virtuzoso Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Ok, I will try to keep this brief, but I really do not understand what sort of "thinking" goes into actions like this. And women wonder why they are often misunderstood... I have a friend/coworker who is a little younger than me. We were semi-interested in one another, some really minor intimacy, and lots of possibilities. She chose someone else, we are still friends. Not a problem, it wasnt really an ideal relationship as far as dating would go anyway. So recently, she basically propositioned me for at least a one time physical thing. She tells me her boyfriend is not so hot in the sack and they have had sex only twice. It seems pretty clear she is planning on cheating on him. Either that, or its the most hardcore flirting I have ever seen ( or even heard about). Now what I dont get is why put on the charade for the boyfriend? I know that love and sex are not mutually inclusive, its very possible to have one and not the other. But from the way she speaks ( at least to me) she isnt very happy at all. So here is the million dollar question, which I dont know if I can ever understand, especially since I have never cheated in any of my relationships, never really even considered it. Why not just leave someone you arent satisfied with? what is the point of the act? I am not wanting or expecting her to leave her boyfriend for me, but I am genuinely curious as to what sort of thoughts go through your head if you are in that situation. It just doesnt make sense to me to pretend to be the perfect couple. Be single and be honest or be a couple and be fake? Forgive my sexism, but is this just some weird woman logic I dont get?
jj2007 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Why not just leave someone you arent satisfied with? what is the point of the act?? That is a guestion most cheaters can't answer.Or you get all kinds of justifications and excuses. I haven't been able to figure it out either. It is most definately not just a woman thing cause this woman would never cheat, I would leave. IMO, it is selfishness plain and simple. The cheater wants the best of everything, however they can get it.
LoveLace Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I agree with you OP. Why stay with someone who isn't satisfying you that way? I say, tell her you don't want to be a part of her cheating. Tell her to contact you when she's single again. If you let her have what she's asking for, that's all she'll be to you, she'd be "having her cake and eating it too". If you dont' think it's fair, tell her so. Maye it'll make her re-think some decisions.
TotalChaos Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Here are my thoughts on this. How long has she been with the boyfriend? There must have been some reason why she decided to be with him. He must have filled a part of her that she wasn't getting before. Maybe security? Now that she's with him she has found out that he's not that great in bed, so once again she's looking to fill a void in her relationship. I believe this is the reason why most people cheat in the first place. If something vital is missing from your relationship and someone comes along who "seems like an answer" it is easy to let them in. As for why she won't leave him you would have to ask her. Depending on how long she's been with him and what kind of relationship they have may be the answer in it's self. After all, who wouldn't want to be a part of a relationship that seems "perfect". If she is your friend, then I think you should just ask her about this. I don't recommend sleeping with her while she's in the relationship. That will only cause drama later and if you do get into a relationship with her you better be careful. If she's doing this to him, most likely she will do it to you as well. Sounds to me like she's a bit fickle and not really sure what she wants. Good Luck to you.
saviourself Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 i'm sure there's could be a couple different answers to this question. first one being no, this isn't some type of strange woman logic, men are equally as guilty. seen it happen a couple times; guy cheats on his girl but refuses to get rid of her for some strange reason and continues to put on an act to make everything seem okay for her. both sexes do it. and honestly, its not logic... its actually pretty illogical. but whatever the case it happens; but for why? there is no GOOD reason, only reasons that the cheaters will justify to themselves and others. there's quite a few possibilities. 1. she is attached in some way to him be it mentally, monetarily, emotional or other 2. she doesn't want to break him by rejecting him--some people actually prefer to be the dumpee instead of the dumper 3. if he sucks in bed, isnt providing for her emotionally... then maybe its money? could he be of high status in the community? 4. she could just want to be his friend but isnt sure of how to tell him that and figures by putting on an act, he'll eventually dump her. saving her the trouble of doing it herself 5. attached to his friends or family members and fears if she leaves she won't see or hear from them again... maybe he's got kids that she absolutely adores and doesn't want to hurt the children 6. she's extremely selfish and doesnt give a *****. there's so many possibilities, and the above are only a few i've heard in cases involving cheating eitherway... don't sleep with her. if she wants to cheat so badly... let it rest on someone else's conscious.
Author virtuzoso Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 She's been with the boyfriend for 6 or 7 weeks. I dont think she really likes him, its just a hunch. If I had to guess, I would say she dislikes being labeled as being 'single' and chose someone that would be socially acceptable to her family. She has called him a homebody before, and she is actually quite outgoing, so that leads me to think she has some doubts. I especially found it odd because a few weeks ago she mentioned something about them moving intogether ( I didnt take her seriously about that) and she's also mentioned marriage ( I also didnt get the impression she was serious. Hell, she was probably just saying it to get my attention. She's young ( 20 ), so I understand things change alot when you are that age. I know I did. I posted it mostly because I have never cheated or been cheated on ( to my knowledge) and I was genuinely curious about the why behind it. As far as if I take her up on the offer, I feel that adults make thier own decisions ( even young adults) and so long as I am not actively trying to sabotage anything or interfering, I feel that I have no moral obligation to say no to the offer. I dont believe it would be resting on my conscience.
saviourself Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 (edited) that is one of the things i forgot to post that you brought up. some people just CANT be single and end up forcing themselves into relationships where they ultimately aren't happy. you hit it right on the head with that one. i agree with you on adults making their own decisions... personally, i myself wouldn't get involved with the situation solely due to the unnecessary drama i've seen unfold in these types of situations. but, if you feel it's something that wouldn't weigh on your conscience... hey, you are your own man. Edited February 10, 2008 by saviourself grammatical error
Meaplus3 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Ok, I will try to keep this brief, but I really do not understand what sort of "thinking" goes into actions like this. And women wonder why they are often misunderstood... I have a friend/coworker who is a little younger than me. We were semi-interested in one another, some really minor intimacy, and lots of possibilities. She chose someone else, we are still friends. Not a problem, it wasnt really an ideal relationship as far as dating would go anyway. So recently, she basically propositioned me for at least a one time physical thing. She tells me her boyfriend is not so hot in the sack and they have had sex only twice. It seems pretty clear she is planning on cheating on him. Either that, or its the most hardcore flirting I have ever seen ( or even heard about). Now what I dont get is why put on the charade for the boyfriend? I know that love and sex are not mutually inclusive, its very possible to have one and not the other. But from the way she speaks ( at least to me) she isnt very happy at all. So here is the million dollar question, which I dont know if I can ever understand, especially since I have never cheated in any of my relationships, never really even considered it. Why not just leave someone you arent satisfied with? what is the point of the act? I am not wanting or expecting her to leave her boyfriend for me, but I am genuinely curious as to what sort of thoughts go through your head if you are in that situation. It just doesnt make sense to me to pretend to be the perfect couple. Be single and be honest or be a couple and be fake? Forgive my sexism, but is this just some weird woman logic I dont get? I very much agree with you that is does not make much sense to stay with someone if your not happy! She need's to cut him loose before becoming involved with you..What she is doing to her BF is not right. Perhap's she feel's some sort of obligation toward's him and that's why she's keeping him around. I would make it clear to her that you would be more then interested when she becomes single. Good luck. AP:)
Mr. Lucky Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I I would make it clear to her that you would be more then interested when she becomes single. So that she can cheat on you too ? My friend, stay away. You're getting a free look at what it would be like to be with her. Not only is she unfaithful, but she's got a bad case of "kiss and tell". Wouldn't you be wondering who at work she'd be talking to about you? Mr. Lucky
TotalChaos Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 So that she can cheat on you too ? My friend, stay away. You're getting a free look at what it would be like to be with her. Not only is she unfaithful, but she's got a bad case of "kiss and tell". Wouldn't you be wondering who at work she'd be talking to about you? Mr. Lucky Very Well stated!
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Why not just leave someone you arent satisfied with? Because she IS satisfied with him? Because she is just a cheater looking for extra excitement and lying to you about her real motives? Maybe he cheated on her and she wants her revenge, but can't dump him because she fell for him. I would bet my money on that one.
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