reconciling, but how to get over him having sex with someone else when we were apart?

[blubberbutt]

I totally love this guy, he dumped me in October after 9 months, I worked very hard to get over him, and at the end of December, when i was feeling better, of course he came back, shamelessly begging and pleading for me to take him back. He's doing everything possible to convince me he really wants me forever, and it's been about 1 1/2 months of us talking and him doing everything to prove his love for me, but we haven't "consummated" the relationship again because I want to take it slow.

 

Problem is, while we were broken up for 2-3 months, he slept with another girl. In fact, it was the girl he partially left me for. (why partially is long story but it's a big big deal to me, and I had no idea at the time, a big reason why I want to take this slow). It is hard enough to get over being left for someone else, but that he did that with another girl.... I know he is done with her and it was kind of a weird circumstance so I'm not too worried about him wanting to break up or ever wanting her again. But I just can't get it out of my head that he had sex with someone else! I don't care what he did before he met me, because he would have chosen me if he knew me, of course . But now, his parts have been somewhere else, his eyes, his hands, he kissed her god knows where, not to mention what she did to him.... how do I get that nightmare out of my head?? How do I feel special, like we share something special again, only between us? He desperately wants me to be able to take him back fully and move forward, and I think I want to, too, but I don't know how.

 

I might require him to buy another bed (but this is about emotions, not money..) ... any other suggestions? For me, for him?

[ninjacookies]

yeah I know how you feel

 

to be honest, if it's something you can't truthfully see yourself getting over 100 percent, you should just let him go. because it would be unfair to both of you if its something that you could never totally erase from your memory in the future...it'd just come up repeatedly and lead to the ultimate re-demise of the relationship. you'll end up pushing him away, no matter how much he wants you back. figure it this way...if you feel in your heart he is sincere...who cares where he's been while you were seperated...he's back to you and his 'emotions' are all yours...that other chick may have just been a purely physical affair.

 

I used to be the same way until I realized that I need to live for 'today' and not for the past, or else I'd never be able to progress in life. Forgive 100 percent and start fresh or just let it go.

Edited February 6, 2008 by ninjacookies

[selena_cat]

Go with your instincts,

remember, he did it once, left you for someone else, he will do it agan. Take heed of this, you dont need to go for sloppy seconds, sorry of its blunt,but its true. Obviously her print must be all over him.

be honest with yourelf, and with him. he messed up,he needs to make his bed since he already lie on it.