Blamed0 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Hello there. heres my story. I've been in my school for 11 years, last year for me. Theres this girl who joined last year, but i didn't really know her at that time. This year, we've been taking subjects with each other, and i got to know her a bit better. I asked her out, and we got along well with each other and got a bit close. we stayed together for about 1-2months, until she broke us up. She said: 'sorry.. i think we should break up.. i've been thinking, and i came to a conclusion that i don't love you in that way.. and i love you in a brother-sister way.. and i told you this now so you don't find out later on by coincidence, and i'd have been fooling you all this time, so i thought i'd tell you now.' There was nothing really i did wrong, well she liked me and all that, and i didn't do anything to hurt her or anything, but i guess things didn't work out. Anyway, i got pissed obviously, and i didnt talk to her for 3-5 days, which was certainly killing me, but i was certainly annoyed. After that time, we started talking again, and i've helped her in alot of situations, and showed that i still cared for her, even though we aren't together. and i don't think i showed her that i still loved her in that way, i was just being a great friend. I still loved her, and our break up didn't change my feelings towards her, but i didn't show it. We got really really close, more close than we where in our relationship. so about 45 days after we broke up, she suddenly talked to me by saying; "Well i've been thinking and all that.. we've gotten really close now, and i think we should give it another shot together.. thats if you still want to be with me. I asked.. why? she was like.. I miss you.. so after a few hours of thinking, i gave her my decision, which was an OK. I asked.. no more of brother-sister love or..? she agreed. We got well together, talked alot, went out alot, and had alot of fun. about 2 weeks ago, her parents found out that she smoked(which i was helping her to stop, and made her cut down to 2 smokes per day which was going fine). When her parents found out, they confiscated her phone and ipod, and they didn't allow guys calling her at home. So the only way i could talk to her, was only between lessons in school, and obviously she was grounded, and cant go out. And above this, when we got together this time, she decided on not telling anyone, to avoid any other complications with other people and all that, and i agreed to that too. In school, we talked like 1-2 mins between lessons, and sometimes we don't talk. When we have a free lesson, sometimes she talks with her girl-friends so i can't really interfere with them, they're doing their girl-girl talk thing. So sometimes its quite hard to talk to her. Above all that, i can't really get physically with her, and by physically i mean hugging/kissing/holding and all that, because that would show people that we're together again, and we decided in the beginning not to tell people, so this was a problem. Here was how our day worked lately.. I see her in registration in the morning in class, and i just like say hi.. well i can't hug her can i? then we have a lesson, talk/not talk for 1-2mins then that goes on until the rest of the day. and at Lunchtime sometimes she hangs out with friends, and i can't interfere in their convo. At the end of the day, i say bye bye, and i love you in a whispering voice, so people wont think otherwise. --- Thats my story, thanks for reading.. Whats bothering me is: - I don't get much time to talk to her. - I think somethings wrong.. she doesn't do much effort in her side of the relationship in my opinion.. - What do i do? - Am i doing something wrong here? - ANY advice would seriously help alot. Thanks again for reading, and thanks for any advice you give.
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Don't be so impatient. She's not grounded for life, is she? Wait until she's permitted to go out again, then go back to normal. You're both really really young, so don't hang too much importance or deep and lasting' value to this relationship. You should both be thinking about enjoying your young days, not getting so serious that you think this is the be-all-and-end-all of life. If you go to university you'll probably be separated anyway, so things are bound to change. Relax. enjoy, and just chill.
Author Blamed0 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 I am not really being impatient here. It's that i'm the one giving all the effort in this relationship. What i forgot to add is, most of the time i'm the one who's going after her to talk to her and all that, which makes it quite hard, and making me feel that she doesn't really care.
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 If at first you don't succeed, give up. there's no point being an idiot about it. If you stop, and she starts doing the running, you'll know there's an interest. If you stop, and there's no reaction - you'll know you've been wasting all this effort when you could have been having a good time! Stop running after her, and see what happens.
Author Blamed0 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Well, Yes thats what i've been trying to do lately. and the other problem is the issue about people not knowing about us together. I think i should also talk to her about that and about telling people, well atleast close friends, that we're together.
Author Blamed0 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 but the strange thing is, there is these occasions where she comes and we talk for like 1-2hours alone and all that
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I'm 51, I can't get into the mind of a teenager very easily... at the risk of sounding ancient, "things were different when I were a lass...." But personally, I think you're trying to read waaaay too much into this. I think this is a classic case of teen-puberty-development-growing confusion. you're both finding your way, and you're neithe of you actually very sure of what is what....I'm not trying to trivialise or belittle your situation. I realise this seems important to you now. It's a way of validating who you are, and all the efforts you're making. And I know it's difficult to make heads or tails of it. I know I probably sound like "Your Mother" but really, try to not worry or have too much angst over this. In 3 month's time, it won't matter diddly-squat.... Just be yourself, act naturally and if she wants to be all mysterious, hot-and-cold and distant yet intimate - then I think it just shows she's as confused about the whole thing as you are. Teenagers aren't supposed to have all the answers about relationships. Because you know what? Neither do we "old and experienced " adults. If all the emotional, relationship issues were easy to solve, you think a forum like this would exist? trust me, please.... juat be cool. Go with the flow, relax and let it ride smooth and easy. ther will be other girls for you, and other guys for her, no doubt. But if you two ARE destined to find young, permanent and lasting love as "childhood sweethearts", (and I'm not being patronising, honestly!) then things will unfold accordingly....
Author Blamed0 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Thanks for the advice, and yes, i know this is just a present thing, and after time if we don't stay together, it will just be like a depression-then-nothing happened stage.. Well but for now, this is the important thing to me, i care and love her, but then we'll see, time will tell on how things conclude to. Thanks again.
Little Shy Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Or there abouts... are you still in high school I presume? I gotta be honest with you. I don't think this sounds very good reflecting her interest. 1st she tells you right out the gate, maybe you should just be friends. Then later, after you are super cool & there for her for months, she tells you lets give it another shot "but in secret" so as for none of your mutual friends or presumably family to know??? I used to mess with guys alot when I was young, and I would only act like this if I wasn't really that into the guy. And believe me, I knew exactly what I was doing to them. Why would I bother at all then? To get the continuing esteem boost of having some guy around who adored me. Wether I liked him in the same way or not! I was a tease, and I guess insecure, but thats a lot of teenagers for you & Thank god I grew out of it. Even back then, if I was completely into the guy, I would love everyone to know we were dating. I was getting grounded ALL the time in high school. If my parents would have taken away my phone, and not permitted any guys to call me at home, I would have spent a ton of time at school, during breaks and so forth trying to spend time with the guy I liked. After all, when the heck else was I gonna see him or talk to him? Couldn't she have asked her parents to allow you to call her at home because you were the one that is convincing her to stop smoking cigarettes? You should try reading up on adult relationship difficulties, you would find that No one considers it a good sign when the person you are dating wants to keep your relationship a secret from the rest of the world. She obviously wants to keep you around because you have treated her so kindly. Maybe take your kindness & attention and bestow it on a girl that reciprocates back. Best of luck.
Author Blamed0 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Thank you for that great advice, and yes, its quite weird that she wanted to keep this as a secret, i will probably end up talking to her about this, and either publicise it, or atleast get her to do her part in the relationship. And if this doesn't work, i will probably break up with her.
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