skychic Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I'm a MW. I met this wonderful (or so I thought) MM about 6 months ago. We have spent alot of time chatting on the phone, emailing back & forth, sneaking away and having an all around great time. Our relationship was based on passion and romance, an openess that I don't have in my current relationship. On Saturday night he was at a retirement party, near my home, with out his other half. He called me up after a few hours of drinking and tempted me into coming down to listen to the band. I should have never went! When I got there he proceeded to hit the dance floor with another woman (I'm assuming a co-worker). He played grab ass with her, while making eye contact with me for quite awhile, until I decided I had had enough and left, after finishing off my bottle of wine. As I was leaving I noticed him and his co-workers leaving the establishment. 4 of his buddies crawled into HIS suburban while he jumped in the truck of this other woman. Not being in my right state of mind, I got out of my car, approached his car and asked his friends where "he" was, they said in the truck right next to you. I opened the door to find him in the truck with this other woman. He got out and a little confrontation took place. He called me psychotic (which I honestly was feeling myself), I told him his wife is going to love knowing what he's up to. I got back in my car, drove down the road feeling like a complete fool. My rage set in and before I knew it, I was dialing his wife. I proceeded to tell his wife everything. All the intimate details of our torid affair, even mentioning his kitchen countertops. WTF is wrong with me!!!! I received a phone call from him about 3 hours later, after coming home and hiding DH cell phone (the only way he or she could contact him) thanking me for ruining his life, saying it's been a real pleasure. I haven't heard from him or his wife since. I guess I went into protection mode when I convinced myself he had been or was planning on sleeping with this co-worker from the bar. I feel so horrible for what I've done. I know an apology is out of line, or is it? Do I try to contact him, or leave well enough alone?
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Do not contact him ever again. You told out of spite, not because you felt cheating is wrong. I mean, yes, you did confess your affair with her husband, but still, were you kind of hoping he'd get into trouble and come running to you? Anyway, what's done is done, you need to leave him alone. Oh, you might want to confess to your husband because chances are they're going to tell the your husband about the affair. It's only fair...He's been busted with his spouse... Good luck though...That's a tough spot you're in.
bentnotbroken Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Wow, if he hadn't pissed you off and made you look foolish, you would have never opened your mouth to his wife, because it wuld have been to your benefit. Now why don't you let them inform your bs. Don't you think turnabout is fair play?
child_of_isis Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Prepare for retaliation. Most likely MM's W will contact your H. It's probably time to spill your guts.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 DO NOT CONTACT anyone. Get away for all of this, now.
LadyDi Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Run for the hills. Yikes! What a disaster that's turned out to be. I feel for you, but whats done is done. Don't contact him or her ever again. Just prepare for the fallout......
padder83 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 i feel for you and your situation. i cant blame you for calling his W, this guy sounds like a complete B@$****!! the only thing i can try advise is to accept that for better or worse youve blown eveything open, personally i think this is good. maybe this guy will retaliate, mind you he has to get past his W first & what she will do to him. it sounds like he needs a wake up call anyway and maybe by you doin that it will inadvertantly save their M,....or not. it depends if he can sort himself out or not, but yous are deffo over. from your point of view if he has your home details(phone,add) he may send a letter to ur H, it depends if hes the malicious type or not. eitherway it seams ur not happy in your situation at home, do u want out, do u want to patch things up, maybe have a trip away on ur own or with a close gf and maybe things will look clearer. be honest if u can to ur partner, but i know it aint easy, take care sista. :-)
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 after coming home and hiding DH cell phone (the only way he or she could contact him) if you're divorced, why does it matter if he finds out? you say you're married, but...i'm confused.
Author skychic Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks everyone! I know in my heart I spilled out of spite. I was hurt & angry and was out to get him, not taking the time to think about the reprocutions at home. God, I kick myself because what we had was really good!! Anyway, after receiving his "thanks for ruining my life" message yesterday morning, I replied to it basically telling him off and at the end told him that if he or his wife try to contact me, DH or anyone I know not only will I slap a big fat restraining order on him, I'd contact his base commander (He's Air Force). I don't think in anyway, shape or form that will keep his wife away from me or H, but I tried. Luckily H is out of town for the entire week on business, he thinks on of the kids misplaced his cell phone....so I think I'll keep him believing it for quite sometime. MM does not know where I live, nor does he know my home #, we're unlisted as well. The only way I can think of W or MM contacting him is through his cell since mine and H is one digit off. So, how long will W stew about this and when should I expect the **** to hit the fan???
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I replied to it basically telling him off and at the end told him that if he or his wife try to contact me, DH or anyone I know not only will I slap a big fat restraining order on him, I'd contact his base commander (He's Air Force) This makes no sense. You were the one who called HIS wife and ruined HIS marriage because you got pissed off, jealous/hurt that he was making moves on another OW. You are the one, just like him, cheating on BOTH of your spouses. Consquences...You busted him and now he is going to bust you. He is in the military, I'm sure there are many ways he can find out your home address, let alone your phone number. I'm sure he has connects too... You need to take the bull by the horns NOW and come clean with your husband. You are just as fault as the MM so don't put all this on him. It takes two to tango, two to decide to have an affair together. Sorry to be harsh..
Cobra_X30 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks everyone! I know in my heart I spilled out of spite. I was hurt & angry and was out to get him, not taking the time to think about the reprocutions at home. God, I kick myself because what we had was really good!! Anyway, after receiving his "thanks for ruining my life" message yesterday morning, I replied to it basically telling him off and at the end told him that if he or his wife try to contact me, DH or anyone I know not only will I slap a big fat restraining order on him, I'd contact his base commander (He's Air Force). I don't think in anyway, shape or form that will keep his wife away from me or H, but I tried. Luckily H is out of town for the entire week on business, he thinks on of the kids misplaced his cell phone....so I think I'll keep him believing it for quite sometime. MM does not know where I live, nor does he know my home #, we're unlisted as well. The only way I can think of W or MM contacting him is through his cell since mine and H is one digit off. So, how long will W stew about this and when should I expect the **** to hit the fan??? She will stew for about 2 years, maybe more depending on how her H acts. Sounds like you found yourself a real gem. I feel dirty just reading about this guy... So... chances are if his W is motivated... and it sounds like she will be, it won't be too hard to track you down. It will just take a little time and effort. Does it really even matter if your husband finds out anyway?
LILA BELL Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 ok i feel much better i thought i was acting crazy towards my ex MM W you just topped it you are more of a bitter bitch than me. are you only regreting it because you can no longer get d**k down by him like you wanted ?
bentnotbroken Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks everyone! I know in my heart I spilled out of spite. I was hurt & angry and was out to get him, not taking the time to think about the reprocutions at home. God, I kick myself because what we had was really good!! Anyway, after receiving his "thanks for ruining my life" message yesterday morning, I replied to it basically telling him off and at the end told him that if he or his wife try to contact me, DH or anyone I know not only will I slap a big fat restraining order on him, I'd contact his base commander (He's Air Force). I don't think in anyway, shape or form that will keep his wife away from me or H, but I tried. Luckily H is out of town for the entire week on business, he thinks on of the kids misplaced his cell phone....so I think I'll keep him believing it for quite sometime. MM does not know where I live, nor does he know my home #, we're unlisted as well. The only way I can think of W or MM contacting him is through his cell since mine and H is one digit off. So, how long will W stew about this and when should I expect the **** to hit the fan??? You can't have it both ways. You can't threaten someone to protect your mess. You are unreal. If I were his wife, I would STEW until I felt like I your husband knew, since you are the one who turned up the heat on this situation.
SoxPrincess Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I'd tell your H if I were you because BELIEVE ME there are a million and one ways to find someone who doesn't think they can be found. Does he know what kind of car you drive? It's very easy to look up a car registration on the internet, pay a few bucks and find out the home address & home telephone attached to it. If he knows your first & last name, again go to any people search engine on the net, pay a few bucks and he'll know your address, your Hs name, phone #...you name it. Shoot there are even "backdoor" ways to get into someones cellphone bill on the internet & track things that way. This isn't the dark ages sweetie, there is a TON of information available to anyone with computer access. Make things easier on yourself now & confess to your H before he finds out..and it's my guess that he will.
child_of_isis Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I dunno man....I think it will work. I gotta hand it to you...that was a killer move. Adultery will get you a major slap down in the military. You should have added...even if your H is 'annonomously' contacted, you will go bust MM out to the chain of command. Because I think that will be W's next move. Personally, I don't believe MM will do ****. W is the one you need to look out for. She is hurting. Her M is a mess. Most likely, she wants the same for you. telling him off and at the end told him that if he or his wife try to contact me, DH or anyone I know not only will I slap a big fat restraining order on him, I'd contact his base commander (He's Air Force). I don't think in anyway, shape or form that will keep his wife away from me or H, but I tried.
nellstar Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Oh the drama! COI made a good though, he might not do anything but his W will.
MakeLemonade Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Wow, what a mess - though I actually can understand how a bottle of wine and that kind of disrespect after you were invited somewhere by him would have made you at least WANT to go off the deep end. You have taken quite the true shortcut to ending an affair, no worries about NC issues and the like. I agree the wife is the one you have to worry about she has got to be seething. Although you really did the smackdown on him too. I know you aren't going to do it, but truly the SMART thing to do here is fess up to the hubby in case anything crazy goes down with either of these two, he is prepared and knows the situation and doesn't stand there looking dumbfounded while something criminal is about to happen. Gives him a chance to understand and react. And being honest about the affair would be the only way I could forsee to salvage your marriage, if that is something you want to do. And that would only be if your hubby really loves you, and is the forgiving sort. And if you don't do it again, of course. Save your soul, confession is fantastic for the soul. And it's gonna come out somehow anyway. Might as well be you.
Author skychic Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Oh God! What a day. I have been sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep. So much running through my head. Now that the initial shock, adrenaline rush has worn off, I'm lost. I feel absolutely horrible for what I did. How could I have been such an ugly person? I have spent the day thinking of his W, trying to put myself in her shoes. Although he insisted I was his first A. In retrospect, I'm sure she has caught him before. Hence the reason my phone or H's phone hasn't been ringing off the hook. So many scenario's running through my brain, so many conversations and little things that were said/done I am now disecting. I can't stop crying. Is it wrong of me to feel so totally betrayed and to have so many unanswered questions? Yes, I did take the shortcut to the end, but let me tell you it's not easy. I am going to go through life now thinking "what if". I really doubt what my gut was telling me about the woman at the bar, but "what if" I was wrong. Did I just ruin a really good thing because I was "just jealous"? As far as telling H, it won't make a difference. It won't shock him, nor would it change a thing in my life. He's a great dad to our 3 boys, but a pretty lousey H. He enjoys the fact that I gave up my career to stay at home and that I take care of everything. Oh, except the garbage...his one and only "chore". I've been telling him for the past 2 years that our marraige isn't working for me. I've asked to be open, swing, something to spice it up. So if MM W were to contact him, it really wouldn't be a big deal. My life would go along unchanged. Off to think some more...
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Oh God! What a day. I have been sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep. So much running through my head. Now that the initial shock, adrenaline rush has worn off, I'm lost. I feel absolutely horrible for what I did. How could I have been such an ugly person? I have spent the day thinking of his W, trying to put myself in her shoes. Although he insisted I was his first A. In retrospect, I'm sure she has caught him before. Hence the reason my phone or H's phone hasn't been ringing off the hook. So many scenario's running through my brain, so many conversations and little things that were said/done I am now disecting. I can't stop crying. Is it wrong of me to feel so totally betrayed and to have so many unanswered questions? Yes, I did take the shortcut to the end, but let me tell you it's not easy. I am going to go through life now thinking "what if". I really doubt what my gut was telling me about the woman at the bar, but "what if" I was wrong. Did I just ruin a really good thing because I was "just jealous"? As far as telling H, it won't make a difference. It won't shock him, nor would it change a thing in my life. He's a great dad to our 3 boys, but a pretty lousey H. He enjoys the fact that I gave up my career to stay at home and that I take care of everything. Oh, except the garbage...his one and only "chore". I've been telling him for the past 2 years that our marraige isn't working for me. I've asked to be open, swing, something to spice it up. So if MM W were to contact him, it really wouldn't be a big deal. My life would go along unchanged. Off to think some more... Sounds like alot of resentment skychic, but your in panic mode because it's only a matter of time before OMW contacts your husband then your gonna have to deal with a possible divorce. You think your next husband BF could want to swing with you? lol Such a joke! God what a mother you are.
child_of_isis Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Stop second guessing yourself! The guy is slime. You were not wrong. He had a chance to get a strange new piece and he took advantage of it...right in front of your eyeballs!!!!!!! You were disrespected. Times nine hundred thousand, and you went off. What did MM think you would do...crumble in a heap and cry like a baby? Beg, maybe? If so, he thought wrong, didn't he? MM needs to get out of the kitchen if he can't stand the heat. The guy is a cheat. He cheats on his W and his OW...so no, you didn't mess up a 'good thing'...don't let your mind tell you otherwise. Oh God! What a day. I have been sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep. So much running through my head. Now that the initial shock, adrenaline rush has worn off, I'm lost. I feel absolutely horrible for what I did. How could I have been such an ugly person? I have spent the day thinking of his W, trying to put myself in her shoes. Although he insisted I was his first A. In retrospect, I'm sure she has caught him before. Hence the reason my phone or H's phone hasn't been ringing off the hook. So many scenario's running through my brain, so many conversations and little things that were said/done I am now disecting. I can't stop crying. Is it wrong of me to feel so totally betrayed and to have so many unanswered questions? Yes, I did take the shortcut to the end, but let me tell you it's not easy. I am going to go through life now thinking "what if". I really doubt what my gut was telling me about the woman at the bar, but "what if" I was wrong. Did I just ruin a really good thing because I was "just jealous"?
nellstar Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 As far as telling H, it won't make a difference. It won't shock him, nor would it change a thing in my life. He's a great dad to our 3 boys, but a pretty lousey H. He enjoys the fact that I gave up my career to stay at home and that I take care of everything. Oh, except the garbage...his one and only "chore". I've been telling him for the past 2 years that our marraige isn't working for me. I've asked to be open, swing, something to spice it up. So if MM W were to contact him, it really wouldn't be a big deal. My life would go along unchanged. Off to think some more... If H is so lousy, why aren't you divorcing him or he doesn't want to let you go? IDK... calling a H lousy is kind of bad... I'd drop you if I was your H or I'd drop him if he was my H.
cj1988 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Sorry, if I were his W I would have busted you out by now for sure....you are lucky so far, so why not just go ahead and confess, better to hear from you than them !
Owl Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 As far as telling H, it won't make a difference. Then tell him. If it doesn't matter, then you do nothing but gain a potential buffer in case MM's W calls. Personally, I don't believe that he wouldn't care. In all the years I've been posting and all the stuff I've seen and done, I've never met someone who didn't care that their spouse was cheating on them. Prove me wrong. Tell him.
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I agree with Owl, if you think your husband won't care, then tell him. Better him hearing it from you rather than MM and his wife.
JamesM Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 MM does not know where I live, nor does he know my home #, we're unlisted as well. The only way I can think of W or MM contacting him is through his cell since mine and H is one digit off. So, how long will W stew about this and when should I expect the **** to hit the fan??? Hopefully you are not this naive to believe that he cannot find you. Give me your name, and I will come up with your full name, maiden name, husband's name, your address, your phone number, your age and husband's age, past addresses, and more. That was just what I know I can find for free. Unlisted means nothing in today's world of the internet.
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