lovelorcet Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Maybe you both just need a lesson in effective communication? Because what maybe worked seven years ago isn't necessarily going to work today or even seven years from now. Lesson 1: Don't do this over the phone...
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Well, our relationship before getting married was long distanc, we would talk for sometimes five hours a day, e-mail and write letters. There has been issues much bigger then this in our relationship. After getting married he was way more noncommunicative, e.g. we were at the zoo waiting to watch a show (not talking) and he started to laugh, I asked him what he was laughing about and he said nothing. I said, "oh because something was funny." He got pissed and told me to stop bugging him. This was about six-seven years ago and yeah, we have both matured since then. I don't ask question like that anymore. Another good example: an old co-worker of mine (male) invited me to a concert it had been about a year since we last spoke. The guy is nice but can sometimes be inappopriate, I tried not to think to much about it because I did not want to be offensive so I went to the concert with him. Afterwards I had plans to go out with my friend and two brother in laws soI invited him along. The whole night he was a little to close for comfort (I like my personal space). The next day he called to say he had a great time and to invite me to a party at his friends, I declined. The next day he called and invited me to a movie, I declined. The next day he called to see if I wanted to hang out that weekend, I declined. I was a little creeped out, so I mentioned to my H that he kept calling me and I was getting uncomfortable. He response was to tell me that he did not mind if we wanted to be friends, it was not a big deal to him. I explained that I did not want to hang out with the guy, my H again said, it's not a big deal to him. I never called the guy back because I did not want to. My H did not understand that, to me, this guy was bothering me even after I explained my reasons for not wanting to hang out with the guy (which were that he was a little too touchy). That is a serious break down of communication, I guess I expected him to come to my rescue. I realize now that it was my burden to deal with.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 wait...so you go to social events with other men, and you're upset that your husband says "what's up" when you call for no reason?
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Wow...that puts a whole new spin on things. He sounds like he doesn't care very much about you, what you need, how you feel. El sucko. And that's love how? Does he have issues or something? You two should be close by now. Very close by now. Something is holding him back from getting there.
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Kenzie, I went to a concert, and asked him if it was okay. He has gone to lunch with old women friends. I really like my personal space and he has no reason to trust me, I rarely hug people to include my best friend since I was three. Yeah, I wish I knew what was holding him back, maybe it's a long list of issues since we first got together, this is for both of us the only "real" relationship we have ever been in.
lovelorcet Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Kenzie, I went to a concert, and asked him if it was okay. He has gone to lunch with old women friends. I really like my personal space and he has no reason to trust me, I rarely hug people to include my best friend since I was three. Maybe there is something more to that. How are you at meeting his needs?
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Intimacy, great! We are very affectionate with one another. We hug, hold hands and kiss all the time. We often get asked if we are newly weds.
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Also, that should say no reason NOT to trust me. Please don't read into that. HAHA.
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Hmmm, sex. Well, I hope I am. He does look at porn a lot and that caused some problems the first few years of our marriage, now I have learned to accept it. We have had issues with him getting an erection and I must say, which I have not said until now, for me the sex is getting very boring. There is hardly foreplay anymore, so sad. We rarely even french kiss and I miss that. Because of other issues there is a lot of stress on both of us when it comes to sex.
lovelorcet Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Intimacy, great! We are very affectionate with one another. We hug, hold hands and kiss all the time. We often get asked if we are newly weds. Hmmm, sex. Well, I hope I am. He does look at porn a lot and that caused some problems the first few years of our marriage, now I have learned to accept it. We have had issues with him getting an erection and I must say, which I have not said until now, for me the sex is getting very boring. There is hardly foreplay anymore, so sad. We rarely even french kiss and I miss that. Because of other issues there is a lot of stress on both of us when it comes to sex. These two posts seem very hypocritical to me. Why would you answer one way to the first and then so differently to the second??
Author redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I guess to me there are different types of intimacy. We are very affectionate outside the bedroom but in the bedroom a little dysfunctional.
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