What's the thing you most wish you understood about the opposite sex?

[Always Wrong]

As Always Wrong points out, the thread title asks for questions about the opposite sex AND for answers. I hope I can take a stab at the questions that some men are posing without derailing the thread...

 

 

 

 

 

This is a biggie. Women are often trained both to not speak up when they need something, and to be ultra-attentive to other people's needs. Men are usually not trained in this, and sometimes I think it's hard for women to understand this.

 

A clearly "stewing" woman sometimes throws a man into such a panic that he loses touch with whatever scraps of intuition and sensitivity he normally has.

 

It would be great if men DID intuitively know what we needed, but most of the time they don't, and the WORST thing a man can do is start guessing. Do you remember that excellent milk commercial where he drank the last of the milk, and he thinks she's found out about his prison record or the fake diamond he gave her? NEVER let that happen!

 

I think the best approach if you notice something's not right with her is to take a deep breath, relax as much as possible, and then pretend to be her best girlfriend. Try saying something like - "What's going on sweetie? You look like you're having a tough time." Try to avoid saying "you look upset" or "you look like you're about to go psycho" or "what is it with you!? - are you on the rag or something?"

 

If she sighs, looks away and says "It's nothing", that means it's something, but she can't quite articulate it right now.

 

In that case your best move is to put your arm around her (if she'll let you), and say very gently "Well I'm always here. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know."

 

Then just stay nearby. If she's not permanently psycho she'll probably eventually fill you in, or at least give you a clue.

 

 

I've been looking for you too!

 

I don't think it's a "need" - I think it's a side-effect of the "female multi-tasking" vs "male one-track focus" survival mechanisms.

 

Not understanding those mechanisms in the opposite sex can keep us from communicating with each other. Unfortunately, that level of communication between the sexes is not necessary for procreation to occur, so the ability to understand each other deeply has not been selected for.

 

The deal is that women's selected-for multi-tasking abilities make it WAY easier for them to pick up subtle clues and hints and create an accurate "big picture" that can seem like mind-reading to a man. Men often suck at this. Men are way better at grunting and pointing when they want something. Women often suck at this. It's no one's fault.

 

People tend to think that other people are like them. Therefore if I (as a female) have pretty good mind-reading skills, I expect that you do too. If you aren't reading my mind, I might think you just don't care enough to bother.

 

You, as a man, are probably fairly good at direct communication, and you might therefore expect me to be the same way. If I'm not being clear and direct about my desires, you might think I'm purposely trying to drive you insane.

 

The more we both try not to take it personally, the better we'll get along.

I absoultely must frame this and hang it on the wall. CalamitousJane, that was absolutely beautiful.

[ANGUISHEDandBROKEN]

Thanks for the effort, Calamitous, but I still feel a little confused. I'll ask the question in a different way.

 

Ok so I'm like this total "Caveman Theorist" -- all our behaviors somehow derive from surviving all these millions of years. Example. Men are better at one-track focusing while women are better at multitasking. This is because while Cavemen were out hunting with their rock spear, they had to focus ALL their attention on the boar in front of them or they weren't coming home. The Cavewomen, who'd have to cook the meat, pick the berries, and do everything else while at home, had to be better multitaskers or the Caveman's effort would go to waste.

 

Thustly, in a Cave-relationship, the most focused man and the most multitasking woman have the best chance of survival.

 

Now -- what does the woman's need to have her "mind read" derive from? What advantage does it give her and her mate for survival?

 

 

This is absolutely correct.... Throughout evolution this is how it worked.

 

The thing is, women now are more independent and bread winners...

So now they feel we must do the multi-tasking that they have been programed to do throught the ages.....remember ladies, for you this is just one more task.... we on the other hand are simple minded animals, its going to be a long ride until we can meet your needs in "that way".

 

We are simple... like it has been said....

 

Now, can you make it one of your tasks to understand us and accept us for what we are and take it that we cant read minds like you do....so please comunicate....

[Woggle]

Why is it that women can't seem to see the big picture? With my ex I do admit that maybe I was too caught in working my ass off to build us a better life and get us aout of poverty but she took that as neglect because I wasn't home as much as I could have been. According to her that is why she cheated but if she would have been more supportive we could have had a great thing.

[Pyro]

Why is it that women can't seem to see the big picture? With my ex I do admit that maybe I was too caught in working my ass off to build us a better life and get us aout of poverty but she took that as neglect because I wasn't home as much as I could have been. According to her that is why she cheated but if she would have been more supportive we could have had a great thing.

 

Here you are b*tching about your ex, but you have to start the post off with referring to all women.

[blackbird]

My ex-husband and still best friend and I have something we've done for years: when we're down, we say, "Tell me one thing you love about me." What's great is when someone tells you one thing they love about you without you having to ask. Tell her one thing you love about her, and tell her when she's not expecting it. This goes a looooooooooong way!

 

This can backfire! A friend of mine once told me about how, as a playful game, she would say to her then-boyfriend, "Tell me something nice", and he would come up with something to say about her. I tried this out on my fiance, and he got irritated and said he doesn't give compliments on command.

 

Telling someone how they are appreciated, without being expected to say it, does go a long way for many. Others (like my fiance) tend to think of compliments/vocalized sentiments of appreciation as unnecessary ego-stroking, and don't get much out of it. My fiance actually gets irritated if I'm too complimentary to him. So I try not to expect that, but to look for the other ways in which he does express his love -- which are many, but sometimes difficult for me to understand that that's what they are. So to relate this back to the OP topic, I wish I understood better how men believe they express love and appreciation.

[Phateless]

Why they're most attracted when i'm the least inspired by them.

[Always Wrong]

I wish I understood why some aren't able to get a firm grip on the fact that we are different, and don't seem to be interested enough in our differences to discuss them without becoming judgmental.

I wish I understood myself as well as I wish to understand others. AW

[ZenSilk]

I'd like to know why so many times, when something happens, women will interpret it in a way and men will think something completely different about it.

[annieo]

I want to know why a woman can force a 9 lb object out of her vagina but is afraid to squish a bug.

 

Haven't read the second page yet, had to comment.

With the 9 lb. object, we don't have any other options... it's the vagina, or a scalpel. Take your pick.

With the bug, if there's a guy around...well, you know.

And if there's no guy, I quite happily squash the mf, thinking if my ex h.

[annieo]

The problem is you (along with most women) can't understand us because our brains are wired differently.

 

Here's some insight into what we're thinking:

 

1) We think about sex constantly. Everytime we see an attractive woman, we envision her naked & think what sex (or some sexual position or act) would be like with her. All guys think about it, nice ones, jerks, etc.

/QUOTE]

 

OK, I do that too, so I don't think that it's a male thing. Although maybe not constantly, but there are days at a stretch where every man I see, I evaluate for bed-worthy potential. Today, as I walked about, doing my errands, I kept asking myself the question, "Would I f**k him or not?" assuming I was single (which I'm not) And the answer was at least 50% yes. The young, the old, the slim, he bigger, the in-between. If he was a he and not repulsive or smelly. Love those few days of ovulation but I must admit they scare me.

I want to know why men (or mine, anyway) are proud of their farts. It's like an elephant trumpeting thing.