dutchie Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I am so confused and I don't know what to do. I have been with my bf for 4 1/2 years. We don't live together. This has been a sore point for us, well, really only for me, but I have since let it go. He spends a lot of time at my apartment, maybe 4-5 days a week. I rarely go to his house because I live in the city and have no car, and he lives in the burbs. So, I just started back one semester ago at university to finish my BA which I started like 10 years ago! Anyways, all of that is going well, I love being a student, even though I am a bit older than my peers, because I feel now I am more focused and driven. But it seems like since I have been so busy with school and work, I just have no interest in my bf. I love him, of course. But I don't feel that same spark I used to. I don't want to have sex very often. I feel like there is no romance. We never go out together. I go out with friends by myself. He never wants to join me. He is always horny but I just don't feel like it. What gives? What happened? What can I do to make it more fun/exciting again? Is it doomed? Is it normal for a relationship to become painfully boring? Please help me. I don't want to break up with him! I don't know what to do......
spookie Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 The not living together thing jumped out at me. Do you feel like maybe you aren't on different pages anymore? Like you want the relationship progress to greater commitment, a greater interaction in each other's lives, and he is ok with the status quo, which in turn is making you resent him? I think it's easy for people to drift apart when there aren't any relationship goals that are being met. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you want to get married, have kids, etc.? Where does he stand on these topics?
Author dutchie Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 Yeah, spookie, I think you are right. I do resent him. The funny thing is, I have been all for it until now. I do want to marry and have a family. So does he. I guess I have just been waiting for Peter Pan to grow up and now.......he wants to spend ALL of his time here with me, but not actually move in. It kinda p*sses me off. I just don't know if him moving in is going to fix this, though. A lot of times he is here and annoying me. I just want to walk around with a mud mask on and watch crappy reality tv with my heineken sometimes!!! And if I ask him to leave so I can do that, he gets all upset. Arrgh! I feel like I have done a complete turn around. We are somewhat on the same page. I am back in school, he is studying for his real estate license...so we are both trying to achieve something that will allow us to become more financially stable so we can have a family. I just have no idea how to make the resentment go away and put some sparks back in it. uggh. We had a long talk this weekend about these longstanding resentments I have. He knows that most of it is his own doing. He has held me at arms length for a majority of our relationship and I am just through. I feel spent.
Author dutchie Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Ok, I know my post has no sexy theme. And I admit that I am not a super established poster on this board with hundreds/thousands of posts. Heck, I am pretty sure my thread is just plain boring. But I need help. Please, what am I supposed to do to help my relationship from being boring and sad? I may sound ungrateful to some(because he is a really good guy who loves me and that should be enough:o) but I am really confused and my friends offer no help. Is there any way to put the spark/fire/sparkle back into it? I want to save this before I ruin it. I don't want to break up but is that what we are supposed to do? Can we take a break? Is that done? Is sexy lingerie going to help this situation? I don't know how, because I don't even feel like putting it on... I just don't know, because the last long term relationship I was in HE dumped ME and I was wrecked before I even could think that maybe it was boring. Anyways. I just have no clue. Any tips/feedback/anything would be greatly appreciated! Thank you
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