Joeus79 Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 There's not a lot of reason to give a detailed background so i'll keep it short.... its the now i need help with..... 1) It was an affair (she was with someone) 2) It lastest over 6 months, it was amazing 3) She dumped me by text 4) we have never spoken since except for texts and emails 5) I went mad, and said alot of things i regret.... she always said it wasn't me saying those things... i really made a fool of myself 6) About 7 weeks ago she told me she is now on her own and thats the way she wants it to be.... and that if i contact her i won't get over it 7). Have improved myself a great deal..... dealt with my problems.... NC etc... 8). Have had to accept a job with her.......... So about three weeks ago i had to go for an interview for a job, and was given it on the spot. It means i'd have to work with her. I didn't tell her that i was going for the job, as a long time before she mentioned it would be very very awkward.... but i need to work. After i got the job, i thought i saw her walk by.... , and then the the next week people were asking around the office if i was going to take the job and then report back to her. I decided to send a very plain email expressing that i was taking the job, and that the past is past, and that i deeply regret some parts of my behavior after we broke up. Said best wishes and then back to NC No response... 2 weeks later... Then i had to go into the office a meet everyone.... i'm staring the job in a couple of weeks..... so i thought.. look good, be confiedent and get it over with...... smile, be strong.... get over my worst fear. As i knew i still feel an attraction between us..... I got on with it, did it.... she looked at me, then looked away..... then just ignored me.... I kept to short and left..... Lots of people in the office know that we used to be in a relationship.... So heres the thing... She has said nothing..... NC, and i have been in NC as well.... but we have to work together...... i have offered my apologies.... and offered an olive branch so that we can both move on..... I still love her....... Why would someone be so cold towards you when you shared so much.... We were talking about being together, living together etc..... both in our late 20's...... Still NC or what do you think.....?????????????????? What is she thinking?????????
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 What's she thinking? Well, only she knows for sure. But, I think, she's keeping a good front. She knows the only way to end it is it keep NC. She's trying to be strong, especially since you work together and people know about the two of you. Are you married? Is she single? What was so amazing about your relationship?
Author Joeus79 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 She was with someone..i was single... no we are both single...... We fell in love, thats what was amazing.....
pisces fish Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 It doesn't sound as if she was in love or she would ask for you back. She wants nothing to do with you. You are really dumb to take a job in her office, you had no business doing that. That is very inappropriate.
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Puhleeze Pices, he's not dumb nor was it inappropriate if he needed the work and he works in that same field. Ill-advised maybe, but it's not inappropriate. I'd say you just have to continue no contact. She'll come around eventually to be civil at work but if you are hoping for more, then that would be dumb and inappropriate. Continue with NC. Simply smile when you see her in the office. She'll eventually warm up to you, though that might not mean anything.
PLAYBRAT Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 It doesn't sound as if she was in love or she would ask for you back. She wants nothing to do with you. You are really dumb to take a job in her office, you had no business doing that. That is very inappropriate. Gotta say I agree 100% with this. I BET your ex does not for ONE second believe you took that job simply because you needed it. I am sure she believes you took it to be within proximity of her. Why, of all the jobs in the world did you need to get a job where SHE works? It's creepy to be honest. I would say you probably blew ANY chance of even a friendship with her by doing this. I hate to say that but as a woman..it's how I would feel if someone did this to me.
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I agree with you Playbrat, unless he really was struggling for the work. But if it was a good job in his field, I don't see the problem. It really depends on the details that are not revealed. How big is the office? Are there other departments? Would you be on different floors? If it's a smaller office, surely there would be other places of employment. But if you really were hard up for work, now's the time to be honest. I'd be creeped out as the woman too, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the work issue. From her perspective, however, I wouldn't believe it.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 OP - I did a similar thing. I really liked the guy (not love) but I had to end it. So, NC for 3-4 months. When I realized that I was over him, I went over to say hi.... it was hard for the gentleman to trust me again, but he did. We are now good friends and go out every once and a while. So, if she did love you, you have a good shot at getting her back. But, it may take time. Just wait it out, as best you can...
BUENG1 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 It doesn't sound as if she was in love or she would ask for you back. She wants nothing to do with you. You are really dumb to take a job in her office, you had no business doing that. That is very inappropriate. Appropriate doesn't pay rent, or put food on the table. Its as simple as that.
pisces fish Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 There are other jobs. What is the position which is so exclusive that you couldn't find avoid applying here? How big is the town or city you live in?
BUENG1 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) There are other jobs. What is the position which is so exclusive that you couldn't find avoid applying here? How big is the town or city you live in? In the real world people don't prioritize their dating life over all else including making a living for themselves. Edited February 5, 2008 by BUENG1
pisces fish Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 In the real world people don't prioritize their dating life over all else including making a living for themselves. OK, you didn't answer my question. A big part of you applied there simply because she works there. And all her officemates know that you had an affair when she was with someone else. It was really awful of you to cause this trouble for her. So apparently this is not the only place in town to find a job in your field. If the dating thing wasn't an issue at all you wouldn't be posting this thread.
BUENG1 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) OK, you didn't answer my question. A big part of you applied there simply because she works there. And all her officemates know that you had an affair when she was with someone else. It was really awful of you to cause this trouble for her. So apparently this is not the only place in town to find a job in your field. If the dating thing wasn't an issue at all you wouldn't be posting this thread. I don't know what your talking about. I'm not the original poster of this thread, I don't have this issue. And she made the choice to have an affair so she can deal with the consequences, its not his responsibility to clean up her mess, and make her life easier. He has a living to make as does she. If she can't handle it, its her problem. Edited February 5, 2008 by BUENG1
CaliGuy Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 What is she thinking????????? Honestly, she wanted the relationship to be over, she told you to move on and now you work with her. She's uncomfortable, if I had to guess. Why couldn't you find a job somewhere else? Why that job? Why with her? I think you're just prolonging your pain and agony. If I were you, I'd try and find a job elsewhere and forget about her. You may not understand this now, but to an ex who has dumped you, this may seem to her a pathetic attempt to reconcile. At least that what I think she feels. I know that sounds harsh and it isn't meant to be, but you do need to see both sides of the coin here.
pisces fish Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Oh Ok, sorry, but Original Poster, don't go posting "bumped into ex" "painful but I'm strong" when you applied to and accepted at a job in the same place she works. You KNEW you would BUMP INTO HER.
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