I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Can't you upload it somewhere so we can see the full-size version? Or am I being greedy?
Author shadowplay Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Can't you upload it somewhere so we can see the full-size version? Or am I being greedy? I just feel like it's a violation of his privacy to make it any larger...
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I'm going to paste an email he sent me last night. I still can't decide what to do... It's titled "Anguish" Dear Shadowplay, First off, let me start by saying that I both miss and love you. I found our discussion yesterday very painful and have been reevaluating the points you said throughout the day. I still feel that your investigative foray was unfair, and that you shouldn’t have dug through my emails; I have more respect for you than to ferret through your personal correspondences. I took a moment to look back at the email that so upset you, I feel that you must have overlooked the tone and purpose of the message. As I said, the day after was one of regret and guilt. Perhaps you have never been drunk enough to lose control, so you couldn’t understand. 1) “...She hasn't [flown the coop] and things are going nicely. Thus I am in a particularly bad befuddlement about what caused me to text so drunkenly.” 2) “I guess last night was a time of reckless abandon (it actually wasn't that reckless, except for getting a falafel at mamoons at 4 in the morning), and today is a time for regret.” 3) “perhaps someday we could have ourselves a platonic falafel” Point one: I was honestly embarrassed and confused about why I sent the message. Point two: The night was filled with drunken revelry, and as soon as the morning came I regretted it. Point three: I was not trying to hook up with by suggesting a falafel; perhaps you have never been chummy with an ex but I assure you, it happens. Additional point: The title of the email was “Egad! Friends Shouldn’t Let Friends Drink And Text” I am mentioning these statements not to vindicate the action, but to show you that I realized how wrong I was when I came two. I agree that I made a mistake, and that you have a right to be angry; I don’t, however, think that you should equate my message to cheating. There was no conspiracy, we never met up, we didn’t correspond beyond that email. You assumed also that [my ex] had sent me a complete rejection, not true; her response was more coy and elusive, gauging what the situation really was. I’ll paraphrase, “Hey you... Thanks for the, um, sweet text...Did your lady friend fly the coop?” This very email, the one you assumed was high treason was trying to convey that I had gotten drunk and didn’t mean what was contained in that message. Yesterday when you requested that I come upstairs and then inquisitively asked if anything had ‘happened’ that night I instinctively read it as “did you hook up with anyone that night,” and answered ‘no.’ The text message didn’t even register as an ‘anything’. I realize now that it was a ‘something’ but at the time I felt as if I had flubbed up but recovered and swept it under the rug. Anyhow, if you felt that I was lying to you yesterday, I am sorry it was unintentional. I consider kissing, hugging, cuddling, sleeping with, or getting arrested ‘somethings’ but I guess in retrospect I would place that text from the ‘something else’ file into the ‘something’ file. Man, these semantics are making me understand how Larry David gets so much material. Perhaps what I feel more than anything is anguish. Why does one 300 character message have to ruin what we’ve been cultivating for months. I do love you very much, and you are my first love. It really hurts to think that a momentary lapse in judgment could turn everything to dust. I thought what we had was (at least slightly) more durable; I wish that it were. I guess you don’t have to forgive me, and that you probably will not. I hope that things between us work out. For the record, I couldn’t get a copy of the text message. This is a replacement phone and from what I searched for on t-mobile online they don’t archive text messages. If it was absolutely necessary to evaluate whether I am a complete jerk or not I could try emailing [my ex] and see if she could send me a copy of it. Is that your will? If trying to remain friends with my ex makes you uncomfortable, I will sever all my ties with her (facebook, myspace, ect). I’ll delete her contact info if you want me to. Whatever it takes to redeem things between us is worth it to me. My eyelids are finally shutting down (it’s 4am) so I guess I am going to end it here. Aside from this incident I have been 100% faithful, exempting 2 platonic hugs from a lesbian. I love you so much Shadowplay and don’t want to lose you over this. I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to hurt you. ~XXXX P.S. What is your street address? There is something I want to mail you.
StartingOver07 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Wow, Shadow. I don't know your backstory, but your bf sounds like a good guy. Are you considering what he did as cheating?
fray718 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 SP, 1) your bf is cute! and 2) I'm probably the pickiest when it comes to guys but if I were you honestly I'd forgive him, esp since he said he'd sever ties with his ex if you want him to. He seems to really love you.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I'd believe him, Shadow... and, as you know, that's coming from someone who doesn't trust at all right now.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 For the record, I love the way this man writes! Also, I think he makes some fairly decent points, however if he regretted the incident that much the day after, why did he not tell you then? He has a really good point that he did not cheat. He essentially sent a lewd text. The real question is can you forgive and move on, taking his true intent on faith?
allina Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Ok well I like the e-mail, he sounds sincere and not like some sleazy idiot, if you believe him and if you think you maybe over reacted in the previous posts I'm changing my vote to take him back And why is everyone so pushy with seeing his picture?? It IS a violation of his privacy and has zero relevance to this situation
Jilly Bean Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 A few things stand out in this tale. 1 - You snooped. I think if you look hard enough, you will ALWAYS find something. Whether its true, valid or worthy of merit. 2 - Not sure why you felt the need to stir the pot "again". I thought after all the recent drama, you would have enjoyed a nice mellow period with him. 3 - He said you are his first love. That now TOTALLY explains why he tolerates all the mishigoss and drama. Gosh, reminds me of my ex at that age - lol. 4 - He is so completely p-whipped that he offered to sever all ties with her, in order to keep you happy. I imagine you could pretty much control all of his relationships and friendships pretty easily, SP, including getting rid of his BFF if that whole thing rears its ugly head again. At the least, I am reasonably certain you could pretty much get him to do whatever you want, when you want, and tell him who he can, and can't be friends with. But, does that flatter you and make you feel powerful, or is it a turn-off? But MOST stunning to me, is the fact that you have been dating for a few months, and he doesn't even know your home address??? Huh?
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 But MOST stunning to me, is the fact that you have been dating for a few months, and he doesn't even know your home address??? Huh? He comes to my house all the time, but he just doesn't know the street number.
Florida Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I'm confused about something Shadowplay. Did he actually send a sexual text to her? Because in his email apology I saw phrases like "platonic falafel" and now I'm wondering if he even knows what he wrote originally while drunk with no record of it..... His pic is cute, but he is not in my mental database of types of people I have encountered. From his writing I thought he would be more an effeminate retiring type, but he appears to be more of a guys guy. Manly man outdoorsy type. He looks like he was raised by a single parent father though. There isn't a trace of the feminime on his bearings.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Ok well I like the e-mail, he sounds sincere and not like some sleazy idiot, if you believe him and if you think you maybe over reacted in the previous posts I'm changing my vote to take him back I'd agree with this, except I know in a week it'll be something new and you'll be considering ending it again I was kidding about the picture thing, by the way
Jilly Bean Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I am beginning to think that SP and her BF are the same person.
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I'm confused about something Shadowplay. Did he actually send a sexual text to her? Because in his email apology I saw phrases like "platonic falafel" and now I'm wondering if he even knows what he wrote originally while drunk with no record of it..... His pic is cute, but he is not in my mental database of types of people I have encountered. From his writing I thought he would be more an effeminate retiring type, but he appears to be more of a guys guy. Manly man outdoorsy type. He looks like he was raised by a single parent father though. There isn't a trace of the feminime on his bearings. Yes, he did. The platonic falafel comment was in the email he sent to her apologizing for his lewd text the night before. I think he thought I was annoyed about the contents of that email as well, but I wasn't. Well, he's certainly not feminine...but he does have a lot of vulnerabilty. It's just well concealed. Part of what I find intriguing about him is the contrast between his exterior and interior. He wasn't raised by a single parent father, but I guess in a sense he was...because his relationship with his mother has always been strained due to her mental illness. He's chummy with his dad. They lived alone together for several years as a young teen when his parents were separated.
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I am beginning to think that SP and her BF are the same person. What do you mean?
dropdeadlegs Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 shadow, I have followed this whole relationship, too. I've rarely (if ever) posted, but I'm sure I'm up to date. I never know what to say without sounding frustrated, and that would not be helpful to you or your situation. I think you have two choices, and only two choices. 1) Leave the relationship that seems to be causing you so much internal upheaval. Many first loves are very dramatic, but that doesn't mean the drama is healthy. If you leave, discover yourself and figure out why each week, or every few days, you are uncertain about your feelings about your SO (assuming this is an example of your typical coupling) and learn how to tear down the walls that have been erected. You can invest without losing yourself or your values. 2) Open yourself up and ride it out. That definitely leaves you open to pain, but without opposite ends of the spectrum, feelings are pretty meaningless. Without experiencing (understanding) pain, we can never truly experience (appreciate) joy. Love will always require forgiveness to a degree. Forgiveness means actually putting something behind you in order to move forward. Love doesn't have to be so complicated, and it shouldn't hurt very often. It can be somewhat confusing, but shouldn't be SO confusing all the time. Only you know what is the right thing to do for you to do. I don't think it matters what I think or what I would do about what has happened. I do wish you well in coming to your decision.
Jilly Bean Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 What do you mean? Just that the writing style is identical, and you both seem prone to these late night bouts of effusive writing and tortured emotions. It's like either you are the same person, or you both have the exact same way of dealing with life and writing about it. I can't say I've even known a dude who matched my emotional intensity, nor my need to overuse ellipses... So, either it is just you playing two parts here, OR, this guy is most definitely more on your wavelength and connected than I have seen humanly plausible. I find it fascinating, really. No disrespect meant at all, SP.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I can't say I've even known a dude who matched my emotional intensity, nor my need to overuse ellipses... Me either! I think it's awesome.
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Sigh. I wish someone loved me that much.
Florida Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 (edited) Just that the writing style is identical, and you both seem prone to these late night bouts of effusive writing and tortured emotions. It's like either you are the same person, or you both have the exact same way of dealing with life and writing about it. I can't say I've even known a dude who matched my emotional intensity, nor my need to overuse ellipses... So, either it is just you playing two parts here, OR, this guy is most definitely more on your wavelength and connected than I have seen humanly plausible. I find it fascinating, really. No disrespect meant at all, SP. Jilly you are sharper than a surgeon's scalpel. I had a similar thought knocking around, not that they were the same person, but the train of thought was similar. But you really put it into clear form. Accurately scary, in a good way. When I briefly saw his pic, there was a complete disconnect between what I thought he would be like vs his inner thoughts as Shadow had relayed through writing samples. Then another thing occured to add on to what you observed. Perhaps, as a naturally emotionally reserved type that he is, he took cues from Shadow and mirrored back to her. That is actually a really positive sign. That is also the upswing of the emotionally flat types, they tend to feed off the main source and come to reflect the main sources ways, imagine a void that needs to be filled. So Shadow is actually receiving the validation from him in a very profound way, he is becoming HER, so that may be why Shadow and her BF seem like the same person theory. This would also explain why you may not have encountered this Jilly, I am guessing you like strong effusive types who enter the relationship being very verbally expressive, as opposed to emotional flatliners. They are already full, so they don't take influence as much as a result. You may see less mirrorring of your thoughts and emotions from them as a result. In fact, they probably dictate the course of things more, and are not as open to receiving female influence. What do you and Shadow think? Edited February 7, 2008 by Florida
Jilly Bean Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Jilly you are sharper than a surgeon's scalpel. I had a similar thought knocking around, not that they were the same person, but the train of thought was similar. But you really put it into clear form. Accurately scary, in a good way. When I briefly saw his pic, there was a complete disconnect between what I thought he would be like vs his inner thoughts as Shadow had relayed through writing samples. Then another thing occured to add on to what you observed. Perhaps, as a naturally emotionally reserved type that he is, he took cues from Shadow and mirrored back to her. That is actually a really positive sign. That is also the upswing of the emotionally flat types, they tend to feed off the main source and come to reflect the main sources ways, imagine a void that needs to be filled. So Shadow is actually receiving the validation from him in a very profound way, he is becoming HER, so that may be why Shadow and her BF seem like the same person theory. This would also explain why you may not have encountered this Jilly, I am guessing you like strong effusive types who enter the relationship being very verbally expressive, as opposed to emotional flatliners. They are already full, so they don't take influence as much as a result. You may see less mirrorring of your thoughts and emotions from them as a result. In fact, they probably dictate the course of things more, and are not as open to receiving female influence. What do you and Shadow think? I still think SP and the BF are the same person. I mean, they even ENUMERATE points the exact same way? One could use numbers, letters (lower or upper case! lol), dashes, bullets - but no, they use the exact same style. Just my feeling here, but the more I read his email and her writings, they are identical. I dont think he is becoming her, because I think he already IS her. And I date neanderthals, as you already know - lol. Far from being emotionally effusive, they are more good time, sporty Joes, and dont like to deal with the topic of feelings too often nor have to engage in dialogue about the relationship, drama, feelings, etc. Pretty much, typical DUDES. But for sure I predominantly date alpha men, and any influence I have ever had, has been in a small way (like getting them a new haircut, or to be more on time, or sometimes they may steal a phrase of mine - lol), and not enough to change his personality. Woe that I had tried when I was younger - lol. Personally, if I had a guy who changed his personality to mirror mine, I'd end up keeping him in a cage by the bed at night and use him as a human footstool.
Star Gazer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Jilly you are sharper than a surgeon's scalpel. I totally agree! Wish I could PM you... (Florida too!)
Cobra_X30 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I still think SP and the BF are the same person. I mean, they even ENUMERATE points the exact same way? One could use numbers, letters (lower or upper case! lol), dashes, bullets - but no, they use the exact same style. Just my feeling here, but the more I read his email and her writings, they are identical. I dont think he is becoming her, because I think he already IS her. And I date neanderthals, as you already know - lol. Far from being emotionally effusive, they are more good time, sporty Joes, and dont like to deal with the topic of feelings too often nor have to engage in dialogue about the relationship, drama, feelings, etc. Pretty much, typical DUDES. But for sure I predominantly date alpha men, and any influence I have ever had, has been in a small way (like getting them a new haircut, or to be more on time, or sometimes they may steal a phrase of mine - lol), and not enough to change his personality. Woe that I had tried when I was younger - lol. Personally, if I had a guy who changed his personality to mirror mine, I'd end up keeping him in a cage by the bed at night and use him as a human footstool. There is a huge difference in writing style between Shadow and her BF. I'm not really sure what your talking about here! Maybe it's because I have previously read some emails from him that she posted. You need to realize that on some level we all change a bit depending on who we interact with. When I'm with someone who is aggressive, I get much more aggressive, I am more subdued with passive people. Just as our moods change so do other people bring out different aspects of our personality. I think everyone is reacting primarily to the fact that SP's BF writes as though he is typing a college essay. That doesn't make him a girl. He offers to cut contact with this other female because he is willing to show SP her level of importance to him. It's not a control issue so much as a proof of commitment. Honestly, I tend to be like a mirror in relationships. I read and respond better than most. However, if you think that means guys like me can be docile your fooling yourself. Is it possible that you confuse Alpha Male with low education?
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 I can assure you that my bf and I are NOT the same person. LOL.
Author shadowplay Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Hey Guys, I'm at work now, but all I can think of is him. I'm starting to panic about the fact that he hasn't contacted me since he sent that email on Tuesday night (well, technically Wednesday at 4 AM). I sent him a reply the following night around 9:30 basically indicating I will give the relationship another chance because it is very special to me, I love him a great deal, but my trust is shaken and we should keep things platonic for a bit while I recover. I told him that I would leave it up to him whether he severed ties with his ex, but in my opinion it would be better for our relationship if he did (and I see that he immediately deleted her from his facebook/myspace). Haven't heard from him all of yesterday or today so far. Perhaps he was waiting for my response yesterday, but he's had plenty of time to get back to me since last night. He knows how nervous I get when he doesn't communicate, even for a day, and the past few weeks he's been good about staying in touch...so what gives? Doesn't he realize this is a really bad time to not commuicate when my trust is already shaky? I'm really nervous, guys. I don't know what to do. I'm so, so, so tempted to call him up and arrange a get together tonight, but I feel like I shouldn't for my own dignity. I should let him come to me, right? More than anything, I just don't know how to deal with this mounting anxiety. Advice?
Recommended Posts