abeliever Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I started my divorce over 10 months ago. He has still yet to answer to my requests which are very fair. He says he will draw it out as long as he can! Why does married couples do this? It causes hurt feelings which turn into nasty fights which cause bad divorces. When really all we have to do is sit down and work it out. We went into this marriage together but yet one always wants to fight to get out. Why??????? My divorce will hopefully be done by Friday of this week, with a lot of luck. He will not respond which is causing more problems. He still wants to remain married! Can you believe that!???? I don't get it, he cheats multiple times the last OW is pregnant and oh yeah he wants his wife to stay? Last night he said he didn't sleep around until I filed for a divorce (which is completely false) upon me losing it and yelling are you freakin kidding me!!! He kept saying it over and over then I realized he believes this. Then when I jogged his memory he said Oh my I did do that! WTF??!!!! Cheaters man, they live in another world from the rest of us! Anyway, Keep me in mind, it is really difficult but I am determined to get thru it. abeliever
cj1988 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 So, I was going to ask how have you been doing, but you just told me ! So, you are FINALLY getting out? I am sorry I know what you have been going through ! I am glad to see you are still STRONG and fistey!
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Well the reason he doesnt want the divorce is beacause he's gonna lose his doormat and punching bag, but if he did all these things with other women and got the lat one pregnant? What the F did he expect would happen? You would just sit back and say it's cool. OW preggers' I'm cool we can still be married and you get more women on the side. Get the divorce done. It's about time he had the consequences of his actions fully dropped on him. and when the DV is final go NC with him.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Why can't two people who are divorcing get along? Look at it this way - you couldn't get along when you were married and, at least theoritically, had more motivation to try. There isn't much incentive for a bitter or unhappy divorcing spouse to civil or cooperative... Mr. Lucky
Author abeliever Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 I really tried to do "the right thing" offered half of everything etc. But then he keeps rubbing stuff with these women in and tells me I was the cause of our marriage ending. It sends me over the edge. But last week I had it. He said you was stupid for putting up with my crap for 4 years so that is your own fault! That was it, the gloves came off. No more nice ex $hit. I am taking what I can and how much I can! Screw it I will join the ranks of the tortured and mamed ex wives club! So, in a week hopefully this week but highly doubtful (just talked to atty) I will be free at least not married. I am giving him the house with the equity in it so I can move on. The rest will all be mine! He can have it. I am moving on not sparing anytime to mourn or anything! I have mourned. ( the last 4 years) I don't even cry anymore, I think I have cried all my tears away, really!!! But I am moving forward. No more self doubt, no more well maybe it can work. I just want to wake up and know that this marriage is over and I can get on with my life! I cannot save this marriage and now I do not want to. Let this be a warning CHEATERS! When the W has had enough nothing and not even H can stop her!!! Thanks for all the support, I have been really depressed and been on but not posting. It was a decision that I didn't make lightly but now at peace with it. abeliever
eeyore1980 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Last night he said he didn't sleep around until I filed for a divorce (which is completely false) upon me losing it and yelling are you freakin kidding me!!! He kept saying it over and over then I realized he believes this. Then when I jogged his memory he said Oh my I did do that! WTF??!!!! Cheaters man, they live in another world from the rest of us! Anyway, Keep me in mind, it is really difficult but I am determined to get thru it. abeliever I'm assuming this whole debate got started by you asking him something, like maybe why he is putting up such a fight over this. After months, I realize my H is doing the same thing. I was asking him if he slept with skank, and he tries to draw me into a big argument over whether or not he said something he actually said. I even spent a few minutes trying to get the exact circumstances to jog his memory, then had my lightbulb moment. I told him we could agree to disagree at this time if he did or did not say this thing, but my question was if they had sex. He just kept throwing that out there, and I refused to be drawn in. I don't think they believe the crap they say, I think it is just a big smokescreen to avoid taking responsibility.
quankanne Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I've heard the saying that marriage is about love and divorce about revenge. And it seems to be true, because suddenly, there's a sense of entitlement even when one of the parties knows (s)he is at fault because of behavioral problems!
Author abeliever Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 So, does this mean I shouldn't get revenge? I would have happily given him half of everything and walked away! But when H keeps saying things like (I shot my wad on her back - you wouldn't let me do that!) and by the way he never attempted nor asked so how did he know I wouldn't have let him? Remember I am the one denied sex to anytime I asked! He had a problem and wouldn't get help! So he said when he met these young women (24) he had no problem until later on he admitted he had a problem with her too, only she laughed at him. He thought the reason why he couldn't perform was me? Well, it wasn't and if a 24yr old can't arouse your johnson then nothing will! I guessing, I don't have a johnson!! So my H has behavioral problems, sounds like an excuse to me! So I should just be nice anyway? Well, sorry that ship sailed. There is a lot of $$ at stake! I would have split it down the middle, but not now. I am tired of taking the high road and him sittin back in front of our employees and our friends laughing and saying things, telling me about his sexual experiences with these OW. So, I will teach him a lesson he will never forget! It is not revenge to me -I am not mad, but make no mistake I am no doormat either. I just wanted him to see what he needed to do which was walked away with his half and keep his mouth shut! He done enough damage and walking away was the right the thing to do. But instead he keeps running his mouth and hitting below the belt. Now he will be shown what I am about. Trust me when this goes down he will have nothing to say I am sure. And I will take his half that I was willing to give him and keep it for myself. Sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice. I am guessing this will be the start of the fight of my life. But I am prepared and ready for the challange. Life is funny, you do what you know is right then that person keeps shooting theirselves in the foot. Foolish to me. Now slowly people are coming up to me even my Dentist said he heard my H and I are divorcing and he said who's the mother of that baby? I just died. Then another business owner went to a meet and greet party and overheard others talking about the "Jones" (not are name) are divorcing and he got another women pregnant! This is at a place where I go to twice a month for expanding our business. I haven't been back I am way too embarrassed! I know I will have to but only when I am divorced. I am hoping it gets done by the end of this month. We still have more to do and seems like my requests for getting it done in next two weeks is not possible. We have to re-serve him so I will have to wait it out. But honestly I cannot wait!! Thanks for all your replies! abeliever
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 So, does this mean I shouldn't get revenge? I would have happily given him half of everything and walked away! But when H keeps saying things like (I shot my wad on her back - you wouldn't let me do that!) and by the way he never attempted nor asked so how did he know I wouldn't have let him? Remember I am the one denied sex to anytime I asked! He had a problem and wouldn't get help! So he said when he met these young women (24) he had no problem until later on he admitted he had a problem with her too, only she laughed at him. He thought the reason why he couldn't perform was me? Well, it wasn't and if a 24yr old can't arouse your johnson then nothing will! I guessing, I don't have a johnson!! So my H has behavioral problems, sounds like an excuse to me! So I should just be nice anyway? Well, sorry that ship sailed. There is a lot of $$ at stake! I would have split it down the middle, but not now. I am tired of taking the high road and him sittin back in front of our employees and our friends laughing and saying things, telling me about his sexual experiences with these OW. So, I will teach him a lesson he will never forget! It is not revenge to me -I am not mad, but make no mistake I am no doormat either. I just wanted him to see what he needed to do which was walked away with his half and keep his mouth shut! He done enough damage and walking away was the right the thing to do. But instead he keeps running his mouth and hitting below the belt. Now he will be shown what I am about. Trust me when this goes down he will have nothing to say I am sure. And I will take his half that I was willing to give him and keep it for myself. Sometimes it doesn't pay to be nice. I am guessing this will be the start of the fight of my life. But I am prepared and ready for the challange. Life is funny, you do what you know is right then that person keeps shooting theirselves in the foot. Foolish to me. Now slowly people are coming up to me even my Dentist said he heard my H and I are divorcing and he said who's the mother of that baby? I just died. Then another business owner went to a meet and greet party and overheard others talking about the "Jones" (not are name) are divorcing and he got another women pregnant! This is at a place where I go to twice a month for expanding our business. I haven't been back I am way too embarrassed! I know I will have to but only when I am divorced. I am hoping it gets done by the end of this month. We still have more to do and seems like my requests for getting it done in next two weeks is not possible. We have to re-serve him so I will have to wait it out. But honestly I cannot wait!! Thanks for all your replies! abeliever Why are you embarassed he's looking like the jackass in all of this. People are seeing what you are worth and now they hear what's going on. They're gonna judge him by his actions not you. Dont sweat it. People would start to judge you if you openly stayed with him but since you are leaving all the dirt is coming to the light and you can walk with your head high and say. It's not my fault. He's the jackass. Your doing the right thing and you have self respect! That is something to be proud of!
quankanne Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 the best revenge is to hold your head up high and be a lady while he's out wallering in the mud like a pig ... as far as splitting things evenly down the middle, well, it's a good attempt at being the dignified one no matter how crappily he's treated you. That said, if you have enough support to show the judge how you've done your best to take the high road, the court may rule in your favor and give you the best (if not everything), anyway. Though I'll admit it's a long shot. figure out what losses you've incurred remaining a wife in a lost marriage (loss of job/job promotion because he wanted you to be a stay at home mom, etc), build up your case based on that, whether if it's to have the judge rule as fairly as possible or justifying why you deserve what you're seeking, you know? as for the other part of the best revenge, why that's merely living well WITHOUT your ex in your life.
Recommended Posts