tkgirl Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 So... we were together seven weeks... and now I just noticed that today it's been another 7 weeks since it ended... and I'm still not over it! isn't there supposed to be a "formula" for how long it takes to get over someone... like a ratio between the time together and the time since the break up? LOL! it's just bugging me that I thought I'd be over him by now... especially since our "relationship" was so short. So I guess I'm wondering what everyone here has experienced as far as how long it takes to get over someone given the length of the relationship... thanks!
s_n_d Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Well for me, itll be three months on Thursday(since the breakup) and Im still in love with him, let alone got over him. I think its going to take me a good YEAR to get over him and then some. All i have is hope and faith right now and thats whats keeping me going.
niceconfusedgirl Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 hey there:bunny: getting over someone is difficult. but it is different for everyone. and it depends on the relationship. but if you would like to get over them quickly, keep yourself busy. go out with friends. and heck, even try to flirt a little! and dont feel guilty! go for it! im sure you'll be ok soon. and lol, dont try think about that formula thing for too long, you'll just confuse yourself "ugh math"....
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 When I read your thread it reminded me of a previous relationship i had been in. I dated this guy for 2 months. I was head over heals for him. Anyway, it ended, not really sure why, but it took me about a year to get over him! Looking back at it, it had nothing to do with HIM at all. That's why it was so hard. I thought I was sad over him, but it was my issues that kept me from moving on. If your still hung up on someone or still have so much pain after too long, then the pain really isn't about the person. I don't know if that makes sense? Try to find out why it really bothers you. Rejection? Abandonment? What fears did it bring out in you? Once you address those things, you'll be over him in no time and you can feal the real source of the pain and work thru those issues. Maybe he was sent to you to teach you something about yourself. Find it and learn and grow, then you'll see him as a blessing. He may have just prepared you for your next relationship. Hopefully this helps
NiceGirlcomeslast Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I was with my ex for 18 weeks exactly. He broke up with me 10 weeks ago and we stopped sleeping together 3 weeks ago. I don't know how long it will take me to get over him, but sometimes it feels like it will never happen. I don't think formulas work, especially since getting over someone is not a straight road you go back to square one about a million times before you get to your destination. I do think getting out there and having fun helps and sometimes you have to play at being over him and moving on until the feelings are real. What PrisonBreak said completely hits a nerve with me, last night I contacted him, and ended up crying myself to sleep, but I wasn't crying just because I missed him, I was crying because I felt so sad that someone I cared about so much, gave so much of myself to, the first person I ever opened up to would just dump me. I firmly believe that people are sent to you for a reason, even though the thought that my ex was just a stepping stone and not my destiny hurts every cell in my body, sometimes things that seem right are not meant to be, as my mum would say if something is meant for you no one can take it away. And if you go for that sort of thinking then you might as well get over the person if it is meant to be you will be together in the future minus some baggage. My only question is.... once you address your issues how do you work through them, I have avoided rejection my entire life to point where my ex was my first proper boyfriend and I am 23, I know it's a problem but how do I solve it?
Always Wrong Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 So... we were together seven weeks... and now I just noticed that today it's been another 7 weeks since it ended... and I'm still not over it! isn't there supposed to be a "formula" for how long it takes to get over someone... like a ratio between the time together and the time since the break up? LOL! it's just bugging me that I thought I'd be over him by now... especially since our "relationship" was so short. So I guess I'm wondering what everyone here has experienced as far as how long it takes to get over someone given the length of the relationship... thanks! This is a very good topic tkgirl. There seems to be so many variables. I suppose that's why no one formula works for everyone. For those who experience heartache, this is what I believe is happening. This does not apply to those who can remain detached emotionally, those are the ones I call "emotionally bulletproof." I think there is an emotional twinning that occurs. What I am suggesting is, when we meet someone and they come toward us intimately when we are also attracted to them, we feel like we've met someone like us. We do so desperately want to love ourselves, but some of us feel, like me, that the ultimate feeling is obtained when we put our love into someone else and that love is returned. The more we love our partner, and the more our partner makes us feel loved in return, the more we feel validated and sure of what we are doing. When our partner leaves us for whatever reasons, our love is being ripped out of us. We put our love into that person and not ourselves. Then the process of re-loving ourselves begins again. With self doubt in the way now, we don't trust our own judgement, we don't think we can do it. We feel like our partner has ripped us off, stolen something that is tangible and can't be replaced. If we dive into another relationship without regaining love for ourselves, the new relationship becomes clingy, and comprised of the need to love again. That in itself can run the potential new mate off. They view it as baggage. The courts don't award us judgements for broken hearts. Only lost property and possibly time if you can positively assign a dollar value to lost income in relation to that time. When we realize what was taken from us wasn't tangible, and really only time and effort, emotional investment, then we can heal and hopefully love again. But wisely, many of us evaluate a future partner more closely, and screen our emotions until we trust them. More importantly we should be happy with ourselves, alone, without need for anyone else to make us happy, before we enter into a new relationship. People who look happy and are by themselves are soooo attractive! And they know it! It exudes confidence, security, a bright future, all the things we want for ourselves. People lacking that, are attracted to it. If I am off the mark, please don't beat me up. I have been in three long term tragic failures. They were so very complicated because the extreme void that came with the loss of intimacy and love was so very deep. I am happy again, finally. And very on guard. My fire wall is up! Get your fire wall up and keep it up. The healing process varies with the intensity of the relationship and the number of previous issues that hadn't been resolved before entering said relationship. I hope so much for your speedy recovery tkgirl :bunny: Time allows us the opportunity to do what we need to do. If we don't get the hell up, get our routines reestablished, and get out of the house, the healing process takes forever, or until another too soon relationship or reentering the old one distracts us from the healing process, and that isn't healthy. Hugs, AW
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Nice girl, That's a great question, the million dollar question! I know that 99% of the battle is the awareness. So now that you have that awareness you can try to work thru those issues. I don't know what your past was like, so i'll explain mine and hopefully you can fill in the blanks of your life. I'll make it short. My father left when I was 3 yrs old. He only lived a few miles away, but never came to see me. Growing up it wasn't bad, because I didn'nt know any better. Well now as an adult, I have rejection and abandonment issues. It's a father's job to tell his little girl that she is loved, beautiful, a princess, talented, special.... If he is not there instilling those values, she never gets them. So then as an adult, I'd seek out male approval. I needed to hear it from someone. So, when a bf broke up with me and I was beyond crushed, all the past came flooding in. I'm not worthy. It was never really about the guy, it was about my childhood rejection resurfacing. So, now that I have that knowledge, it helps in dealing with the loss of a bf. Yes, I miss him, but he is not my source of self-esteem. Bringing light on that is HUGE. Then you can grieve in the proper areas. Don't waste you energy grieving over the guy (maybe a few weeks) but after that grieve over the childhood issues. Journal, pray and do some serious thinking about what needs to be healed. Healling can only come if you know where the true pain is coming from. I hope this helps. I wish there was something more concrete, but awareness is essential. You'll be able to cope with what life dishes out. God, delt you this guy for a reason. Use it to grow and learn. If you can use this to grow and heal, then I'd welcome the pain and be thankful. You won't see it now, but a year later you will
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I'm getting over one too. Here's the formula I use: (Time spent meeting new ppl * 50) + (Time spent having sex *2000) + (Time spent in the bed * 0) + (Time spent moping thinking about her * 0) = Emotional energy I just saved myself being sad and alone Huzzah!
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