Fearners Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I feel like my world has ended. The girl who I've had the best year of my life with and who I fell madly in love with has told me she doesn't feel the same anymore as she did earlier on. I don't understand where it went wrong, but I did notice she had started acting different, not texting back or not making an effort to see me. I suggested we met up (tonight) and had a serious talk. I went with the intention of ending it because either way I wasn't happy because I knew it wasn't the same as it was. We ended it on good terms but I told her that I didn't know whether we could stay friends for now because I need to get over her. My problem is I'm still madly in love with her, and would take her back in the first opportunity I got. My head is telling me to move on but everything else doesn't want to. I feel sick and feel like there's no one else on earth that I will ever love as much as her. It's the worst day of my life.
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I'm sorry to hear it. First loves are a bitch to get over. But you will get over it. You'll love someone else more deeply. Yes, you will. One really positive thing is that you were prepared to walk away too, because you were not getting what you wanted and needed. That shows a tremendous amount of strength and self knowledge. Absolutely, it is too soon to be friends for you. Try to talk to her as little as possible. Everyone on LS advises no contact; that's not best for everyone and it's ok if you occassionally chat with her, just don't put yourself in situations that will feed you false hope or be too difficult for you. It will take time and space to get over her. This is a great time for you. Hit the gym. Join a coed basketball team. Take sailing lessons. After a breakup, a great idea is to find 2-3 new passions, new things and new skills where you can also meet new people. So look into your local Y for a basketball or soccer league, take photography, whatever you've always wanted to do. Spend a few months doing those things while you grieve your breakup and meet new people, not to date, but to enrich your life. You will move on from this a better person and attract a deeper love.
Belkin Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 (edited) I know how that feels too Fearners... I had exactly that same talk two weeks ago now... You couldn't stand doubting the state of your relationship, so you simply had to ask her for the truth. And now you regret asking so much... Truely, if you can go completely NC, do so! Trust me, seeing her two days after your breakup with another guy, and understanding that is why she seemed so distant at the end of your relation, is absolutely terrible... Ignorance is bliss, you DON'T want to know what she is up too, it will just hurt too much. Even if she has no one else in mind, she is probably taking this breakup much better than you, since she initiated it. So seeing her all happy and joyful while you feel as if your life just stopped won't do you any good. As Oppath suggested, do something to occupy yourself, whatever it is. Sports, music, sculpture, cooking... Do it for yourself, do it to think of something else. I started swimming, picked up my old tennis racket, and took my saxophone down from the top of the shelf. You'll have your ups and downs, that's sure. Don't focus on getting her back, however hard that may be. Find your old self once more, the one she fell in love with, the one OTHERS will fall in love with over time. If you feel as if you need to talk to her absolutely, prepare what you want to say beforehand, have all your questions ready, and do that LAST phone call (or meeting in person if you can.) Tell her you can't be friends just yet, that seeing her is too hard emotionnaly for you, and that you'll contact her again once you're ready for just friendship. Leave the door open in case she wants to give your relation a second chance, but don't focus on that frail hope... That's all I've learned so far from my small personnal experience, hope it will help you... Writing this down is also for my own self, to clearly state what I know and want. BTW, tomorrow I'm starting Jackieboy's elastic band therapy: "put an elastic band on your wrist, if you catch yourself day dreaming about her snap it and forcibly think of something else." You're probably not ready for this yet, but try it in a few days when you are willing to forget and move on... Good luck, it won't be easy, and you'll have quite a few "worst days of your life" in the next few days, I'm sorry to say, but that so many have passed through this before just proves it can be done! Edited February 6, 2008 by Belkin
Author Fearners Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Its just the worst feeling ever. No contact seems really hard at the minute because there's still so many questions I want answering and so many things I want to tell her. I don't understand how after a year of both being madly in love with each other how she doesn't feel the same anymore when I feel exactly the same. At the time we broke up she cried too and was clearly upset. Why would she do this? It almost angered me because I couldn't understand why she was upset when it was her that was ending the relationship. I feel like I've lost something that I'll constantly look back at throughout my life. It may sound stupid but at points in our relationship we'd discussed how we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. And now this. I'm just confused as to where it went wrong I suppose.
Belkin Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Fearners, if you have so many qestions to ask, write them down, and then have a last discussion with that girl in order to get answers. After that, NC until you heal... The longer you wait for that last talk, the more it will hurt. I'm sorry to say this, but right now is the best time to do it, now that you're the farthest down you can imagine being. Either do it real soon, or don't do it at all. And be ready for very painful answers if you want the whole truth...
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