sedgwick Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Sorry I'm posting so much lately, but it's helping me not to think about him. So thanks for reading. I've said to several male friends of mine that I will never understand men, and all of them (even the gay ones) said, "Men are easy to understand. Women are impossible." So here's what I wish I understood about men. I wish I understood what they're thinking when they're being quiet, as they usually are. Why is it so hard for them to talk about how they feel? Why are feelings so terrifying? Why is love so terrifying? Why the inclination to run when things get serious? (Yes, I know women do this too sometimes, but men seem to do it overwhelmingly, to the point that finding one who's NOT afraid of commitment seems like a needle in a haystack.) Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 1. When you ask me what I'm thinking and I say "nothing," that's what I mean. 2. Feelings are not terrifying. The woman holding the frying pan is terrifying. 3. Love is not terrifying. Giving up the blow up couch and going to IKEA is terrifying. 4. Men do not overwhelmingly run from commitment. We run from future alimony payments. Seriously though, if I found the right girl at the right time... ;;;.....ummm .... the right girl at the right ... time ..... ... hell, maybe you're right, Sed Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Giving up the blow up couch and going to IKEA is terrifying. ha ha ha! i too am terrified of ikea! i think that crosses gender boundaries!! Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I'm sad to hear you aren't feeling well sedgwick. I suppose men just aren't as emotionally engaged as women. In the earlier days before so many failed relationships, I was one of those guys you are talking about. But since I am on a Quest for understanding now, better late than never, I suppose I'm going to wear my next girlfriend out. Instead of, "why won't you talk to me?" she'll probably be saying, "don't you ever shut up?" Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Always, you're definitely WRONG on this one. I'm emotionally engaged and I'm kind of put back you'd sell out your gender like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Sorry... didn't mean to dis you. I should have phrased it in the possesive... only about myself. Sorry man! Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 My answer to the original question: I'd like to understand (and actually experience) what it feels like to have a testosterone-charged libido. I know what it feels like to have my own estrogen-charged libido...and it can definitely be a force to be reckoned with. But I wonder how it actually compares to a man's (normal) libido? I'd really like to experience it so I would know what that's all about. Just the way my crazy brain works.... Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 It's really not all that cool. The only difference is that you might end up getting into a bar fight. Link to post Share on other sites
bustertypsy Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Men don't talk as much as women.....fact.So when women think a man's silence is an indication of unhappiness or their unwillingness to communicate,they need to realise and accept that it is part of what we are.We are different physically and mentally,but we do care and experience love and emotions the same,in my view.We just express ourselves differently. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I want to know why a woman can force a 9 lb object out of her vagina but is afraid to squish a bug. Link to post Share on other sites
so_sad Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I would like to know what men really want out of relationships (if it's even possible to generalize about such a thing). I know that my ex told me that he wanted a strong, smart woman who wasn't afraid to voice her opinions, with whom he could start a family and settle down. And when he broke up with me, it was basically because I was too strong, too independent, too demanding, etc...and because he wanted to go out more without me and not feel guilty. Contradiction, much? Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 But really, all jokes aside... Sex, food, and a trophy. Oh, don't even!!! You benefit too. You give us sex means you GET sex. And that's GOOOOD. You cook food, you eat too. And if you're a trophy wife, that means you EXERCISE. Health! Long life! MORAL: Men have developed these simple carnate desires for the good of WOMEN!! Link to post Share on other sites
so_sad Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 But really, all jokes aside... Sex, food, and a trophy. Oh, don't even!!! You benefit too. You give us sex means you GET sex. And that's GOOOOD. You cook food, you eat too. And if you're a trophy wife, that means you EXERCISE. Health! Long life! MORAL: Men have developed these simple carnate desires for the good of WOMEN!! Very funny. Well, in my case, I never (um, ever!) withheld sex. I didn't cook, but I love to eat and try new restaurants, so that covers food. As for a trophy, I have to say that throughout the course of our relationship, people commeted that my ex had "done well" by snagging me. I am more advanced professionally, better educated...and cuter. And he still dumped me! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Men are simple, and they're to the point. Short, sweet and simple. If they say it, they mean it. Don't go reading between the lines and guess what "he" meant by X, Y or Z. If a guy is pissed off at you, you'll know! If he's in a pissed off mood and quiet, leave him be. Nothing is wrong between you and him. Many men just aren't into sharing their most inner thoughts. Their brains are different than us gals so therefore some things are processed a different way, hense women's confusion, not understanding. Some guys have no trouble opening up, talking but most tend it deal with it on their own and IF (that's a big if) they want help, they'll ask. What I'd love to experience though is, the after sex "need to go to sleep now" feeling. I love watching my hubby afterwards, he always tells me "I have to sleep for afew minutes." Just once I'd like to experience that feeling.. Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 We CAN'T share our inner thoughts with you chicks. If we did, you wouldn't go out with us in the first place and we wouldn't be in the coping section. We'd be in the "friends" section wondering why we can't get a freakin date. Just own up -- you gals want to be the babies in the relationship and have a rock solid man to lean on -- and rock solid means no weakness. Except a weakness to you and your puppy dog eyes. If we show any other type of weakness, or "innermost thought," it turns you the hell off and we don't get any sex. I'd rather tell you about the bar fight so you'll run me a warm bath and fix me some soup. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 The problem is you (along with most women) can't understand us because our brains are wired differently. Here's some insight into what we're thinking: 1) We think about sex constantly. Everytime we see an attractive woman, we envision her naked & think what sex (or some sexual position or act) would be like with her. All guys think about it, nice ones, jerks, etc. 2) If we're quiet, that means we are content. We're not thinking about anything important (maybe food, sex, or sports) 3) Like another poster said, we like to get to the point. We mean what we say & there is no innuendo or insinuations. 4) We're more "big picture". We don't think about little details. We don't remember every little thing you've ever done and rehash things that were said or done 10-15 yrs. ago. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast this morning. 5) Our feelings are easy, they consist of hungry, horny, sleepy, or content (which means we've just eaten, just had sex, or just woken up). I consider these male qualities. Not all males have them, but I think the majority do. Now maybe we can have a thread so we can understand how you ladies think. Your brains are much more complicated. What I'd love to experience though is, the after sex "need to go to sleep now" feeling. I love watching my hubby afterwards, he always tells me "I have to sleep for afew minutes." Just once I'd like to experience that feeling.. That is definetly true, & let me tell you it's a great feeling. If the sex is really good & I've had a really powerful orgasm I'm just physically exhuasted and very tired after. Guess I'm drained (figuratively & literally, lol). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hey people...it would be cool to have this discussion and not get incendiary. What I think would help is if men spoke for men and women spoke for women! Then you're telling how you feel rather than assuming how the other gender feels. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 What I want in a man is manliness. Someone who can stay strong, steady and calm, even if I'm having a small meltdown. Someone who is devoted and protective and strong, inside and out. Someone who is wise and kind, and doesn't mind helping me pick up the bugs on a piece of paper and releasing them outside even though it's freezing and raining, and even though squashing them is much easier. Can't say I speak for all womankind, but that would work for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 What I want in a man is manliness. Someone who can stay strong, steady and calm, even if I'm having a small meltdown. Someone who is devoted and protective and strong, inside and out. Someone who is wise and kind, and doesn't mind helping me pick up the bugs on a piece of paper and releasing them outside even though it's freezing and raining, and even though squashing them is much easier. Can't say I speak for all womankind, but that would work for me! Where have you been. I've been looking for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 When I want to say something heavy, I'll sit in silence and marinate for a few before I speak. The reason I'm not saying anything is because I haven't finished thinking it yet. If you quit bugging us about what we're thinking and let us finish thinking it, you might actually find out what it was! Feelings are scary because men are supposed to be strong and stable for you, while you do your emotional thing. As soon as we show vulnerability, you perceive us as weak and lose attraction for us. You can tell me that's not true, but you know in your heart of hearts that it is. I've been burned before and while we may rush into bed, we are very reserved with our vulnerabilities. Gosh! I think your wrong here at least IMOP~ I think a man that show's when he is vulnerable is very attractive..show's he has the ablity to feel and express those thought's to his SO. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted February 6, 2008 Senior Moderators Share Posted February 6, 2008 You know, this could be a GREAT thread if people would speak to the topic and not get off on side conversations about this or that. PLEASE, read the first post in the thread and talk about the topic. In this case, state something you wish you understood about the opposite sex. The only other related post would be someone who can explain other's curiosities. Even a lot of the posts I did not delete above have little relevancy to the original topic but I give up! Do not respond to off topic posts, report them. It is very disrespectful to take somebody's thread, especially one with a topic like this that could make a very good thread, and just post away about irrelevant trivia. Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 What am I like??? I'm like a chameleon. I am not "moody" but my moods fluctuate much more than that of a mans' Some of it is dependant on hormones, some just by life in general...but I sometimes wish I were a little more "steady" when it comes to that. Guys...if you ask a woman what's wrong and you get a 'nothing" ...something is defienetely wrong. Whether women admit it or not..we want you to know what we need without having to ask. We want you to remember the little things about us ...because it makes us feel special. We DON'T always think bigger muscles are better... You don't always have to be macho....not with US you don't. We like it when you're macho with everyone else...BUT us. Only we like to see the 'softer side" of you... And no...we DON'T think it's cute when you belch, fart or whatever disgusting noise you think we "love you for. ..and we probably never will... Link to post Share on other sites
BrianG Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 how are men supposed to know what a women wants without asking. Never understood that. Not being sarcastic but men are not mind readers. how are we suppossed to know what a women is thinking at a particular moment without asking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Okay, so about the sex thing... I've always heard it said that men think about sex and want sex constantly. However, I have NEVER -- in 20 years of being sexually active -- EVER met a man who wanted sex as often as I do. It's a dream of mine to find a man who shares my libido, but I honestly don't think he exists. I've had boyfriends who told me regularly that I was sexy and they loved having sex with me, but none of them have ever been able to keep up. Now, granted, the most recent ex was starving and sleep-deprived, but he used to say to me, "I just don't have your libido. My libido's just not as strong as yours." Usually I just had to start kissing him and he'd get into it, but seriously, if I ever met a guy who wanted sex as much as I do, I'd marry him. Right there. On the spot. (of course he'd probably run screaming from commitment, with my luck.) And I don't even want it that often. Once a day would be just fine with me! Is that so much to ask? Oh, and I LOVE when guys show vulnerability! It makes me think they're human! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 When men are quiet they qare probably thinking about what they will have for lunch the next day. It is not a sign that we are closed off or shut down. Men are not afraid of feelings but too often a man bares his soul to a woman only to have her use it as a weapon against him later on. A woman has to be really trustworthy to get me to open up and even then there is a part of me that is only mine. Men are not afraid of love but we are afraid of divorce and getting our hearts broken. We see how women act in relationships these days and it makes us very afraid to take that leap. I can speak for all men but for me it is a lack of trust for women with a few exceptions that makes me closed off when dealing with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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