Sadcakesleo Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Hey everybody Ill try to make this story short, I have been dating my gf for over three years and we have lived together over a year. 2 weeks ago we got into a pretty big fight, it seemed small to me but now I understand it was her last straw.All of it is pretty much my fault, shes given me multiple chances to change and I haven't.Ive been selfish and inconsiderate throughout the relationship.I tell her I am gonna change but she just says she heard that before.Anyways she has been telling me that she needs space, time to herself. I am trying to do that but it's kind of hard since every night she comes home and sleeps in the bed. We aren't doing anything. Problem is she lives 5 min away from her parents and she moved out voluntarily.Why isn't she going back home? I am trying to get the courage to tell her go but I am so scared. I asked her today if there is a chance for us to get back together and she said she doesn't know. I kind of hinted that maybe its best she move out if there is no chance. Her response was that I don't know means there is a chance.wtf.shes telling me not pressure her. she says she cant see herself without me but she doesn't know. I don't want to pressure her but I also don't want to be stuck in this situation for a long time. its killing me enough already. can anybody tell me what the hell is she thinking? What would you guys do in my shoes? did i pressure her by saying what i said or was i right in saying it? I just dont want to feel like this anymore.i feel like i cant function with her here but i dont want her to leave if theres a chance.I just want the courage to fight the i need space breakup.
becauseofyou Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 can anybody tell me what the hell is she thinking? She's sounds pretty confused. I'm not sure why she wouldn't at least go stay with her parents whilst she figures things out. Perhaps she really wants to make it work and is looking to you for a sign that things will improve? What would you guys do in my shoes? I would probably tell her that it is causing me a lot of stress and that the living situation needs to be sorted out. It's great you have given her two weeks to think but now is probably the time to start figuring out what's going to happen. In what ways have you been selfish and inconsiderate to her?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 If she were to truly move out (meaning she does not come back) and request not to see you anymore and then make no moves to keep in contact with you then I would say she is sincere about needing space. Since she is still coming home to you every night, it sounds like she may be using the 'space' line without really meaning it in order to get you in line. You may want to consider making some changes though. She could go from not really meaning it to really meaning it in a relatively short period of time. I think what she wants to see are actions, not promises to change.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 In what ways have you been selfish and inconsiderate to her? I have neglected her alot. Sometimes I would tell her to leave the apartment to go see her family or sometimes I would tell her to go to sleep so I can watch tv by myself or play video games. Thos are just some examples
Author Sadcakesleo Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 She has given me chances before and I said I would change and I only would for a few weeks then go back to normal. She warned me that one day she would have enough and just leave me. This really sucks I feel like I am living a nightmare and nothing I do can make this feel better. I woke up this morning after having a bad dream feeling like crap. I asked her before she went to work to say something positive about us. she replied"I did last night when I said I can't see myself without in my life" I asked her if she loved me she replied"of course I still do love doesn't go away in two days" Then I asked her if there is a chance for us to get back together she replied"don't ask me that" and left for work See my problem is I don't want to pressure her but I can't help myself I feel like she is leading me on. She is friendly to me be but is distant also.It seems like she aoesnt care about me. Help I don't know what to do and its making me crazy should I go spend time at my parents house for a couple days? should I stop asking questions and suck it up or should I tell her she needs to move back with her parents?
eric82 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 She has given me chances before and I said I would change and I only would for a few weeks then go back to normal. She warned me that one day she would have enough and just leave me. This really sucks I feel like I am living a nightmare and nothing I do can make this feel better. I woke up this morning after having a bad dream feeling like crap. I asked her before she went to work to say something positive about us. she replied"I did last night when I said I can't see myself without in my life" I asked her if she loved me she replied"of course I still do love doesn't go away in two days" Then I asked her if there is a chance for us to get back together she replied"don't ask me that" and left for work See my problem is I don't want to pressure her but I can't help myself I feel like she is leading me on. She is friendly to me be but is distant also.It seems like she aoesnt care about me. Help I don't know what to do and its making me crazy should I go spend time at my parents house for a couple days? should I stop asking questions and suck it up or should I tell her she needs to move back with her parents? i know you feel like by her sticking around yet being distant, she's sending you mixed signals and leading you on, but really she's not. she's showing you how much you mean to her but also how serious of a problem this is to her. she loves you and wants the relationship to work, but she needs permanent changes from you for the relationship to work. ask her what all specifically she needs from you to get things back on track and then do it. don't say you will, follow through by permanently doing it. don't focus on whether she still cares, the fact that she's still sticking around giving you the chance to make changes, even after you've broken past promises many times, proves that she loves you and doesn't want to give up on you. focus on improving yourself and making the necessary changes.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 thnx for the comments. Ive been really down and they have helped me alot. I know I need to make changes and I feel like I will but u r right, I can't just tell her. I have to show her because my words don't mean anything because she heard it all before. It is going to be hard especially since she is so distant but I have to try. about her staying I hope it means she cares and not due to any other reasons. Livng with somebody before you are married is hard but I feel that you have to live with someone before marriage because alot changes when you live together. It really isn't easy. Hopefully she can give the chance to me and I can be the man she wants
BrianG Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I used to live with my gf and she left our apartment after only 6 months saying she does not see a future together after living togehter. Give her space and here is your last straw if its not already too late. I like the advice in the previous posts. If you have the opportunity to find out what she wants/needs to get back on track do so. You mentioned that she has mentioned previously about changing and you fell back to same ways. I totally know how you feel because I did the same thing and it led to the demise of our relationship. Its going to take actions my friend. Find out what the issues are and write them down and look at them everyday so its always in your mind. Buy a book on it, something/anything and you have to STICK to it everyday. Don't do what i did, which was what your previously doing. At least you recongize that you have some things to work on, now you have to do something permanently about it. I'm rooting for you.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I agree that actions speak much louder than words. She doesn't want you to ask her questions about HER feelings- she wants to see you making active, intentional changes to show her you are capable of being the man she first fell in love with. Could you surprise her one evening when she comes home? Do something completely selfless for her, like clean the house, draw her a bath, have dinner waiting? Maybe even plan a nice night out- like a formal date...something that gets you out of the house together? If youw ant to change, and you are serious about it- it's going to be about actions....and not just one or two- it will take a concerted effort on your part to show her how much she means to you. I'd get sick and tired of someone who sent me away or neglected me too. I think that would eventually eat away at me and erode the relationship. But, if she is still sticking around, I am assuming she has mixed feelings, and you may be able to take action now to turn things around. What does SHE like to do? Could you guys go on a little weekend getaway? If nothing else- you taking action to give her space by leaving might be a good thing to do. You just don't want it to appear as if this is another way of abandoning her.
Recommended Posts