Fell in love with brother or sister after very long separation?

[cj1988]

Someone recently helped me with some of the questions I have about sibs that meet as adults, but I need more information, so please this is a serious question and not a sick joke.....honest real answers are appreciated.

 

 

I know the title is really messed up, but I have to ask the question. Has anyone ever met their long lost brother or sister (could even be 1/2) as adults after being adpoted or any type of seperation? If so, did you ever have any romantic feelings or feelings that were not just family type feelings for them? If so, what did you do about it, did you cross the line, have an EA or PA...and how did you get past it or over it and make it a normal family relationship?

 

This is not about me for the record, but someone very close to me ! I grew up with all my sibs !

[Tony T]

Who is this information for? (Not their name, just their relationship to you.) Your question is worded similarly to research questions and members here don't like to participate in that sort of thing without details.

 

If this is about a real situation, what are the REAL details? Thanks!

[cj1988]

Hello Tony, read my threads and you will have the whole story....it is about my H.........yes, sad to say !

[SeraBella]

I remember reading your other threads. I'm sorry I've never had any experience with this, and don't know anyone who has. But it definitely was gross to me. I don't know...I guess it's just how I was raised.

 

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I hope you can get some input.

 

Not to make light of the situation, but maybe you could make some money selling your story to lifetime, or one of the those channels like that...just trying to see a silver lining.

[cj1988]

I remember reading your other threads. I'm sorry I've never had any experience with this, and don't know anyone who has. But it definitely was gross to me. I don't know...I guess it's just how I was raised.

 

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I hope you can get some input.

 

Not to make light of the situation, but maybe you could make some money selling your story to lifetime, or one of the those channels like that...just trying to see a silver lining.

 

Hello Serra, I have seen you name on LS a lot. Thanks, yes it is very weird, gross and f---- up IF in fact it happened. Only they know. I am just trying to see if anyone else has experienced even just feelings, it does not have to be a full blown EA or PA, just romantic feelings and what not. I saw the 20/20 special that time and it just floors me, I guess I like you just find it really WRONG, but some do not that have been through it, who knows !

 

I thought seriously writing a book about my F---- life and sadly enough this would just take up a chapter or two.....I am so ready for a normal FUN life, damn it I deserve it !

[Florida]

There was a thread over in parenting....a father who hadn't raised his daughter had her show up at age 20 and he was very sexually attracted to her.

 

I sincerely hoped that thread was not true, but it was pretty convincing.

 

It is still there, maybe on page 2 or 3 now. I think that is very close to what you are seeking to understand.

 

Good luck cj, I second SB on making a book out of it. Lemonade out of lemons, right?

 

edit: that post isn't there any longer. I wonder why? There are many better ways to explore this topic for your own healing than here, it is very rare.

 

Why not google what you need, read up on it that way? Then find the books at a bookstore.

Edited February 7, 2008 by Florida

[cj1988]

Hello Florida, I did google it a year ago and all the info is there under Genetic Sexual Attraction, but I wanted to talk to REAL people that may have experienced it in one way or another. It is a sad but real subject and when it is close to home it is a living nightmare.

 

Book, maybe....I may check into that !

[Arch]

lol, Am I the only one who doesn't think its that gross. The whole not marrying your sister thing got into place after generations of inbreeding caused defects, I don't think one generation would have any impact.

 

Everyone comes from a vagina, I don't see the significant difference if you both came from the same, or two different ones.

[cj1988]

Arch, it is gross if it is your sister or brother to MOSt people. But, you are allowed your own opinion. NOW, for my H to do this to me considering we are married, makes it even MORE wrong ! That you cannot dispute.

[whichwayisup]

Am I the only one who doesn't think its that gross

 

Yes. Most feel incest is gross and wrong. But, if you are into it, whatever floats your boat...Just keep in mind that the rest of society will look at you differently because of your choices...(That is, if you are having an incestious relationship with your sister or brother, mom or dad, aunt, uncle etc..)

[Arch]

Yes. Most feel incest is gross and wrong. But, if you are into it, whatever floats your boat...Just keep in mind that the rest of society will look at you differently because of your choices...(That is, if you are having an incestious relationship with your sister or brother, mom or dad, aunt, uncle etc..)

 

lol, please explain why,

 

What drives your logic that it is "gross"?

 

I am rather neutral - I don't really care either way, I am simply trying to develop a understanding as why people have the opinions they have.

[sunshinegirl]

Um, can we please make at least one distinction here? That incest with a relative who is a MINOR is abuse and as such, is sick, wrong, illegal, and immoral?

[SeraBella]

lol, please explain why,

 

What drives your logic that it is "gross"?

 

I am rather neutral - I don't really care either way, I am simply trying to develop a understanding as why people have the opinions they have.

 

Would you do a sibling, then? Or is your view much like, "I don't think incest is wrong, but it's not for me."

 

I'm sure the opinions I have are based upon the views society has put on me. But the idea of being with my brother, parents, cousins, even distant relatives that are "legal" just turns me off entirely.

 

But, I cannot speak from experience with finding a brother as an adult. It would be different. I don't know what that would be like...especially not having the brother/sister bond that is formed when growing up with each other. Perhaps it would be just like meeting anyone.

 

I know that people are attracted people similar to them...personalities, beliefs, values, interests, and even looks. Textbooks say most people seek out someone similar to them. So I can understand the attraction entirely.

 

But, CB is going through a lot of emotions. Her H seems to be having an affair, which is bad enough on its own, but it's compounded with the fact that it is with his sister.

 

This is a difficult thread for people to post to. I'm sure some people struggle with admitting this for one, and I'm sure it's a limited group to begin with.

[SeraBella]

Um, can we please make at least one distinction here? That incest with a relative who is a MINOR is abuse and as such, is sick, wrong, illegal, and immoral?

 

Important distinction here. The thread is about adults...consenting adults, but yes, you are correct. Anything with a minor is abuse.

[Arch]

My comment was not directed to the OPs situation in particular, as I view people who cheat in relationships to be the scum of the earth but that conversation is a topic outside the scope of the point I was trying to make.

 

My question was more generalized as to why people think incest is so gross, grosser then any thing else people do. I was actually thinking back to the couple in Britain that tried to get married but found out they were brother/sister separated at birth. I honestly say let them get married.

 

The only reason why it was made "illegal" in many places was because there were many generations of inbreeding that caused birth defects, I seriously doubt one generation would have any significant impact.

[Florida]

The only reason why it was made "illegal" in many places was because there were many generations of inbreeding that caused birth defects, I seriously doubt one generation would have any significant impact.

 

It's social constructs and mores. They are taboo. It's not about biology only. If someone is attracted to their sister I would think they could also be diddling their dog's butt, preying on children, and throwing bricks on people dropped from great heights.

 

I've read a few instances where a brother did it with his sister. It usually messed them up, suicidal/depressive/messed up all future relationships. The secret that burns ones psyche.

 

If it didn't mean anything, just fear of inbreeding, then people wouldn't go all crazy with regret and guilt afterwards, to the point that lives are ruined. People who do that make me think they were clinically insane.

 

People stab their eyes out in old plays when they find that stuff out.

Edited February 8, 2008 by Florida

[Arch]

None have you have told me WHY you think its so bad, I find people hilariously funny - they take a point of view without even asking themselves why they feel the way they do.

 

The part about the people becoming mentally unstable is probably only a repercussion caused by social pressures - not the action itself.

[Citizen Erased]

None have you have told me WHY you think its so bad, I find people hilariously funny - they take a point of view without even asking themselves why they feel the way they do.

 

The part about the people becoming mentally unstable is probably only a repercussion caused by social pressures - not the action itself.

 

I find it disgusting and immoral because the thought of having sex with my brother, my father, my uncles, grandfather etc makes me want to vomit. We are of the same blood, and I find it unnatual. These are people who bathed me when I was young, fed me, clothed me, took me out for icecream. My brother who I read to when he was sick, played hide and seek with. My grandfather who is the kindest most giving person I have ever met. To think that any of them wanted anything sexually from me, I would feel betrayed more then anything else. None of your weak arguments will make me feel otherwise.

 

It doesn't mean crap what other people used to do. They also used to think they had good hygiene when they fully bathed once every week or two. That putting fresh weeds (aka rushes) on the floor was good housekeeping. That it was okay to dump their waste into the street, something you would be arrested for these days.

[johan]

Arch has gotten me to thinking... I wonder what my sister is up to tonight...

[Storyrider]

The film Lonestar addresses this issue and is very well done. Still didn't convince me incest is a good idea.

 

Here is a good reason--if you have a sexual relationship with your sister, you lose your sister! So don't do it, JOHAN!!!

[Arch]

I find it disgusting and immoral because the thought of having sex with my brother, my father, my uncles, grandfather etc makes me want to vomit. We are of the same blood, and I find it unnatual. These are people who bathed me when I was young, fed me, clothed me, took me out for icecream. My brother who I read to when he was sick, played hide and seek with. My grandfather who is the kindest most giving person I have ever met. To think that any of them wanted anything sexually from me, I would feel betrayed more then anything else. None of your weak arguments will make me feel otherwise.

 

It doesn't mean crap what other people used to do. They also used to think they had good hygiene when they fully bathed once every week or two. That putting fresh weeds (aka rushes) on the floor was good housekeeping. That it was okay to dump their waste into the street, something you would be arrested for these days.

 

You still fail to give me a satisfactory answer, so far you have only produced what society has taught you to think.

[johan]

Arch is encouraging you to question norms and think outside your box. It's very college.

[johan]

Here is a good reason--if you have a sexual relationship with your sister, you lose your sister! So don't do it, JOHAN!!!

 

Lose a sister, gain a wife... sounds like a fair trade. As far as relatives go, sisters are probably the most expendable anyway.

[Storyrider]

Lose a sister, gain a wife... sounds like a fair trade. As far as relatives go, sisters are probably the most expendable anyway.

Would you like to borrow Wizer's old avatar?

[dropdeadlegs]

So , bless us please. Arch.

 

I don't have any brothers. But if I did, why would it be alright to have sex with them? Just because we are only one "vagina" away from inbreeding affects? (versus many inbreedings?)

 

Better yet, would YOU have sex with your sibling? I don't know if you're playing Devil's Advocate or believe it's not "gross"

 

I'm curious as to your thoughts. Mine are that it's unacceptable, societal or otherwise. It's just weird when there are so many other choices, I guess.