I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 After a very successful "trial" living-together for a couple months last summer, we've decided to move in together for good this April/May. I'm very happy! But at the same time, sort of overwhelmed. We've discussed the basics (where we want to live, how much we plan to spend, splitting rent payment, pets, lifestyles, et cetera), but neither of us have lived with a SO before, and I'm kind of at a loss for what else we need to take into account. Any thoughts, advice, stories, or insight about moving in with an SO for a first-timer would be much appreciated!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 It sounds like you guys have talked about the basics...I suggest you talk about who is going to pay the rent, how you are going to pay for groceries, apartment neccessities, ect. You also need to be sure that you each get your own individual time to yourself. You don't need to spend every minute of the day together, make sure you go out with your own friends and do your own thing in addition to doing things together. Remember to have open communication as well..any issue that comes up discuss it and make sure to listen to each other's point of view. If you have an argument, take a time out if you want to, but don't just storm out of the apartment..that isn't going to help matters. Stay in that apartment and work things out! Other than those things, I think if you make sure to discuss issues and be clear about finances, free time, friends coming over, ect. then you should be good to go.
norajane Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 (edited) Make sure you don't slip into the 'we live together so we don't need to go out' routine. It's easy to forget that you still should 'date' just because you see each other every day. Don't let the romance slip away! Plan dates each week so that you get out of the house and do something fun together. ETA: oh, and if you two recycle, make sure you agree on who takes the recycling out! I can't begin to tell you how much resentment I built up with an ex...he was all about recycling, to the point of bringing in bottles and stuff he found outside or in the yard. BUT, then I would always end up being the one to take the heavy recycling bins down the stairs each week because he'd conveniently forget to do it! And don't fall for the trick where he always does some household chore in a half-assed way so that you get frustrated finding bits of food on the 'clean' dishes and tell him you'll do it instead... Edited February 6, 2008 by norajane
g1976b Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Make sure you don't slip into the 'we live together so we don't need to go out' routine. It's easy to forget that you still should 'date' just because you see each other every day. Don't let the romance slip away! Plan dates each week so that you get out of the house and do something fun together. Completely AGREE!!!!! Don't relax or get passive with your dating! My relationship is ending right now and we've lived together for a year. I didn't listen to her, help out enough on cooking/cleaning, etc. We also got into a habit of staying home and watching movies and so forth on weekends. It's just no good. PLEASE don't make the same mistakes I did.
Author I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 That's actually great advice for any longterm relationship, norajane! Even now, we often turn down party invites to stay home and play video games (in fact, last weekend we had three events to go to, and didn't end up going to ONE). I think I am going to plan a date for us this weekend, right now Great words of wisdom guys, keep 'em coming!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 That's actually great advice for any longterm relationship, norajane! Even now, we often turn down party invites to stay home and play video games (in fact, last weekend we had three events to go to, and didn't end up going to ONE). I think I am going to plan a date for us this weekend, right now Great words of wisdom guys, keep 'em coming! Yeah, that's a hard habit to break. You can even get out and do things even if you don't have a lot of money..my bf and I often times will just go to the mall and walk around just to get out of the house. We also like going to the park (when it's nice out) and other things that cost little or no money. It's nice to get out instead of just sit in the apartment. It's hard sometimes to break that habit, because you have the mentality that you already have someone to go home with and you can be together wihtout going out and spending money or planning something.
Jilly Bean Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I think money ends up being the biggest thing when living with someone. Also, watch what you put in common. For instance, I registered my ex's car, because it was convenient at the time to do so (bf had too many unpaid parking tix - lol). When we split, it was a CHORE and a half to get my name off the registration, as we were not getting a divorce, so the DMV didn't feel like it was as important, and as I was a year short of common law status, they didn't recognize me wanting to separate our assets and joint commitments. Same thing with our checking account - I think I am still on it, actually! Point is, the law doesn't recognize co-habitants in a lot of situations, so joining certain "legalities" can get sticky if it doesn't work out.
BrianG Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Since my first shot at living with a SO failed miserably after only 6 months. Don't walk out on arguments, and if necessary if things get heated, take a break and take a breather. Since you most likely be in close courters more often, the little things can get to you, but remember the big picture that you both love each other. Also, you definelty need to keep up the romance, walk in the park together, something/anything. My biggest piece of advice is COMPROMISE and that takes effective communication. Your used to things being a certain way, and he is used to things a certain way. You need to come together on a common arrangement. I wish I would have found this site and made a post like this before we moved in together. I would have probably saved myself a lot of heartache and money. Good luck, and remember the big picture that you both love each other.
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