Fell in love with brother or sister after very long separation?

[mental_traveller]

I find it disgusting and immoral because the thought of having sex with my brother, my father, my uncles, grandfather etc makes me want to vomit. We are of the same blood, and I find it unnatual. These are people who bathed me when I was young, fed me, clothed me, took me out for icecream. My brother who I read to when he was sick, played hide and seek with. My grandfather who is the kindest most giving person I have ever met. To think that any of them wanted anything sexually from me, I would feel betrayed more then anything else. None of your weak arguments will make me feel otherwise.

 

 

The fact that contemplating doing someting makes you want to vomit does not make it immoral. I find the thought of having sex with Roseanne Barr disgusting, by your logic that would mean it should be immoral for anyone to have sex with her.

 

You mention that you find it unnatural. Again, being unnatural is not immoral, otherwise cars, aeroplanes, computers and the internet would be immoral, since they are entirely artificial creations. By your logic we'd jail anyone who didn't want to live like someone from the Stone Age.

 

As for growing up with people and that putting you off - are you saying then that it is disgusting and immoral to have sex with someone you grew up with but is *not* a family relative? The law and society finds that perfectly acceptable, after all. If you grew up with some boy from school from age 4 to 18, and then you decide you are both in love and get together, are you saying that is disgusting and immoral? So growing up with people, by itself, has nothing to do with the rights or wrongs of later having sex with them.

 

Also, the whole point here is about a situation involving adoptees who do NOT grow up together - in fact they are completely separated for decades until they meet as adults. So your opinion about growing up together making the thought of sex disgusting does not apply in the situation of adoptees who never even met until adulthood.

 

So, none of your reasons are remotely valid for passing a moral judgement. You need to come up with something else.

 

 

As for the practicalities and personal opinion, yes of course we all find the idea disgusting. That is because we grew up with our siblings. People who did *not* grow up with their siblings, e.g. adoptees, foster kids etc, do not have this sense of disgust (which is caused by growing up together in a family environment), and in fact they often have the opposite phenomenon of genetic sexual attraction, where they feel drawn to their sibling due to the many commonalities caused by having the same parents. This is a medically documented phenomenon and is quite widespread in such cases.

 

So, we cannot apply our mere feelings when judging a situation that is completely different to our own. We have to have actual *reasons*, supported by facts and logic, before declaring it immoral. So far I can see no reason for treating this kind of consenting adult reunited adoptee "incest" as a criminal offence where people get jail time. Who is being harmed? No one. Both parties are willing, both are above the age of consent. If anything is immoral, it is jailing people who have caused no harm, simply to placate your own person prejudices and small-minded judgementalism. The only case I can see is if in fact sibling procreation has a very high chance of birth defects, but this appears not to be the case unless you inbreed for several generations. Even then, it would only justify prohibiting reproduction, not having a relationship or sex.

 

As for the original post - I don't really see it as relevant that he is doing this stuff with his sister. He is being unfaithful, and that's all you need to know in order to come to a decision. Leave the cheating SOB and move on with your life.

[mental_traveller]

Arch, you're trying to make this a major debate. It's not. It's not like abortion where the world is greatly divided and it's worth debating for major human rights reasons.

 

And you say no one has given a "satisfactory" reason. Sorry that no one has satisfied you, but everyone has given their reasons, AND admitted that they are mostly based upon society and how we were raised. How is that not satisfactory? It's the truth. Are you trying to make everyone question what they've been raised upon...to delve deeper into their personal belief system and question it?

 

I mean, COME ON, it's incest. It's something that WON'T be missed if it never existed again.

 

For us it's theoretical. For the unfortunate people finding themselves in this situation, through a combination of the irresponsibility of their parents (leading to adoption/fostering) and bad luck (meeting and experiencing genetic attraction without realising it) they are not only in a weird and unwanted situation, but to make things worse they now face either having to break off someone they may by now be genuinely in love with or even living together, or going to jail for as long as a rapist or sex offender, and being placed on the sex offenders list.

 

Do you think this is a just outcome?

 

You mentioned homosexual rights - homosexuals in the west no longer face jail for being together. Yet 50-100 years ago it was considered a serious crime. No doubt 100 years ago, it was people like you and darlin coco who were advancing exactly the same arguments to support the unjust treatment of gay people back then i.e. who cares about them, it's not a big debate, I find it disgusting, it's unnatural and so on.

 

Why don't you try actually trying to identify the harm that is being caused? After all, isn't that the point of illegality - to identify actual *crimes* that *hurt innocent people*. Not to victimise consenting adults whose choices we don't like or feel uncomfortable with.

[dropdeadlegs]

Have you checked out the forums on this site? It might help you to read some of the stories: http://www.geneticsexualattraction.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=6

While I'm not sure it's "common" I had no idea that so may people had feelimgs and urges of this nature.

 

Interesting. I don't understand, myself, but apparently many do. A lot of bro/sis stuff, but enough parent/child stuff, too.

[burning 4 revenge]

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Edited February 11, 2008 by burning 4 revenge

[Amiss]

 

Why don't you try actually trying to identify the harm that is being caused? After all, isn't that the point of illegality - to identify actual *crimes* that *hurt innocent people*. Not to victimise consenting adults whose choices we don't like or feel uncomfortable with.

 

 

I have just read a couple of the threads/posts in the forum that was posted above and think 90% of the people are damaged. I think incest is a vile thing to do and whenever I have read articles about people who have been involved in such relationships and they always seem damaged/seeking something that is missing from their life. Why play Devil's advocate? I don't agree with putting people in prison if they choose to have a relationship with a family member but I do agree with most posters on this thread- incest is an unhealthy , horrid thing to do.

 

Of course it makes a difference to the OP if her husband is cheating on her with his sister! The pain must be even worse

[dropdeadlegs]

I have just read a couple of the threads/posts in the forum that was posted above and think 90% of the people are damaged. I think incest is a vile thing to do and whenever I have read articles about people who have been involved in such relationships and they always seem damaged/seeking something that is missing from their life. Why play Devil's advocate? I don't agree with putting people in prison if they choose to have a relationship with a family member but I do agree with most posters on this thread- incest is an unhealthy , horrid thing to do.

 

Of course it makes a difference to the OP if her husband is cheating on her with his sister! The pain must be even worse

I have to agree. I don't want to come across as harsh concerning something I just don't understand, but it IS hard to understand. I read many threads, hoping to gain some insight, but all I really saw was "damage." Mostly damage due to distance for so long. The ones with the lost/found parents was actually very disturbing to me. The child had missed something for so long and sees that as a soul connection that is "meant to be." The bros and sis's probably see it similarly. I don't even want to understand to the point of acceptance, but I'm trying to be open minded. It's really hard, though. Society or not, I'm having a hard time accepting it as okay.

[cj1988]

You see I am writing this not only to see if anyone has been through this to help my pain, but to try and understand HOW it happens. I can see that if I met my long lost brother and he was good looking, sweet, loving and we look a like and even think a like it would be an awesome connection, but I KNOW for me it would never be physical.

 

My H said he loves her very much and they HAD a bond he could not explain, but he was not sleeping with her. If that is true then it is still NO relief to me. You see from what I saw, heard and have seen over those 5 months with them, he was in love with her, or thought he was, so that means he is NOT in love with me. He was obsessed with her, but said it was NOT a romantic type of love.....well funny enough after D-DAY they still talked for 6 more months, but rarely saw each other. They were talking all day for 5 months, after my explosion and accuation, he still called but they felt funny around everyone.

 

We have seen them (the sis and H) 2 times in the last year, just like it was for teh first 4 years. So, where is that BOND now? My H said they do not talk as much because of me and this is what I wanted ( a lie) that is just an excuse because it is now awkward for them, what was natural for months is now uncomfortable. My point to this, he is still not the same with me. Ever since she came along and all that happened, he is distant and very cold.....I do not think he is in love with her anymore, but it has skewed his thoughts about me. Makes me feel I wom by default or he is settling because he can never have her.....I really do not know what else I can do is leave him anymore. He swears it was nothing, I do not believe him. As much as I want to and now understand the GSA, I cannot be with someone that lies to me over and over again.

 

Now, if he were to come to me and say, yes I had feelings for her I did not understand and I am embarassed and did not know how to tell you....BUT nothing physical happened, I could handle that and move on, but without KNOWING THE TRUTH. I cannot do it !

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Well I hate to admit it but when I was a kid I had kind of a crush on my one brother.

Until I got older and realized that wasn't healthy or normal nothing came of it tho of course. tough situation to be in for you sorry to hear.

[cj1988]

I had a crush on one of my cousins when I was young, but that was a kid thing...I WAS NOT married and had kids, house and a family.

 

We are all capable of a little infatuation and or crush on a family member at one point, but to be in your late 30 and 40's and do something that foolish and think it can last, please !

[littlekitty]

While I'm not sure it's "common" I had no idea that so may people had feelimgs and urges of this nature.

 

Interesting. I don't understand, myself, but apparently many do. A lot of bro/sis stuff, but enough parent/child stuff, too.

 

Me neither. No idea it would have it's own name and community.

 

The forums made for interesting reading. A bit like rubber necking a car crash. You know you shouldn't look, but.....

[cj1988]

Me neither. No idea it would have it's own name and community.

 

The forums made for interesting reading. A bit like rubber necking a car crash. You know you shouldn't look, but.....

 

 

I believe we are all human and make mistakes. BUT, if you do, come clean if you have hurt someone and make it better. People do not realize how forgiving the heart can be when you are telling the truth ! I just cannot live a liar anymore !