BrianG Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Its been almost 4 months since she has moved out and I have been consumed and flooded with feelings of love and sadness for my ex every single day since. We were together 5 years and only lasted 6 months of living together before she left. I have been wondering why I have all these feelings for her that did not show in my actions towards her while we were together. Why is always too little too late for me? Why didn't I treat her the way she deserved? Why did I lie to the woman I truly love.? I know Im still grieving but I know I will never be content with the situation ever enough to be friends with her and that really hurts. Why am I still beating myself up for this? Why am i so sad and depressed that she will never be a part of my life anymore ever, and why does this not affect her as much as it has affected me. Am I not special enough, was our love together not worth fighting for anymore. My life has completely fallen apart since the break-up and my self-esteem and self-confidance are completely shot. I dont believe I will find anyone better than her. I have dated a lot of women to know when a special one comes into your life and I screwed it up. She was a caring, loving, very physically attractive female that loved me and I was an immature jack*ss who took her for granted. Why didn't I see the signs of the relationship dwindling and do something about it? She told me some things before the end and I was stubborn or ignored them and did nothing about it. In one of last communcations she said that we both lost something, but I feel like I lost so much more. I try to keep my mind off of her, which is ridicously hard, but when i do I cry every single time and its been 4 months now. I wanted her to be the last girl i ever kiss or be intimate with and now I am a shell of my former self and my future uncertain. Just been having a bad weekend and still have so many questions, feelings and love swirling around my heart and my mind. I feel like I am losing whats left of my mind. I just want the pain to go away, but i know it will dwindle with time, but in some way, shape or form will always be there. I just needed to get this off my chest, because I am sitting alone in our apartment talking to myself and crying. This whole experience has broken my heart wide open. Just wondering if I will ever be content with losing her.
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 It looks like you know you had some growing up to do. I do too, my friend. My last relationship was broken off for the same reason, only I did the breaking, because I knew I had some shortcomings to work on. That doesn't make it any easier, because no matter who did the dumping, a good woman is a good woman. Mine was far from perfect, but I think I'll wonder for a while, especially if I end up dating a bunch of loser women after her. You'll probably need to hear this 100,000,002,239,234 more times before it will sink in, but this will pass, and you have to get up and work on you so it doesn't happen again. God/Fortune/Karma is not so cruel as to just send us one Mrs. Right. As it was stated in "Buying the Cow," if that was the case, if ONE person throughout history screwed up their chance, then we're all screwed! Bottom line is you get another chance. How you meet that opportunity will determine the future of your love life.
Recommended Posts