prisonbreak Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Women respond too Do you think having NC gets easier and easier for women and harder and harder for men as the days go by? I think absence makes the heart grow fonder for men and absence makes the heart grow apart for woman. Agree? The reason I ask, is because it's been 10 days since NC and it's been getting easier every day. I have a gut feeling it's getting harder for him and he'll eventually call, but by then it'll be too late (well maybe...hehe).
micahmo77 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Well maybe that could be true. It does seem like alot of guys want what they cant have. I do hope its the same for woman! I want me ex to want what she dosent have, ME!. I bet with your ex will start to want you back now that he dosent have you as well. I hope it ends up a positive ending for you prison. We seem to both want our exes back. Maybe they will see what their missing.
BrianG Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I agree with your post. I think for most women its more of a case of out of sight out of mind, where men absence makes the heart grow fonder. However, it always depends. Feel for you both, in the same situation as well, but we need to focus on moving on instead
s_n_d Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Brian is right. We need to focus on trying to move on. If our exs come back, then thats great but we need to start the recovery process.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I think it depends on the person. I have had a lot of ex's try and contact me after a long period of NC. I have also found myself feeling nostalgic and missing someone after a long period of time. I had an ex (the one that brought me to this forum originally) break up with me over the phone 16 months ago and NEVER speak to me again. This was after spending every single day together for almost a year. I know he never missed me after walking away. I think it depends on the person- how much of an affect another person might have had on you, and how happy and content you feel following the break up all play a role in how NC works for people. I had an ex who would cycle back into my life once every 3 months like clock work wanting to reconcile.... I finally had to tell him to NEVER talk to me again, as it was obvious he was playing games with me.
g1976b Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 You are absolutely 100% correct. Though I think much depends on who does the dumping. I am on the 3rd week of my breakup and I am really struggling with things and she is just fine. She's moved on with her life and has decided that we just are not the right people for one another. I'm doing NC now because that's what she's asking of me. She wants time and space. I thought maybe that meant days or weeks. Looks like it's going to be months. We just had a conversation and apparently she thinks 'maybe in 6 months or a year' she'll feel differently. So yes, as this gets harder and harder for me, and I want her back even more, she is perfectly content to let things fade away. If it were up to me, we'd be back together.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I think sometimes, when we get dumped- it feels sudden because we didn't see the warning signs. Often, the dumper doesn't make a snap decision to walk out.... they have usually been mulling it over, thinking about it, building up the courage to do it a while before it actually happens. That gives us the false impression that they have moved on quickly- but the reality is they had been moving on emotionally for a while- so by the time they do the dumping... they have essentially come to terms with leaving already- whereas it comes as a shock to us. That is what happened with my ex- he told me when he dumped me that he hadn't loved me for months.... so for him- breaking up with me was something he had come to terms with over a period of months. I think that happens often- the dumper is building up to it- there is a moment or catylyst that prompts the break up- or gives them an excuse and flood of courage.... and we are left wondering how they could just walk away and forget so quickly. I believe in situations like that they have been breaking up with us in their heads for a long time before it actually happens.
BrianG Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 (edited) You are absolutely 100% correct. Though I think much depends on who does the dumping. I am on the 3rd week of my breakup and I am really struggling with things and she is just fine. She's moved on with her life and has decided that we just are not the right people for one another. I'm doing NC now because that's what she's asking of me. She wants time and space. I thought maybe that meant days or weeks. Looks like it's going to be months. We just had a conversation and apparently she thinks 'maybe in 6 months or a year' she'll feel differently. So yes, as this gets harder and harder for me, and I want her back even more, she is perfectly content to let things fade away. If it were up to me, we'd be back together. Same here, almost about 4 months of the breakup and if it were up to me I would do anything and everything to show her that she is the love of my life. However, like you she is perfectly content to let things fade away because she does not love me "that way" anymore. I have done all that I can do, I apologized, yes begged and cried (couldn't help it, but now i know better because of this site) told her I loved her and I was willing to do anything. I have no choice but to accept it one day and move on whenever that may be. In no rush to date or come across anybody worth dating. This is her second time breaking up with me so I doubt she is coming back. Still pretty depressed and sad about it and will always be a pain in my heart that after NC will diminish after time, but life goes on and unfortunately dont have a choice in the matter. It sucks, but I am content in that i did everything I could and just leaving the ball in her court because in the end that is all we can do. We can't make them want us no matter how much we try. Edited February 7, 2008 by BrianG
Roller EastCoaster Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I dont think its necessarily true that men dont move on and women do with no NC. I know this because last time there was a breakup and I initiated NC for a few months, she responded. She wanted to open up the lines of communication again, I tried to ignore it, but after a while I felt bad ignoring her calls. So there is definitely a generalization going on here that is not taking each person's unique mentality/emotional attachment/longing regardless of gender into account.
miami45uconn Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I def. agree. My girl and I broke up end of Nov. I would go with a few day streaks in the begining of NC but i had here and there contacts until she became a drama queen and changed her number. (no i wasnt a stalker and calling 24-7, maybe just alot in one night after i had a break down every 2 weeks or so) However the time has really not done much for my love, hasnt faded too much at all. She has definately forgot that i was in love with her and that im alive. Atleast for me, when i didnt know anything that was going on her in her life i would have wishful hoping days and thought maybe she'd want to hear from me or who knows. Good luck with that, if he thinks anything like me he will try and contact you....
Author prisonbreak Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Well, I hope you does think like you!!!
sandflea Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I think sometimes, when we get dumped- it feels sudden because we didn't see the warning signs. Often, the dumper doesn't make a snap decision to walk out.... they have usually been mulling it over, thinking about it, building up the courage to do it a while before it actually happens. That gives us the false impression that they have moved on quickly- but the reality is they had been moving on emotionally for a while- so by the time they do the dumping... they have essentially come to terms with leaving already- whereas it comes as a shock to us. That is what happened with my ex- he told me when he dumped me that he hadn't loved me for months.... so for him- breaking up with me was something he had come to terms with over a period of months. I think that happens often- the dumper is building up to it- there is a moment or catylyst that prompts the break up- or gives them an excuse and flood of courage.... and we are left wondering how they could just walk away and forget so quickly. I believe in situations like that they have been breaking up with us in their heads for a long time before it actually happens. This is 150% true, and describes to a tee every break up I've ever been in - whether dumper or dumpee. Usually there's a long period of fence sitting, then something provides just enough of a push to get things going. Depending on how much the relationship has suffered during the "fence" period, it can be a quick end, or a slow, painfull dirge. Either way, it turns out the same. Someone is relieved and feeling guilty, the other is shell shocked and outraged. This time around we had fought so much, and shredded each other so much that we both saw it coming. Still, that doens't make it any easier.. SF
Author prisonbreak Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 You are both so very right. I saw it coming for the past 4 months. We tried to work it out, but I guess it was not salvagable. I thought it could be and i think he did too. But in the end it wasn't. I have such a hard time accepting this. I need to give up hope that he's still processing it and will realize that it's me he wants. I've heard that men take longer to process things than women. He told me (back when we were having C) that he really wasn't processing much, just walking around like a zombie and numb. So, hang on to the hope, that he will come around once he actually starts to let it sink in.
stayc208 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 AS A GIRL.... Coming from a recent break up, I am trying to maintain NC with him. But just recently a former guy just contacted me after over 2 years and I have definitely moved on, but he hasn't. I realize now that things worked out for the better... I guess I just need to apply that logic to my situation now! But back to the NC guy, he is still trying to see how i'm doing and it pains me to just ignore it, but its the best thing is what I keep telling myself. Right now he can't have just part of me (emotionally), he has to have all or nothin!
emalkoc Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Same here, almost about 4 months of the breakup and if it were up to me I would do anything and everything to show her that she is the love of my life. However, like you she is perfectly content to let things fade away because she does not love me "that way" anymore. I have done all that I can do, I apologized, yes begged and cried (couldn't help it, but now i know better because of this site) told her I loved her and I was willing to do anything. I have no choice but to accept it one day and move on whenever that may be. In no rush to date or come across anybody worth dating. This is her second time breaking up with me so I doubt she is coming back. Still pretty depressed and sad about it and will always be a pain in my heart that after NC will diminish after time, but life goes on and unfortunately dont have a choice in the matter. It sucks, but I am content in that i did everything I could and just leaving the ball in her court because in the end that is all we can do. We can't make them want us no matter how much we try. BG, I am on 6 mos since we left. I am on 15 day NC now since very LC. She has started coming back to contact now and then..So dont be suprised if she contacts out of the blue especially if u spend long time. This is my 2nd break with her too...
Zankon Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I disagree with most. One's gender is not corelated to whether one s heart will grow fonder or just forget. I believe it's about personality and who had higher hopes for the relationship. I m blessed with a good emotional control and when a break up takes place and I decide I will go NC, I m usually able to virtually not think about the ex... even if thoughts come hunting me, they are just nostaligic thoughts (like you miss a really good friend) but nothing more... and 99% of the time, they fade away within minutes. I have never initiated a contact with an ex... but I had exs contact me after months, some years since the break up. Girls who had personalities almost similar to mine never contacted me after NC, those with softer hearts did. So it;s about personalities and not gender. just my humble opinion.
mistie03 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 The ex and I aren't contacting each other at all. The last conversation that I had with him was so cold and callous that I seriously doubt that he is having a hard time not talking to me. His mean phone call was what made me not want to talk to him ever again. We never even said, "It's over". We just quit talking to each other.
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I don't think it's getting easier, I think it's getting harder. And I'm a woman. I have to fight with myself every day not to contact him.
sveltskye Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 My ex and I really wanted to be friends and agreed not to contact for 3 weeks, at which point I could contact when I was ready. I'm thinking its going to take a lot longer than that, and I might wait until he contacts me. I don't want to be the girl that won't let go, I need to respect his decision, and if he wants me back, he knows what to do. That doesn't mean I don't want to be friends eventually. I think maybe sometimes its easier for the dumper to want to be friends, and the dumpee thinks its a great idea because its some way to keep up hope and keep them in our lives so they might change their mind. But as I got a little space from it I realized that I needed to distance myself from him and forget about him for a while before I can handle being friends with him. I love him so much though I want to stay close. I thought I was doing really well yesterday just feeling normal and not sad about things until I freaked out and had a complete panic attack (I needed a pill to calm down).
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