TurtlePower Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Bear with me if this is lengthy, but I'll keep it as concise as possible. To protect the innocent and guilty, I will be using fake names, but these names will explain the situation a better. Ok, there is myself (Paul), one of my very good friends (John) and his girlfriend (Yoko). John and I have been through it all and we've been friends for almost 5 years now. We used to tell each other everything and I kind of looked at myself as John's pseudo older brother, helping out and giving him advice along the way. Anyway, John's girlfriend is trying to ruin all of it and I have proof. In fact, if it weren't for me, those two wouldn't even be together. Aside from that, John recently studied abroad during the beginning of their relationship. Before he left, he asked to me to look after Yoko, keep her company and talk to her if she needed someone to talk to, just be a good friend to her. I obliged. He is now back home and I feel a change in him. To fast forward a bit, I was told last night by a mutual friend of ours, that John is upset. John is upset because Yoko supposedly is telling him things that I have done behind his back. (Prying into their relationship, asking to hang out with her and only her, accusing me of being interested in her, etc.) Not true. John being ultra sensitive and insecure to begin with is eating all of this up. The funny thing is that a few days ago she was telling me all this stuff too, but instead spinning it around to make John look like the bad guy. It seems she spun it around this time to make me look like the bad guy. It is rather apparent that she is pitting John against me (He's wrapped around her finger to begin with) and I really don't know why. I think its because she wants John all to herself and the best way to do that is getting rid of the best friend. I have been told to play dumb and not act like I know John is upset, but that is hard for me to do. The first thing I know I need to do is cease conversations with Yoko, because it'll only make matters worse. All of our other friends agree that she is a cancer, a liar, or whatever choice word you can think of. However, we cannot tell John this, because he obviously would get upset and he wouldn't listen to what we have to say anyway because of his rose colored glasses. I am proud of John that he finally is happy, but now it may be at the expense of our friendship. My question is how in the world do I handle this one?
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Ok, there is myself (Paul), one of my very good friends (John) and his girlfriend (Yoko). That made me laugh..Good names to pick. Paul, tell your best bud John that you are NOT interested in his girlfriend, and that he should know you better than that! Don't ignore the fact you know he's upset. That will only make things worse.. Don't bash her, or say anything negative, just keep your distance from her. If she is a cancer, a liar etc, her actions will show this in the future. He WILL wake up one day - And when the day happens, you'll be there to support him. Saying anything bad about her at all will only push him into her arms even more.
brennan Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Bear with me if this is lengthy, but I'll keep it as concise as possible. To protect the innocent and guilty, I will be using fake names, but these names will explain the situation a better. Ok, there is myself (Paul), one of my very good friends (John) and his girlfriend (Yoko). John and I have been through it all and we've been friends for almost 5 years now. We used to tell each other everything and I kind of looked at myself as John's pseudo older brother, helping out and giving him advice along the way. Anyway, John's girlfriend is trying to ruin all of it and I have proof. In fact, if it weren't for me, those two wouldn't even be together. Aside from that, John recently studied abroad during the beginning of their relationship. Before he left, he asked to me to look after Yoko, keep her company and talk to her if she needed someone to talk to, just be a good friend to her. I obliged. He is now back home and I feel a change in him. To fast forward a bit, I was told last night by a mutual friend of ours, that John is upset. John is upset because Yoko supposedly is telling him things that I have done behind his back. (Prying into their relationship, asking to hang out with her and only her, accusing me of being interested in her, etc.) Not true. John being ultra sensitive and insecure to begin with is eating all of this up. The funny thing is that a few days ago she was telling me all this stuff too, but instead spinning it around to make John look like the bad guy. It seems she spun it around this time to make me look like the bad guy. It is rather apparent that she is pitting John against me (He's wrapped around her finger to begin with) and I really don't know why. I think its because she wants John all to herself and the best way to do that is getting rid of the best friend. I have been told to play dumb and not act like I know John is upset, but that is hard for me to do. The first thing I know I need to do is cease conversations with Yoko, because it'll only make matters worse. All of our other friends agree that she is a cancer, a liar, or whatever choice word you can think of. However, we cannot tell John this, because he obviously would get upset and he wouldn't listen to what we have to say anyway because of his rose colored glasses. I am proud of John that he finally is happy, but now it may be at the expense of our friendship. My question is how in the world do I handle this one? this sorta happened with my friend he dated my ex which i was happy for him(he doent get dates very often + i was over my ex so i didnt care) but she hated me idk why so what i did was i only hung out with my friend when she wasnt around untill they broke up so she stop doing it she stop giving me a hard time and were still friends.
CrudeMood Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 He's getting angry from something he didn't hear coming out of YOUR mouth. Thats what we call gossip.. He should have went to you first instead of instantly believing everything that she told him. He should have at least gave you the benefit of the doubt. It looks as if he's ready to throw you're long friendship out the window because of some girl..? Talk to him first.
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 You can't ignore it. I'd ask him straight up what's wrong.... and then I'd set the record straight. I agree that bashing her in the process would be to your detriment...don't bash her even though she is obviously deserving of it. I'd handle it by asking him what's up and then politely, but firmly informing him that you have zero interest in his gf. Tell him you are happy that he has found happiness and would never want anything to come in the way of your friendship. I do think it's important to clarify for him that you don't have any romantic feelings for her.... this needs to come from your mouth. I would also throw in the "you know me better than that".... She is obviously insecure of anything or anyone that takes time away from her time with him. I feel bad for your friend, she sounds toxic. Yes, one day he will wake up to all this.
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