HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Hi, I am a new poster but I have been looking at posts on here for a while now and it seems like a nice community, so I thought I would ask for some un-biased advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I truly felt I had found my soul mate. Let me give you a brief rundown. We got together in late July last year and fell madly in love and things were perfect. He had to move (8 hours) away for his work in the beginning of January and we agreed to stay together and see each other every other weekend. We were both very upset over this move but we agreed to talk every day and to stay faithful to each other. When he first moved he rang me 3 times a day and we would talk for ages and we still connected on a very deep level. The problem I am having now is that the calls are dwindling down and I feel his interest is dropping slightly. I know that I should just relax and not panic, but it is bringing out a side to me that I didnt know existed. I am acting needy and even crying when he calls. I know that this will just push him further away as when I talk to him about why he is calling less he says there is nothing wrong, he is just busy. I have a very successful career and want for nothing as I provide it all for myself, so why do I feel so needy and reliant on him? I have never felt like this before so any feedback would be very helpful as I feel I could lose the man of my dreams.
lovelorcet Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 What is the future perspective on this LDR? Is this just going to be a permeant arrangement or just a year?
Author HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Oh yes I forgot to say that it is hopefully just temporary as he will try to get moved back to my state within 8 months, but this is not a guarantee. I could also move to him an maybe a year but I would have to take a drop in pay. I am just very shocked in myself that I am feeling so reliant on him and needy. I know neediness is not attractive but I just cannot stop myself and it is scaring me. A part of me just wants to end things with him so that I can stop feeling this bad and lonely.
Kamille Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I can't imagine how destabilizing it must be to be faced with distance so early in a relationship. I wonder why he stopped calling so often - and I understand why that would make you feel a bit insecure. I mean, have you two discussed why he calls less often? Do you have any ideas? And there is nothing worst then feeling needy - but often needyness comes when we internalize something that is out of our control. I would suggest you let him take the lead for awhile - see if he starts contacting you more often. In the meantime focus on yourself and everything you've got going for you - to regain some balance.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 (edited) I'm creeped out. I feel like I'm reading my own story, right down to BF moving out of state, 8 hours away, in January, temporarily for work, and then feeling needy... Edited February 7, 2008 by Star Gazer
Kamille Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I'm creeped out. I feel like I'm reading my own story, right down to BF moving out of state, 8 hours away, in January, temporarily for work, and then feeling needy... For a moment I wondered if HP was you.
Author HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Star Gazer I have looked for your posts but cant seem to find them. I am still practising navigating around this site. How do you cope? I am feeling awful right now and have been awake all night as he said he would call last night and he still hasn't. Why has he gone so cold? To be honest I feel like I am going insane here and I am scared of how I am going to react when he calls. I am a 45 year old professional woman with 3 grown up children, my daughter wouldnt even be as weak as I am being right now and I never felt this stressed when I divorced my ex after 20 years together!
lovelorcet Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I am a 45 year old professional woman with 3 grown up children, my daughter wouldnt even be as weak as I am being right now and I never felt this stressed when I divorced my ex after 20 years together! Now that puts a big spin on things...
Kamille Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Star Gazer I have looked for your posts but cant seem to find them. I am still practising navigating around this site. You can click on SG's name, chose show public profile, go in statistics and chose 'show all threads'.
Author HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Kamille I think you could be right I am in control of my whole life. I have my own house that is paid for by me. I have 3 children who I have college educated. I have a great business, a $50k car and anything I want I can get. So WHY is one man making me feel so awful? I should say why am I LETTING some man make me feel like this? Ok what should I do when he calls?
Author HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Thank you for the hints on how to check posts Kamille This seems like a lovely site and you guys are very nice to take the time to reply to me Thank you
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 How do you cope? I am feeling awful right now and have been awake all night as he said he would call last night and he still hasn't. Why has he gone so cold? I 100% know how you're feeling right now. I'm kinda keeping the details of what's happening right now private, but I assure you I completely know where you are. But I have to admit I'm secretly afraid that we're talking about the same BF!!! What state did he move to? How do I cope? Therapy. Seriously. I don't think I'd get through this without the help of a trained professional, as well as some AMAZING people here on LS who've I've been corresponding with.
Author HotPink Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I would rather not mention where I live if you don't mind? I am just starting to read your threads and I can see it will take me hours. The story is very similar so far Star and it (I do not mean this in a horrible way) makes me feel a bit better to know I am not alone in these feelings, even though I would not wish you to feel how I am right now. He has still not rung me and I feel sick. I dont even know if I can answer when he does as I am so scared of how I will react. I refuse to go to therapy over this man. I will end it before he sends me to therapy. I did not even have it when I divorced and that was not a good time I can tell you. These feelings I have are consuming me, I missed work today as I didnt sleep and could not function. I never stay at home, I am a workaholic normally. As I am writing this he is calling my cell. I can't answer him, please help!
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I would rather not mention where I live if you don't mind? Okay, I wasn't asking where YOU live, but where HE lives. Just tell me this, did he move to Idaho? I refuse to go to therapy over this man. I will end it before he sends me to therapy. Going to therapy for YOU doesn't mean that he has won. It benefits you. He doesn't "send you there," you make the conscious decision to help yourself in the situation. Nothing wrong with seeking coping skills - that's what you're doing here, isn't it? But with therapy, you get help from a trained professional. I did not even have it when I divorced and that was not a good time I can tell you. These feelings I have are consuming me, I missed work today as I didnt sleep and could not function. I never stay at home, I am a workaholic normally. That's reason enough to seek help, don't you think? That all having been said, how'd the phone call go?
Letranger Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Is one of the biggest issues here trying NOT to feel/control being needy? I might be able to give some tips to that...but I need to sure that would be useful before I surrender some secrets.
Author HotPink Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 It is nearly 4am and I am sitting here wondering what the hell to do the tears are streaming. When he called I did not answer. He left me a message telling me how busy he has been but in my eyes no one is ever too busy to send a quick message, he was never that busy before! I have drunk a bottle of wine and I feel numb. I feel like the most stupid woman in the world. Why am I letting a man who I have been seeing for 6 months get to me like this? It is almost as if he reeled me in with such sweet words and is now bored. I also wonder is he seeing someone else? Star, no he did not move to Idaho, no where near there and in answer to your other question, I am of the thinking that therapy for me is not the answer, I am not saying that it is not right for you and I am sure it is helping you but my issues with therapy go back years. I need to deal with this myself. I need to get myself out of this hole by myself, for my own reasons. I spoke to my friend for hours tonight and she has told me a few home truths and I wonder did I just stick my head in the sand with this man? Until I sort out this stuff in my head I will not speak to him Letranger, any advice you can offer will be very useful, so please feel free to help. I have to work out how to do the quote thing!
Author HotPink Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Well I am shocked at what has happened. My boyfriend called again and again and my fears stopped me answering. I eventually answered and was quite blunt with him and also too scared incase I made myself look needy and mad to him. He told me he missed me so I said to him that if he missed me that much he would have called more often, he immediately picked up on my mood and asked what was wrong, so I told him. He has agreed that there has been a distance between us and he has also agreed that this long distance thing will not work for us, so he has concluded that he is going to come back here! I am still in shock. He told me that he loves me too much to be away from me anymore and (wait for it) he has asked me to get engaged! We won't be getting married in a hurry, but he will come back in 2 days and move in with me. I am so shocked, I was waiting for the break up call and this is what I get! I am so happy
Kamille Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Well I am shocked at what has happened. My boyfriend called again and again and my fears stopped me answering. I eventually answered and was quite blunt with him and also too scared incase I made myself look needy and mad to him. He told me he missed me so I said to him that if he missed me that much he would have called more often, he immediately picked up on my mood and asked what was wrong, so I told him. He has agreed that there has been a distance between us and he has also agreed that this long distance thing will not work for us, so he has concluded that he is going to come back here! I am still in shock. He told me that he loves me too much to be away from me anymore and (wait for it) he has asked me to get engaged! We won't be getting married in a hurry, but he will come back in 2 days and move in with me. I am so shocked, I was waiting for the break up call and this is what I get! I am so happy Congratulations!!!! Wow! That's about as happy of an ending to a thread as one can get! I guess all there is left to say is : cheers to a happy life together!
Author HotPink Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Congratulations!!!! Wow! That's about as happy of an ending to a thread as one can get! I guess all there is left to say is : cheers to a happy life together! Thank you so much! I am so happy that he will be here tomorrow! I missed him so much!
shockandawed Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Congrats on a Happy Ending!! This is the kind of story I wouldl like to see more of..best of luck to the both of you!
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