Radil Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I tell my x-gf that I cannot be friends with her right now because I need to get over her and she gets mad at me ? Its not that I don't want to be friends with her but talking to her right now isn't helping me heal. I tried to explain that to her and she became super upset. I guess I should be happy about this but it really bothers me.
blind_otter Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Um...the point of NC is that you don't have a conversation explaining your no contact policy. You just do it.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 NC means NC. If she contacts you let it go..... to be friends, you will needs months not hours or days. Even though she wants friendship, if you are incapable of giving that to her, at this time, then don't. Mend your wounds first and then see if friends is an option.
Author Radil Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 I really think she is a great person but I cannot talk to her if I am going to get over her. It is more disappointing she doesn't understand that. Yes I could keep talking to her but I would be unfair to myself. I really don't know how some people do it. It seems to prolong the pain.
ThatBlackCoat Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) My most recent ex was pissed off at me too. If she's mature enough, she'll understand eventually that this was for the best. If not, she's probably not worth being friends with anyway. Either way, this is a time for you to take care of yourself and that won't happen if you're worrying about her. If there's a lot of negative energy between you two(even if there are good intentions and you're both good people), it's best to not stoke that fire. Edited February 5, 2008 by ThatBlackCoat
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Ok, what's a friend? Someone who is there for someone, to listen, give advice, help, laugh, spend time with...etc. Your not able to do that. She's being unfair. NC, but if u were to talk to her, ask her what kind of friend would you be? Not a very good one. She is asking you to do something your not capable of doing. That's like u asking her to be with you again. If she cant do it, then she can't do it. But she can ask you to do something? weird and selfish on her part.
ThatBlackCoat Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) She's probably not seeing the big picture here and doesn't really understand your feelings. If you've already made yourself clear, you've already done your part as a responsible, caring person. If this is the case, you shouldn't expect yourself to make her understand because, in all likelihood, you can't. Edited February 5, 2008 by ThatBlackCoat
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Been there and done that and my attempts at explaining just led to a world of hurt that she imbued upon me. Genuine friendships involve trust, honesty, support, but mostly no anxiety or pain, or hidden motives to get back together or sex. You are incapable of being a genuine friend right now, if ever. Do you want her back? More importantly, you seem to realize that trying to be friends will delay you moving on. Heal first. Friendship later. Lots of men and women do not understand this. With men, I think it's because they sometimes want to keep the girl around as a future sex partner, and men are pretty jealous too, so they don't want the girl moving on to other men. With women, those things can apply too, but they seem to have difficulty separating from the companionship, and basically, they want to maintain it until they meet someone else who they think is better for them. The funny thing is, if you announce your desire for no contact, really, you are trying to reach an understanding so that you have the best chance of being friends later. You don't want her to think you are being cold, you want her to understand, so that maybe 4-6 months down the line, you can be friends. Otherwise, you would just ignore her. If she doesn't understand, do you want her as a friend? At the very least, this should confirm to you (I assume you were dumped or it was mutual) how incompatible you are. If a girl asked that of me, I would understand 100%. The fact that she does not understand means you are not really compatible as friends, as a friend would completely understand your request. Don't let her turn this around on you like you are a bad person. Say "I can't be a genuine friend right now because there is too much emotion. I will seek you out when I feel I can be your friend. It will be a couple months." Then IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE her. Why? Because if you keep repeating your request, there's a good chance she tries to manipulate you in some way and damages you.
Author Radil Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 i agree. Our relationship stopped because she was too busy to put time into our relationship. I finally decided this isn't what I am looking for in my life right now. So she asked if we could just be friends for now. I told her that I couldn't because I needed to heal. She is mad now but I think this will give her time to think about what she lost. I just told her if she does want a relationship with me..then she can call me and I will see if I still feel the same. It is her loss...not mine.
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