Out Of The Blue

[sugahoney]

Ok here is my problem and thanks for any advice.

 

So me and my ex broke up about a month ago but we were still speaking to one another although not as much as before. We work together and he used to message me everyday at work just to see how I was doing and to check in. Our major problem was communicating with each other, it was usually done via text and msn we hardly spoke on the phone.

 

So on sunday I sent him an email wanting to get some stuff off my chest, I explained why I am how I am and why I didnt really let him in when we were together. On Monday when I got to work we talked about the stuff I said and he told me that if I had told him this stuff earlier things would have turned out different, He also said he didnt want us to be just about sex and that if things were to start looking up(we were to start communicating properly we could go back spending some time together). He told me if i had anything else to say during the day i could just send him an email( he doesnt have a job where he can call me on the phone during the day to talk for long, he works in a call centre). So i sent him an email to ask a question and we went back and forth for a while, when I left work for the day he texted me to ask me a question and then called, this went on for a while and then later he called me at home, we started to talk about little stuff and we talked for about 2 hours.

 

Later he texted he a couple more times and then he asked me to call him as it was getting a bit late we talked for about half an hour and then said goodnight. On tuesday when i got to work he was all smiles and joking with me, we talked a bit on email, I thought maybe things were going to be a little better. Then yesterday evening i got a text from him saying he will not be calling, texting or visiting me outside of work anymore that this is just something he needs to do.

 

Against my better judgement i called him and asked if he is saying he doesnt want me to contact him at all, he said if i call him or text him he will respond, and that we can still chat on msn, I said ok and ended the call.

 

I dont understand where this came from all of a sudden, I seriously think I will leave him alone and stop contacting him for a while.

 

What do you guys think of this?

[sandflea]

Ok here is my problem and thanks for any advice.

 

So me and my ex broke up about a month ago but we were still speaking to one another although not as much as before. We work together and he used to message me everyday at work just to see how I was doing and to check in. Our major problem was communicating with each other, it was usually done via text and msn we hardly spoke on the phone.

 

So on sunday I sent him an email wanting to get some stuff off my chest, I explained why I am how I am and why I didnt really let him in when we were together. On Monday when I got to work we talked about the stuff I said and he told me that if I had told him this stuff earlier things would have turned out different, He also said he didnt want us to be just about sex and that if things were to start looking up(we were to start communicating properly we could go back spending some time together). He told me if i had anything else to say during the day i could just send him an email( he doesnt have a job where he can call me on the phone during the day to talk for long, he works in a call centre). So i sent him an email to ask a question and we went back and forth for a while, when I left work for the day he texted me to ask me a question and then called, this went on for a while and then later he called me at home, we started to talk about little stuff and we talked for about 2 hours.

 

Later he texted he a couple more times and then he asked me to call him as it was getting a bit late we talked for about half an hour and then said goodnight. On tuesday when i got to work he was all smiles and joking with me, we talked a bit on email, I thought maybe things were going to be a little better. Then yesterday evening i got a text from him saying he will not be calling, texting or visiting me outside of work anymore that this is just something he needs to do.

 

Against my better judgement i called him and asked if he is saying he doesnt want me to contact him at all, he said if i call him or text him he will respond, and that we can still chat on msn, I said ok and ended the call.

 

I dont understand where this came from all of a sudden, I seriously think I will leave him alone and stop contacting him for a while.

 

What do you guys think of this?

 

To me it sounds like he's on the fence, and he's trying to work up the courage to call it off. Having said that, he clearly is conflicted about it, and he wants to at least have enough control over the situation to make the first move.

 

I'd go with NC as well - and be polite, but firm. If he watches you start to pull away as well it could lead to the old "rubber band" where he suddenly gets attracted to you again. Happens all the time.

 

I've been right where you are. It's better to work through your own transition on your own, and show some inner resolve - regardless of whether or not you guys get back together. If you do - great - You've shown that you can't be rattled by those kind of "come here - go away" tactics. If you don't, you've already started to move on.

 

SF

[becauseofyou]

I agree with Sandflea - he does sound quite conflicted. Take a step back and let him initiate contact, don't email him first or text or call. Wait for him to make contact with you. That way you are giving him his space and showing that you are not clingy.

 

Best of luck with it!

[sugahoney]

I got to work late today and he emailed me about an hour later, telling me that he doesnt know if i want to talk to him but he doing it anyway. he said he was going to call me when he saw i wasnt at work to see if i was coming but thought better of it and he asked me if everything was ok with me. At first I didnt respond to the email and then he called me to ask if i saw his email and was going to respond.

 

I told him I didnt see the point in talking to someone who doesnt care about me and wants to have nothing to do with me. After that he kept coming up with some reason to come by my desk or call me for most of the day. I dont know what he thinks this will accomplish and i really dont want to say anything else to him because i have decided to back off and give him his space.

 

Some friends from work planned a get together for sunday and i dont know if i should go or not because i know he will be there and its really hard having to see him at work as it is. What do you think.

[sandflea]

I say let him sweat it out - and really, you're just accomodating him (LOL!). You know, the whole 'space' thing.

 

Feel your power coming back? You should - you're in control. Relish it and keep your head. You don't have to be mean, just a bit distant and non-commital.

 

If it's clear he's suffering, he apologizes, and he grovels - then you make the call. Tell him you want to 'date' - and get a nice dinner out of the deal.

 

Best of luck!

 

SF

[sugahoney]

So here is more to my story.

 

I get a text at 1:25 am this morning from him asking if everything was ok with me yesterday at work cause I looked sick. I responded and asked why he wanted to know, he said he just wanted to make sure i was ok. This from someone who said two days ago he would not be contacting me anymore and he has done this twice in two days. I dont know what does this mean? Is he just messing with my head?

 

I have this thing on Sunday to go to with some friends from work and I dont know if i should take someone with me or go alone. I dont want him to think that I have moved on, although I think he might be seeing someone.

 

I think maybe I should feel bad about us not speaking to each other but I dont really, I have moments where I think what went wrong and wish I could go back and fix them, I dont know am I just fooling myself thinking he cares at all?

 

What do you guys think?