sumdude Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Here's the scenario. My dad is 80 and getting to where he might need someone around. He's living at the family home alone. I'm worried about him and considering moving in with him to keep an eye on him. It's not that I need to, I can take care of myself. I might have to move soon anyway for other reasons. So this way I save some money, keep my dad company. How would a woman dating veiw this? How uncomfortable or awkward would it be to spend time (the night in particular lol) knowing old pops was in the house.. How would you veiw a 40 year old man living at home with dad? Just something I'm weighing in my decision to move or not.
amaysngrace Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I chimed in on your post yesterday. I would think it was precious for a guy to be taking care of his father. That right there would tell me a lot about the kind of man he was. And I'd respect him for that. As for staying the night...well...there's always my place.
Lizzie60 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I chimed in on your post yesterday. I would think it was precious for a guy to be taking care of his father. That right there would tell me a lot about the kind of man he was. And I'd respect him for that. As for staying the night...well...there's always my place. Hahaha.. yeah that would tell me that the guy is living at the expense of his dad or his mom...
starlite Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Normally, HUGE turnoff...I would be all set. But I think in your situation it is a bit different. If you meet someone just be honest and say "I was living on my own, but my fathers health isn't doing so well and he really needs someone around, so I moved in with him." I dont know about sleepovers. When I met my last bf he lived with his parents because he was a loser and I still stayed there for a while. I was only 22 then....now that I am 25 it would be a huge deal breaker! But like i said, your circumstances are different. Keep the house nice, look neat, keep your job, keep your car nice...basically keep your life as together as possible.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I agree with Starlite. It's different since your dad is elderly etc. I don't know about sleepovers- but hopefully any woman you would date would have her own place for that.
amaysngrace Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Hahaha.. yeah that would tell me that the guy is living at the expense of his dad or his mom... I don't think so. Not if he were pitching in to help with the expenses. If he was a mooch that's a whole different story but this is an elderly widowed father. And it's not like sumdude HAS to live there...he WANTS to live there. Totally changes everything.
Author sumdude Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Hahaha.. yeah that would tell me that the guy is living at the expense of his dad or his mom... Oh please... I have a job and a place to live as it is. I suppose I should just shove pops in some nasty retirement home to die alone then? Man what a shallow society we live in...
AriaIncognito Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I think typically it's a turnoff. However, your situation is a bit different. If you were living at home because you just never felt like supporting yourself it would be a lot different than what your situation is. I'd agree though, don't expect any sleepovers in your own bed, go to the woman's home. It's too creepy to think about doing the nasty with a parent in the other room.
maynicholas Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 But I think in your situation it is a bit different. If you meet someone just be honest and say "I was living on my own, but my fathers health isn't doing so well and he really needs someone around, so I moved in with him." That is exactly how you should frame it. Moving in to help take care of your father is a very kind thing to do. Just be honest about it (which I'm sure you would) and I don't see it as a problem. Now if you were 40 and STILL living at home, that would be a different story. Perhaps, depending on the size of the home, you could have bedrooms on separate floors?
Lizzie60 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Oh please... I have a job and a place to live as it is. I suppose I should just shove pops in some nasty retirement home to die alone then? Man what a shallow society we live in... Oh OK.. you have a home.. I thought you were going to move with your dad... Then you can take your date to your house.
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Oh OK.. you have a home.. I thought you were going to move with your dad... Then you can take your date to your house. He's thinking about moving in with his Dad because the man is 80 years old and of failing health!
Author sumdude Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Normally, HUGE turnoff...I would be all set. But I think in your situation it is a bit different. If you meet someone just be honest and say "I was living on my own, but my fathers health isn't doing so well and he really needs someone around, so I moved in with him." I dont know about sleepovers. When I met my last bf he lived with his parents because he was a loser and I still stayed there for a while. I was only 22 then....now that I am 25 it would be a huge deal breaker! But like i said, your circumstances are different. Keep the house nice, look neat, keep your job, keep your car nice...basically keep your life as together as possible. Yeah... it's a big decision for me to make. Not like I'm some slacker looking for a free ride. The only real benefits I get ... Save a little money, pay off some debts perhaps. Spend more time with dad, there's no telling how long he'll be around. Otherwise it's more responsibilty. I'd be there for him,, I'd pay part of the expenses and do work on the place. I would lose some liberties and have to deal with what appears to be some stigma attached to the living arrangement. A lot to think about...
littlekitty Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 If I knew the circumstances, it would make me respect you for how much you cared about your father.
quankanne Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I wouldn't have a problem with it because I'm close to my own parents, so I'd respect you even more for wanting to step up to help your pop. Granted, intimacy might be awkward at first, but things would work themselves out.
Jilly Bean Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Family before all else, hon. Absolutely! Move in with your Dad. That should be your priority - not your dating life. One day, your Dad won't be here, and you really dont want to look back on it and reflect that you made the wrong choice by leaving him alone or putting him in a home, so you could maintain a nice romantic life. I vote step up and move in with him. The right kind of woman would respect and support your choice, whereas someone not very family-oriented might be turned off, which isn't who you would want anyhow.
amaysngrace Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 The only real benefits I get ... Save a little money, pay off some debts perhaps. Spend more time with dad, there's no telling how long he'll be around. That benefit is huge. Just that you're considering it says a lot. Most kids are too selfish to take care of their parents. Because it would cramp their lifestyle. You aren't wrong to back down on it. You'd be in the majority. It would feel like moving back and not going forward. But it is only a temporary situation and there are no do-overs. You really need to weigh this out. It is a huge burden you are signing yourself up for if you go back. Can I make a suggestion? How about going to his house more frequently now, say like on a weekend day, and spend some serious time there with him? It would give you a better idea of what you'd be signing up for before you make a firm commitment.
sandflea Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Dude - if you love your father, and don't want to just shovel him off to some retirement home, and some gal thinks that's creepy - well. Forget her! If she can't understand how big your heart is for doing what you think is right, I'd say, she's so shallow, thoughtless, and morally ambivalent that you wouldn't want to be with her anyway. What you're doing is showing great courage and love for you pop. You do what you think is right, and I guarantee you, someone out there will see it for what it is. Especially when you show her the satin sheets at YOUR place! LOL!
Author sumdude Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 That benefit is huge. Just that you're considering it says a lot. Most kids are too selfish to take care of their parents. Because it would cramp their lifestyle. You aren't wrong to back down on it. You'd be in the majority. It would feel like moving back and not going forward. But it is only a temporary situation and there are no do-overs. You really need to weigh this out. It is a huge burden you are signing yourself up for if you go back. Can I make a suggestion? How about going to his house more frequently now, say like on a weekend day, and spend some serious time there with him? It would give you a better idea of what you'd be signing up for before you make a firm commitment. I usually see him once or twice a week as it is. He's only a couple miles away. Sunday evening is usually Dad time. We get together for the football game or go out for dinner.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 sumdude, I think it is very noble to move in and take care of your father in his golden years. It shows that family is a priority in your life. To me it's not the same as those who move back with parents to mooch because they have three ex wives,six kids, and can't afford their self-created lifestyle (ie: mess.) Unless your room would have an entrance where meeting up with Dad in the morning would be improbable, I do think I would be uncomfortable sleeping there...at first. I'm not suggesting that spending any time with Dad would be out of the question, just that I would rather e-a-s-e into it. You're a smart guy, I know I'm not saying anything you haven't already considered. Sure, some women won't stick around long enough to understand your situation, but those who are worth it, will.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I usually see him once or twice a week as it is. He's only a couple miles away. Sunday evening is usually Dad time. We get together for the football game or go out for dinner. I'd be careful how you did this. Can you buy the house next door instead? Most women will tell you what you want to hear on this subject, however when it comes to actually dating you... that's another story. I have a friend who tried this and his relationships rarely lasted more than a month, when beforehand he was having no problems. Then again, maybe that's just because he was 24. Either way, take care of your Dad.
Balthazar Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Be with Dad! you know it's the right thing to do. As other posters said, any woman worth having will view the situation positively and appreciate the integrity and love of family that you are showing, a love that you will tomorrow show to her also! And if a woman doesn't approve, well, she is not a woman really worth being with.
Porn Man Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Here's the scenario. My dad is 80 and getting to where he might need someone around. He's living at the family home alone. I'm worried about him and considering moving in with him to keep an eye on him. It's not that I need to, I can take care of myself. I might have to move soon anyway for other reasons. So this way I save some money, keep my dad company. How would a woman dating veiw this? How uncomfortable or awkward would it be to spend time (the night in particular lol) knowing old pops was in the house.. How would you veiw a 40 year old man living at home with dad? Just something I'm weighing in my decision to move or not. I say go for it. What you are doing is great. Your dad is lucky to have a son like you and if any woman is shallow enough to base her decision of whether or not to date you on that, then so be it. You don't need a woman like that in your life.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Any woman who would look down on you for this is not worth your time. You are doing an amazing and selfless thing!
StartingOver07 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I'd date you. And your values would speak volumes to me. Sex at my place, though...
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