M2k Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 (edited) hi all, i have joined this site in hope of any advice and to really just get my feelings out! ok so... i have been best friends with a girl i know for 6 years and we have been in a proper releationship for 2 years and 11 months, got engaged about a year ago ago and everything was great.. she is the love of my life.. for the last past 6 months we have argued quite a bit.. and she has dumped me quite a few times, but we always got back together.. she has some very real issues, she was diagnosed with depression about 6 months into our releationship after having an abortion, she was put on anti depressants. (which coincidently she neglected to tell me about) .. either way i have been through pure hell with her because i love her so so much... anyway about a week ago, i had an argument wiht my boss and text her saying "looks like i wont be getting a pay rise, just had a argument with my boss".. she replied saying "good thing you didnt get that new car then" .. now i may have reacted irrationally but i got a bit of a hump on because she didnt even ask what we argued about.. later she text me to let me know she had had a bad day 2. she ended up texting saying "i have made up my mind, i dont want to be with you anymore sorry."... two hours earlier she had said she would never leave me and how much she loved me, and the previous day we were looking for our first house.. coincidentally she had seen her doctor the previous week and her told to cut down to half the amount of anti depressants she takes... i believe this could be part of the reason as the doctor told her she may start feeling like she cant cope etc etc. since then i have to be quite honest bombarded her with texts asking why and telling i would do anything for her to give me one more chance. i tried not to but i had to let her know how i felt and how much i loved her.. she really is my world. i have been beating myself up.. my work has slipped, and because im not very busy at this time of the year i am constantly thinking of her.. i have drunk every single night bar one since she left and the one night i dreamt of her with some guy from her work who has asked her out a few times.. i woke up in a cold sweat 3 times.. i was soaking... the next day i saw on facebook she had added him and sent him a message saying "hey sexy" ... now this really killed me.. i feel like im dying here and i dont know what to do with myself! i am making a conscience effort to not text her as all she has said since is "i dont want to be with you"... dont i even desserve to know why? but it is valentines day next week, which coincidently would be our 3 year anniversary.. i have already paid for a weekend away .. and have not canceld on the of chance she would take me back.. i was thinking of making one last ditch effort 2 her by sending her some roses. i was going to do it so she got 35 in the morning saying "one for each of the months we have been together" then another 14 to her work saying "1 for each of the years i will wait for you" and then another one deliverd for when she gets home from work saying "1 because thats the amount of chances i need" obviously a card, with a small note in there saying "i really believe we can work this out if you just give me the chance to proove i am the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with... im not asking for you back, im done with begging you, just let me proove this to you and maybee you will see what i see" ... any ideas.. this a good idea or really bad idea.. any advice is greatly appreciated! sorry if this is hard to read or if i have rambled and jumped about! thanks! Edited February 6, 2008 by M2k
FlyByNite Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Hey, I really feel for you - I have been getting mixed messages too, and I know how it messes with you. I know you want to get your girl back, but I really don't think your valentines idea is a good one. Only you know your ex, but she has said that she doesn't want to be with you, and as much as it hurts, you need to respect that. Sending all those flowers, even with the message, just says to her that she can do whatever she wants, and you will still be there. If she wants to be with you, the flowers aren't going to persuade her, she would come back anyway. I know you want closure and to know 'why', but unfortunately a lot of the time we will never know, and you aren't going to talk her into coming back. If she makes that decision, she needs to make it on her own. I do really feel for you - I am going through my own hell right now, and can't understand what the insurmountable problem was - but logic doesn't come into this unfortunately, you can't persuade someone to be with you - and if you do, it would only be temporary - as I know to my cost (ex left once before, came back, left again 4 months later). You need to know that they have chosen to be with you, for you. Good luck.
Author M2k Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 cheers for the reply, i did have my doubts.. i just cant stand the thought of her with anyone else.. after all i gave been through for her its just like a kick in the face..
a4a Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Is this a matter of "winning" (her not being with anyone else) or actually having a happy life? I suggest you date other people and likely you will find that their are people out there that are more stable and more willing to be in a happy relationship instead of a drama packed one.
Author M2k Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Is this a matter of "winning" (her not being with anyone else) or actually having a happy life? I suggest you date other people and likely you will find that their are people out there that are more stable and more willing to be in a happy relationship instead of a drama packed one. No.. i just mean that i cant handle the thought of her with someone else. if i thought she would be happy with someone else i would leave her to it.. but i dont.. i know she still loves me and she is only doing this because she is sick of arguing.. dating other people.. cant do it.. sat night went clubbing for a friends girlfriends birthday.. which helped.. stayed down there with all of my friends... but one of his gf friends was coming on very strong to me and dragged me into her bedroom and tried to kiss me.. i kissed her but after about half a second i was pushing her away ... and out the door quick as ***** off a shovel!.. was nice to know i still had some attraction to women other than my ex.. but no one will ever be her. thanks for your reply .. its really helping hearing peoples thoughts!
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