What To Say In A Text ???

[RainyGirl]

My question is how can I word a text message that expresses no desperation, no intent on reclaiming our friendship, and no apology? The message I do want to send is that I am not angry at him, I have no hard feelings, and that I wish him the best. The reason for the text is simple: We work together and I don't want tension to make things awkward.

 

Here is some brief background: I had a several month (mostly) emotional affair with him. We became physical once, by passionately making out. We called/texted/saw/talked everyday, all day long for months. Things started changing a few weeks back. He seemed to start to push me away. He became distant, moody, and sort of a jerk. He was VERY into me around the time we kissed and for a while after that. I know he wanted to pursue something more, but we were both too shy to cross the line again.

 

After awhile, the romantic momentum slowed down and we went back to our purely emotional affair. Yet, he pulled away a little. Upon noticing this, I reacted by pulling away to (just to spare my feelings). Contact became less frequent and more tense and negative. I commenced a 16 day NC with him. I broke NC by texting him because I missed him. He responded pleasantly and we spoke normally for a few days. Then, one day he became moody again and I called him out on it. We had a disagreement and ended the phone convo abruptly. I started NC again and I am now on day 7 of NC.

 

The other day at work him and I completely ignored each other for the first time. We work in a small space and can't continue to act like this. It is beyond stupid. We are treating each other like enemies for no reason. I would like to break the ice with him by text. He is not the type of person that I can talk to about this in person. He would handle it better by text. I am not mad at him at all and I would like to tell him that. Yet, I DO NOT WANT HIM TO THINK I WANT HIS FRIENDSHIP BACK. I don't. I want to clear the air without opening up a door. I don't want to be his friend again because I can't handle his moods. I just want to be able to talk normally to him at work and have him know that I am not angry with him.

 

Can anyone suggest wording for this text? I am not good with this stuff. Thanks

 

Oh, by the way, the NC is just because I am tired of his ups and downs. I don't feel like dealing with it. I am not using NC to heal myself because I am doing pretty good on my own. So, contacting him to clear the air shouldn't set me back too much.

Edited February 7, 2008 by RainyGirl

[Nemo]

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

[RainyGirl]

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

 

If I didn't work with him, I wouldn't say anything at all. I have no problem with NC anymore or not being his friend. But, I have to break the ice to save our working relationship. One of us has to start being civil. It might as well be me. I am just looking for those careful words that express a friendliness without a request for friendship. I was thinking of using the time we ignored each other as a excuse to text something like this: "I didn't get to speak to you the other day because I was trying to finish up some work, not because I am mad at you. Everything is cool with me. I think we have gotten past our differences, and that is great. Take care".

 

How does that sound? Stupid?

 

By the way, when I did 16 days of NC I had to take a two week vacation from work just to remain in NC !!!!

[Nemo]

If you need to work together, then work together. Just be professional. If you bump into each other, then be courteous. Forget the stupid text!

[underpants]

Never text.

 

...and super never initiate it. For goodness sake you work with him. Texting (to me) would be really passive/agressive.

 

Work and romance are taboo for a reason. Sorry you have to be uncomfortable with the consequences. If it makes you that uncomfortable can you find another job?

 

For future text problems. My standard text (REPLY) is "Icky Thump???". Use it at will.

 

Texting is overall, not a good thing. Certainly not a way to solve issues. IMPO.

[Trialbyfire]

Rainygirl, your need to clear the air at work is an excuse to reconnect with him. Remain NC and stay civil at work.

[Nemo]

Rainygirl, your need to clear the air at work is an excuse to reconnect with him. Remain NC and stay civil at work.

ur so hawt

[vivrantflo]

Trialbyfire is beautiful... and so is RecordProducer... my two favourite on this site lol..

[TotalChaos]

I agree, I think sending a text message is a bad idea. It almost seems immature to me. If you are truly over him then I say, just go on about your business at work. When you have to see him, be professional about it. I don't feel like most guys would like to be "forgotten about." If you move on and keep your work professional that will probably draw him to you. If he comes to you, then you should tell him that you are over the situation and would like to maintain a positive working relationship and that is it.

What type of work do you do? If the two of you can't work together professionally and you aren't in your dream career then I say start looking for another job.

 

Do Not Send Him A Text!

[RainyGirl]

Never text.

 

...and super never initiate it. For goodness sake you work with him. Texting (to me) would be really passive/agressive.

 

Work and romance are taboo for a reason. Sorry you have to be uncomfortable with the consequences. If it makes you that uncomfortable can you find another job?

 

For future text problems. My standard text (REPLY) is "Icky Thump???". Use it at will.

 

Texting is overall, not a good thing. Certainly not a way to solve issues. IMPO.

 

Him and I were huge texters with each other. He would be more comfortable breaking the ice by text. He wouldn't see it as passive-aggressive at all. In fact, if he ever imagines contact with me again, he would think of text first.

 

No, neither of us can look for another job. We are in our life-long career.

 

As for solving issues through text...um...I am not really looking to solve much here. I'm not hoping for a back and forth text session that hammers out my position/feelings. I just want to break the ice a little. I only want him to know that he doesn't have to be uncomfortable around me because I am not mad at him. Actually, I am hoping he doesn't even reply to my text.

[RainyGirl]

Rainygirl, your need to clear the air at work is an excuse to reconnect with him. Remain NC and stay civil at work.

 

Actually, no. I have no desire to reconnect with him (yeh, yeh, yeh, I know. That is what everybody says, right?). Seriously, I don't want anything to do with the guy. I was crazy for him, but I have gotten over it. At work, I could come up with 100 excuses to "reconnect" with him if I wanted to. The opportunity to reconnect arises all day long. I don't need to send a text to do that. The purpose of the text would be to let him know that me not speaking to him is not because I am angry, or resentful, or bitter, or hateful, or just plain negative and bitchy. I will be working with this guy for many years to come so it is important for me to leave things positive with him. I want him to know that although we've outgrown our friendship, I have no hard feelings and that I am "ok" with him.

 

A quick, short, and simple well-worded text should suffice.

[RainyGirl]

I agree, I think sending a text message is a bad idea. It almost seems immature to me. If you are truly over him then I say, just go on about your business at work. When you have to see him, be professional about it. I don't feel like most guys would like to be "forgotten about." If you move on and keep your work professional that will probably draw him to you. If he comes to you, then you should tell him that you are over the situation and would like to maintain a positive working relationship and that is it.

What type of work do you do? If the two of you can't work together professionally and you aren't in your dream career then I say start looking for another job.

 

Do Not Send Him A Text!

 

Yes, we are in our dream career and cannot find another job. Are you saying that texting in general is immature, or just texting under my circumstances is immature? Him and I texted all the time, so it wouldn't be considered immature by him. In fact, he probably expects to hear from me by text someday.

 

As for keeping work professional and telling him that I am over the situation if he ever comes to me: Never going to happen. This guy is painfully shy and insecure. Given everything that has happened, I can't see him growing the b**ls to approach me. I have to step up to the plate.

 

Oh, we are professional at work. Yet, the tension is thick and uncomfortable. The tension is only there because he is convinced I am angry with him so he avoids me. I avoid him because he avoids me. Stupid, I know. I don't want to approach him in person at work to clear the air. That would be risky and so out-of-place. We NEVER discussed our relationship at work. Never. I don't want him to think I am putting him on the spot at work. I want the ice breaking contact to be very casual and disconnected...like....um....a text message.

 

Are you telling me not to send the text because you are against texting (a personal preference), or because you don't think I should break NC? Breaking NC is not an issue for me. I don't even need NC anymore. I thought I did, but I am fine.

 

Ok, guys........can we get past the debate about whether or not I should text ? I've already decided that I am. I just need help with the wording. I have to work today and I don't want another day of him looking like a deer caught in the headlights when he sees me. Help me word the text !!!

 

Oh, keep in mind that him and I will be working together, very closely, probably until retirement. This is not some guy that I can NC with and forget about. Not that simple. The ICE MUST BE BROKEN NOW without me being known as the witch that ignored him then begged for his friendship.

[PinkRibbon]

If you don't want him back and this is nothing but business then why are you wanting to text him? I think several people have already said the best thing to do is not to text and keep it professional and you keep justifying the text. Then text him if you want.

[RainyGirl]

If you don't want him back and this is nothing but business then why are you wanting to text him? I think several people have already said the best thing to do is not to text and keep it professional and you keep justifying the text. Then text him if you want.

 

PinkRibbon, I think I explained several times why I want to text him. But, I'll say it again.....he needs to know that I am not angry with him. I want him to relax at work and not think that there is this "problem" between us.

 

Yes, several people have said that I shouldn't text him. However, I sense that I am getting this advice because many people here are "NC Warriors", not because it is really the best thing to do in my case. I took a two week work vacation and went NC with this guy because it was the right thing to do at that time. It is no longer the right thing to do. I know the difference. Hey, I share a desk with this guy. Yup, just me and him all day long.

 

Also, I get the sense that some people think texting is stupid under all circumstances, not because it is not the best thing to do in mine. In other words, I think I am getting the standard LS advice of "NC all the way". What????? NC makes no sense in my case. I HAVE TO TALK TO THIS GUY EVENTUALLY. We share the same desk, in the same tiny office, and are wholly dependent on each other at work. Why make it more uncomfortable than it has to be? Now, I am just fine with being professional and going LC. However, this guy would never "get" the reason for the distance. He will, and does, think I am mad at him. Why in the world would I want to keep anyone believing I am angry with them? What purpose does that serve?

 

I keep justifying the text because people keep telling me not to text, as if it is a grave sin. Um, it is not.

 

Look, I know the LSers have their reasons for their standard advice, but it doesn't fit my case. This man will be closely in my life for the next 20 years or so. I've known him closely for 10 years. We can completely forget the fact that I kissed him ONCE. Forgetting that fact, all we have is a platonic friendship. I had feelings for him that I've since gotten over. This whole "don't text him" is a little overblown, don't you think? Especially when my primary mode of communication with him outside of work was texting.

 

All I am asking this board for is help in crafting a text message that lets him know I am not angry, while not giving him reason to believe that I want our old, more meaningful friendship back (I don't). I don't want to give him false hope. Yet, I want to break the icyness between us.

 

So, can anyone make a suggestion?

[Art_Critic]

Silence speaks the loudest.. it is deafening..

[Art_Critic]

If you are so close to him in the physical sense and you seem like you are out to self destruct with him then I would suggest NO text message.. that is so immature..

Talk to the guy face to face.. if you share the same desk it shouldn't be that hard..

 

Nobody can give you hints or things to talk with him about that has to come from you...

 

I will say this though.. there isn't much you can say to him without coming across as desperate or needy.. if you talk about anything with him make sure you don't say stuff like " I only want to be friends ".. he will see thru that..

[RainyGirl]

If you are so close to him in the physical sense and you seem like you are out to self destruct with him then I would suggest NO text message.. that is so immature..

Talk to the guy face to face.. if you share the same desk it shouldn't be that hard..

 

Nobody can give you hints or things to talk with him about that has to come from you...

 

I will say this though.. there isn't much you can say to him without coming across as desperate or needy.. if you talk about anything with him make sure you don't say stuff like " I only want to be friends ".. he will see thru that..

 

Out to self-destruct with him???? Hmmmm, a little rash considering this is the first time in our 10 year friendship that there has been any negativity between us. This guy is/was a good friend. I wouldn't consider our recent dispute as being on the path of self-destruction.

 

I don't want to talk to him at work about this matter. Work is work. Simple. It is not the time or place to discuss our personal life. I wouldn't put the guy on the spot like that at work. It is unfair.

 

Texting wouldn't be considered immature by him or me. We always texted. We talked on the phone as well. But, texting was big with us.

 

Thanks for your response anyway.

[cant let go]

you already know what the text is that you should send... you've already stated it several times here

 

"i'm not mad at you"

 

that's all you want to say... and that's all you should

[Dumbledore]

Yet, I DO NOT WANT HIM TO THINK I WANT HIS FRIENDSHIP BACK.

Yes, you do. You're obsessed. Nobody thinks this much about "crafting" a text message - a silly little text message!! - if they're not obsessed with getting back with that person. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the better.

[norajane]

"Hi Joe, I'd like to clear the air and make sure you're aware that I'm not angry with you. I trust we can continue to work together without any tension."

[RainyGirl]

Yes, you do. You're obsessed. Nobody thinks this much about "crafting" a text message - a silly little text message!! - if they're not obsessed with getting back with that person. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the better.

 

Wtf ?? Obsessed? Oh, my. You've really read me wrong. I am not obsessed with this guy at all. He is my work partner and use to be a good friend.

 

There is no "getting back with" him. I was never "with" him. We kissed once in our lives. I had feelings for the guy, but they have disappeared.

 

The "silly little text message" is now not that important to me. I keep responding in this thread because I keep reading the criticism. It is sort of crazy. I ask one simple question in the hopes of getting a few suggestions, and I now have perfect strangers analyzing my life. So, I am not thinking about the text message as much as you believe.

 

I'm sure in a few weeks things will be just fine between me and this guy. I wanted to send the text today in order to avoid the coldness at work TODAY. Not because I am obsessed. Apparently, you didn't read my postings.

 

It amazes the hell out of me why anyone would even respond to my thread if they couldn't offer what I was initially looking for. Instead, I get jumped on by people who, for whatever nutty reason, think sending someone a text is a crime. This is why some of you people are heartbroken and single........your crazy, you jump to conclusions, and you don't comprehend well.

[RainyGirl]

"Hi Joe, I'd like to clear the air and make sure you're aware that I'm not angry with you. I trust we can continue to work together without any tension."

 

Thank you Norajane !! That is what I was looking for. I came up with a few similiar things, but kept second-guessing them. I'll use what you gave me. Sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes to see. Thanks !!

[RainyGirl]

you already know what the text is that you should send... you've already stated it several times here

 

"i'm not mad at you"

 

that's all you want to say... and that's all you should

 

Sometimes the less said the better. I know. Thank you

[strife]

Under this section, you'd get a lot of "NC" and "NO TEXT." Your situation actually fits in the Platonic section of the site. I personally cannot stand text, but can understand from what you're saying that it's his language, you have to speak to him in his language. I would be obsessed with reconciling with a friend of any gender at work. I was going to suggest "Hey. No hard feelings." but it seems you have a solution now =)

[EYECANDY000]

Texts only give you about 160 letters , so you have no choice but tp keep it short.. with that said I would say something to the extent of us being civil and I have no hard feelinds towards you , hope you feel the same