sumdude Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I'm turning 40 thois month. A year ago my wife left me and we are now divorced. The roommate I've had at the house is moving out the end of March. If I absolutly a\had to I could afford rent on the house but I'd be totally poor otherwise. I have debts to pay off. I could find another roommate. Thing is, my dad is 80 and living alone in the big family home. He still runs his little business from the basement. I know though that he is kind of lonely.. mom passed awaty 2 years agi. I feel like I maybe i should move in with him, at least for a while. Keep each other company, keap an eye on him, save some money and pay off debts. Downsides...? Loss of privacy... maybe a feeling of defeat moving back 'home'. He's okay right now but if his health fails and he needs more and more hands on care. I don't want to become his nurse or take on too much. Plus I try to imagine having a love life living there.
amaysngrace Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I've always thought it was a sweet thing to take care of those who have taken care of us. I hope to one day take care of my parents as they get older. Even if it's just to run errands if neither of them can drive. But it sounds like in your situation you'd both be helping each other out. It might be kind of nice. And worthy of the time you put into it.
blind_otter Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 If you get along well with your Dad I think it would be a great gesture. You wouldn't feel guilty if anything happened, then.
Author sumdude Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 If you get along well with your Dad I think it would be a great gesture. You wouldn't feel guilty if anything happened, then. We get along great... but would we still get along living together again? I'm used to my freedom. No questions asked about where I go or why I do what I do. I am of course a grown man but I'm still his boy... so in his house he would feel free to walk in wherever and whenever he wanted. I know this from others who have gone down the same road. i would have to live by his house rules... For example I smoke (yea.. i know... should quit) but I would have to smoke outside all the time. I play music and have a recording setup with drums etc... How would I get that set up in his house? So many considerations to weigh. I think of this as temporary but should he get a lot worse then what happens? Imagine wanting to move out and the torn feelings should he need more and more care? Do I stay until... well... until he's gone?.. ouch but that's reality. Yet I do feel like giving back too. There's a lot to think about and at the moment I'm pretty torn. Part of it is also the fact I never expected any of it with the divorce and all. Who knew I would suddenly be faced with it this way. It feels like going backwards.
quankanne Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 don't look at it as a step backwards, but a move forward in expanding your relationship. Because I guarantee, Daddy's gonna look at you differently (well, in some respects) as a 40-something than when you were a college-age kid. If you do decide to room with him, set up terms as two adult men sharing space, not "junior coming home to roost." I moved back in with my parents for 8 months after I tied the knot (husband renewed his contract in Saudi Arabia, and I was tired of sharing a bedroom with my sister's two kids in the two-bedroom apartment we shared). I had my privacy at my parents, but I also had an opportunity to further develop my relationship with them because they saw me as a grown up, not "my baby quank" ... I've never regretted that time with them, because I got to do a lot with them (mostly my mom) that I would have missed out on otherwise. as far as the music, find a place where you can set up shop – if he's got a detached garage or shed, that'd be cool – so that you can have your own privacy but still have your stuff safely set aside. like I said, if you enter into this new stage of the relationship with both of you as adults (not merely parent-child), you'll be pleasantly surprised at how things just might turn out. It's been my experience that while dads want to care for their kids, they *really* want them to be self-supporting, and they find us kids more easy to relate to because they're NOT expected to support us!
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