casey001 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 How do guys move on so fast ?? I was with my ex for 2 years and I kno he loved me and I loved him bak so much!! We had our whole future planned out. After a big fight one day he said he no longer loved me and i wasnt a longterm gf. Later that night he went and got himself a new gf and it absolutly ripped my heart out. He hasnt contacted me since and has gotten on with life as tho I never exsisted! How could he feel so little emotion and move on so fast? Im utterly devastated that after two years it took less than a day to replace me. I feel soo worthless and upset. Please help.
CD111 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Casey, I know it's devastating to be broken up with. Let alone have him find another girlfriend in such a short time. Commonly one in relationships, one person fall out of love with the other and doesn't know how to tell the other person because they know it will hurt them. So instead, they person carry on a relationship of convenience. Up until they can no longer take it anymore and finally break the relationship. If this happens it can be pretty easy for the other person to move on. I doubt he currently has the same feeling for his current girlfriend that he may have had for you. He is rebounding. Even though you are upset right now, all this means is that he wasn't the right guy for you. At least you know now and not a few more months down the road. Things will get better.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 How do guys move on so fast ?? I was with my ex for 2 years and I kno he loved me and I loved him bak so much!! We had our whole future planned out. After a big fight one day he said he no longer loved me and i wasnt a longterm gf. Later that night he went and got himself a new gf and it absolutly ripped my heart out. He hasnt contacted me since and has gotten on with life as tho I never exsisted! How could he feel so little emotion and move on so fast? Im utterly devastated that after two years it took less than a day to replace me. I feel soo worthless and upset. Please help. don't feel worthless! when someone breaks up with someone else, it's usually after a time of consideration...not a spur of the moment decision. he moved on easily because he had more time than you to get used to the idea of not being together. even if you thought your life was 'all planned out' he obviously had some issues with your relationship that weren't being discussed with you. he was mulling over the options while still staying in a relationship with you, leading you to believe all was well when it really wasn't. it is possible he had interest in this girl before you broke up, but who knows. the point is, he moved on or knew he would be able to move on before you actually broke up, or he wouldn't have made the final decision to do so. don't take it personally; it doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means you weren't compatible anymore, at least according to him. you're not worthless, and you are better off not being with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Don't use his actions to validate the relationship you had, his feelings or yours. Take care of you and don't think of him. Get a massage and do some yoga to get you mind and body in a better place. You will need to move on, as well.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) I'm sorry but no one simply dumps there gf and supposedly "moves on" that quick with there life in one night! I bet he was seeing that women before hand and when you guys were officially split he could then bring her out in the open and have it some what more socially excepted. I had a bf pull something like this one on me too turned out he had been talking to another girl on the Internet and she was supposedly coming to see him. How convenient she was expected in town a week after he pulled a similar stunt on me! I found out later tho that it all back fired on him cause she vanished after he did it lol. I'm very sorry but its not your loss its his he sounds like a cheater to me your def not worthless! (Hugs) to you hope you feel better soon :0) Edited February 5, 2008 by SpanksTheMonkey
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I'm sorry but no one simply dumps there gf and supposedly "moves on" that quick with there life in one night! i have, so it's not 'no one'. just saying. i have mentally left relationships and not ended them until it was really last minute, couldn't take it anymore, had to get out of it. it was easy for me to meet someone new very quickly, because to me, the relationship had ended long before i physically ended it. not saying it's nice or that the other person isn't entitled to feeling hurt, but sometimes, it's just how it goes.
Saxis Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 i have, so it's not 'no one'. just saying. i have mentally left relationships and not ended them until it was really last minute, couldn't take it anymore, had to get out of it. it was easy for me to meet someone new very quickly, because to me, the relationship had ended long before i physically ended it. not saying it's nice or that the other person isn't entitled to feeling hurt, but sometimes, it's just how it goes. Just going through the actions is not a relationship, so you can't really say you've done this. Takes a pretty weak person to stick around for your own convenience without any regards to the other's suffering. That's exactly what she should be thinking about this guy, too.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) Just going through the actions is not a relationship, so you can't really say you've done this. Takes a pretty weak person to stick around for your own convenience without any regards to the other's suffering. That's exactly what she should be thinking about this guy, too. who said i stuck around for my own convenience?? hardly. my hesitation was usually caused by regard for the other person, because i may have been unsure, paired with the idea of not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings. i've stayed in relationships that were unhealthy and completely inconvenient for me in order to spare the other person's feelings, and/or to try to work it out. the physical break-up took place when i finally put my own feelings absolutely first and couldn't be concerned with the other's anymore because it wasn't fair to either. a decision to break-up takes some thought and shouldn't be made on a whim, and in most cases they aren't. just because someone breaks up with another person doesn't mean they're doing it to ruin someone's life. if you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't be. Just going through the actions is not a relationship, so you can't really say you've done this. this statement shows you missed the point. the person stayed in the relationship ONLY by going through the actions, meaning, yes you're right, to them it wasn't a real relationship anymore (or was real, but struggling) but they stayed with the other person for whatever reason. since they were going through the actions and not the feelings while making the decision, they were able to move on before the other person was made aware of it, which means more time to adjust to the idea of not being with that person anymore. so basically, what i am saying is, it is unlikely he loved her madly up until the very last minute and then ran off with some other girl. you don't (usually) go from love to nothing in less than a few hours. he lost the feelings first, started thinking about a break-up but was unsure, and then everything else ran its course. and yes, i have can say i've done this, because i have. it doesn't matter, really. a dumper is seen as a 'jerk' whether they take time to decide or do it abruptly, so it doesn't make much difference anyhow. the point, sometimes it doesn't work out, even if you try your hardest to make it work. you can't force yourself to be with someone when you don't want to be. (sorry if that's a little convoluted! i tried to explain it the best i could!) Edited February 5, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely
EYECANDY000 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Casey I am sorry that you are heart-broken , i know the feeling. but it doesnt sound like this guy just all of a sudden moved on a found a new g/f the same day. It sounds like this guy hasnt been happy with the relationship and has been unfaithful to you with this new girl. Have you noticed anything changing about the relationship within the past month or so? HAve you been arguing a lot?
Saxis Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 this statement shows you missed the point. the person stayed in the relationship ONLY by going through the actions, meaning, yes you're right, to them it wasn't a real relationship anymore (or was real, but struggling) but they stayed with the other person for whatever reason. since they were going through the actions and not the feelings while making the decision, they were able to move on before the other person was made aware of it, which means more time to adjust to the idea of not being with that person anymore. so basically, what i am saying is, it is unlikely he loved her madly up until the very last minute and then ran off with some other girl. you don't (usually) go from love to nothing in less than a few hours.he lost the feelings first, started thinking about a break-up but was unsure, and then everything else ran its course. and yes, i have can say i've done this, because i have. Right there is exactly the point I was making, and what the OP is struggling with, as far as I can see. That was the basis for my statement about "sticking around for your own convenience". It is only "you're convenience" if you stick with a relationship without feelings for the other person, just so you can take time to decide what you want. It's BS to say that you were protecting their feelings. That other person has no idea anything is even wrong, until you've decided that you're ready move on (or already have). I'm not saying it's bad to second guess a relationship, but at least be honest about it! Selfishness or poor communication is what it should be called. In the OP's situation, my guess is that he did exactly this. He lost feelings, became interested in this other girl, then used the argument as a means to end it so he could be with the other girl. Probably hanging around only for the physical part of the relationship. Even more cold-hearted....
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) It's BS to say that you were protecting their feelings. you can't say that for other people, though, because for me, sometimes (not all the time) it was true. i've ended relationships with people i wished i never had to hurt, but it wouldn't have been fair to keep it going to no end because the romantic part just wasn't there anymore. it doesn't mean all feelings are lost immediately, but enough to make you question the relationship--and even if you tell the other person about your feelings and things are being 'worked on' it doesn't mean it goes back to the way it was. even if you spent a lot of time trying to get there because you wanted it to work instead of end. sometimes, you feel they deserve better, and to be with someone who could give them their all rather than someone who was holding back because you're unsure. when i break up with someone, i am sure of my decision and i do it with no regrets. you can call that selfish, but unless you are or have been in that position, you can't really say it is or isn't. you never know someone's motives or reasons or feelings. i think we can all agree on one thing though--no matter what reason, the OP's boyfriend ended the relationship and moved on, and she should, too, because who wants to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way? Edited February 5, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely
Saxis Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 you can call that selfish, but unless you are or have been in that position, you can't really say it is or isn't. you never know someone's motives or reasons or feelings. I have been in this situation. It's what my STBXW did to me 2 out of the 3 years we were together, although she didn't just move on to someone new. You'll see many people describe her as selfish in my thread. What you were describing is a bit out of context from this situation though. I was only referring to the OP, and the fact that you said you have done this. The problem is, you (general you, not specific) should be disclosing your motives and feelings about the relationship to the other person. It's deceitful and in no way protects them from the pain. There's nothing wrong with admitting your doubts and taking a step back. i think we can all agree on one thing though--no matter what reason, the OP's boyfriend ended the relationship and moved on, and she should, too, because who wants to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way? There's no denying this. Based on the little info we have about her situation, it already sounds like he might try to come crawling back after he finds out the grass isn't greener. Let's hope Casey gains the strength to resist when he comes crawling back.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I have been in this situation. It's what my STBXW did to me 2 out of the 3 years we were together, although she didn't just move on to someone new. You'll see many people describe her as selfish in my thread. i get what you're saying, and i appreciate why you, of course, would see that as selfish regardless. i meant you don't really know what the OTHER person's feelings truly are. naturally, you would feel the way you do, i don't fault you for that one bit, you can't control how you feel, even if the other person's actions aren't meant to be as cruel as they're interpreted. (although, your stbx may have been a cold-hearted beyotch, i haven't seen your threads, so she very well may be! but not all people in that situation are. that's all i meant.) There's no denying this. Based on the little info we have about her situation, it already sounds like he might try to come crawling back after he finds out the grass isn't greener. Let's hope Casey gains the strength to resist when he comes crawling back. agreed! hey, OP, any word? what's new? and how are you handling things?
ladyintights Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 How do guys move on so fast ?? I was with my ex for 2 years and I kno he loved me and I loved him bak so much!! We had our whole future planned out. After a big fight one day he said he no longer loved me and i wasnt a longterm gf. Later that night he went and got himself a new gf and it absolutly ripped my heart out. He hasnt contacted me since and has gotten on with life as tho I never exsisted! How could he feel so little emotion and move on so fast? Im utterly devastated that after two years it took less than a day to replace me. I feel soo worthless and upset. Please help. Uh, he obviously met her WHILE he was in the relationship with you. LOL
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 i have, so it's not 'no one'. just saying. i have mentally left relationships and not ended them until it was really last minute, couldn't take it anymore, had to get out of it. it was easy for me to meet someone new very quickly, because to me, the relationship had ended long before i physically ended it. not saying it's nice or that the other person isn't entitled to feeling hurt, but sometimes, it's just how it goes. I see your point and I see why some one may do that but common its just coincidence this guy found a new gf that night? or even the next day? Most relationships take time to form when was the last time you met some one and in the same night asked them to be your gf?? No sane person dose that unless of course its just to hurt and torment thats always possible. Ether way the 1st poster is better off with out this guy for sure.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I see your point and I see why some one may do that but common its just coincidence this guy found a new gf that night? or even the next day? Most relationships take time to form when was the last time you met some one and in the same night asked them to be your gf?? No sane person dose that unless of course its just to hurt and torment thats always possible. Ether way the 1st poster is better off with out this guy for sure. i see your point, and i agree with most of what you said. but there are cases in which someone is in such a hurry to move on that they make the mistake of rushing into something else immediately after. but yes, he also could have known about this other girl before, and after the break-up he purposely sought her out, who knows?
Author casey001 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Hey everyone!! Thanx so much for all your responses!! Im still a mess and am totally confused over the whole thing!! But thanx anyway for all your replies! I really appreciate the help!
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