MakeLemonade Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Without giving a book of background on this, my husband called his step-father tonight, who is in the process of going through a divorce with my MIL, she left a few months ago - she wasn't happy, step-dad is a 'jerk". They were married for 11 years, knew eachother for 20. She is now living with an exbf, lawyer, never told her H what was up just went NC pretty much, except business type details. My hubby - after a fiercesome night of arguing with me over an ongoing trust issue (other thread entirely, another 10 threads) - decided to call his stepdad, and spill it, he couldn't keep it inside anymore, we both have struggled with whether he should tell his stepdad what is up. This is a truly decent and honorable man who loves his wife, bent over backwards to give her the house, cars (on his modest income) he could. She worked too in all fairness. This man is one of the nicest people you could ever come across, humble & funny, just amazing. Helpful to a fault. Almost. Anyway, after my H spoke to him (I heard most of conversation, my H to my surprise - handled the convo w/ dignity, maturity and wisdom), I told him the smart & mature thing to do was to call his mother and let her know what he had done. He doesn't have the new number, she is living with this new man. He did call and leave a messag on her cell to call him ASAP but didn't tell her on the message. (This old bf supposedly came in the picture AFTER she decided to leave her current R and told her H so - no real proof of timeline so can't say which is true - but since split she has hidden true whereabouts from H.) To sum this up and keep this from getting too long - my husband loves his stepfather, believes him a kind and decent man who deserved more than the deceipt and games his mom was playing and truly, for the sake of his emotional well-being, had to tell his stepdad what was happening. Anyone had to hide a family secret like this? What did it do to you? Do you think he was in the right to do this or should he have called his mom first and given her one last chance to come clean? I tend to believe he should have, but it was an emotional night, his mom and he have issues, she essentially abandoned him in his teens so she could explore herself or whatever you want to call it (she left him with his grandparents). I tried to tell him to wait a bit, that it wasn't the time, he has had a few drinks tonight on top of it all, as have I, who wouldn't? It is going to make things difficult for awhile, my husband is prepared to not speak to his mom for years if that is what ends up happening. I know it was eating him up.
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