Elena62 Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I've been three days NC. Which doesn't bother me because MM is waiting for me to decide if I can handle him remaining in touch. I have decided that I want NC, and I have decided that what he's offered me is toxic love. I've read and re-read postings here. Just for clarity sake. I find that I don't actually care about giving support to a man during his mariage break ups and his W infidenlities! I'm quite sick to death of carrying all his s@@t and H and mine, too! He's just using me as an ego boost. He just wants me there for insurance I keep reminding myself of that! What I actually care about is me. What's bothering me is that I've allowed myself to label me as the OW when he's been the OM in my marriage (even if my M was over long before he can into my life - it still didn't help matters that I had this A.) Now I've written that, and I've admitted to an A. H has had A's (in plural) It's all a mess. For the life of me I never even thought I was capable of being this dishonest, even with myself. So now I've got real - and I've been analysing the types of men that have tried to enter into my life over the past five years. All of them have been "on the take" And I have been refusing ALL of them. Even H! Even though he has what he wants now - a legal and binding document to tell him he's out of the mariage until the divorce - he still wants sex with me. I refused. This is what I said: "If, I'm not good enough to be your wife, you're not good enough for me to engage in any kind of intimacy with you!" (And wow and I'm proud of myself!) Of course, he tried all the age old tactics, and I stood my ground! But, regarding the OM (I'm not going to call him the MM any more) I want to get past Valentines Day before I say anything. I don't know why that is. Perhaps I still have feelings - God only knows. But I really want to do the right thing for the right reasons - not to try and get to someone. The other day I was asked out on a date, by a guy who is single/divorced. I have noticed that has started to happen a couple of times now. I'm refusing it all. I want to start dating again when I am totally free of all toxic love in my life and when I feel healed from all this crap that I've allowed myself to enter into with open eyes. Maybe then I'll attract the right kind of person into my life. But I'm not in any hurry! I'm just missing the good bits about the OM today (even though I won't ever go back to it and I'll get VERBAL closure because that's the kind of person I am.) And I'm also missing the M I had 17 years ago, when H decided to have his first affair - that's when it all started to go wrong. I miss the man, the only man that has been a major part of my life. I think I'm hanging in there, I think? I'm not contacting anyone..... Thanks for listening
eastcoastMan Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I have decided that I want NC, and I have decided that what he's offered me is toxic love. I find that I don't actually care about giving support to a man during his mariage break ups and his W infidenlities! I'm quite sick to death of carrying all his s@@t and H and mine, too! He's just using me as an ego boost. He just wants me there for insurance I keep reminding myself of that! What I actually care about is me. So now I've got real - and I've been analysing the types of men that have tried to enter into my life over the past five years. "If, I'm not good enough to be your wife, you're not good enough for me to engage in any kind of intimacy with you!" I'm refusing it all. But I'm not in any hurry! Elena62 you are on the right track. I know it's tough but try not to break N/C. The longer you stay firm in your convictions, the clearer things will become. A little guy secret: The less we reach out to you, the more you want us. Sounds like you're learning this works for women too! The more you turn us down, the more we want you. If you can come to a point where these other men take on a more pathetic man-childlike role, the less interested you'll be in what they have to offer and the easier it will be for you to make a clear minded decision of what you really want. What really makes YOU happy. Get to that place emotionally then revisit what you want and don't want from your marriage. I like hearing you're moving toward holding the strings and seeing through "guy b.s."! Good luck!
Author Elena62 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 Elena62 you are on the right track. I know it's tough but try not to break N/C. The longer you stay firm in your convictions, the clearer things will become. A little guy secret: The less we reach out to you, the more you want us. Sounds like you're learning this works for women too! The more you turn us down, the more we want you. If you can come to a point where these other men take on a more pathetic man-childlike role, the less interested you'll be in what they have to offer and the easier it will be for you to make a clear minded decision of what you really want. What really makes YOU happy. Get to that place emotionally then revisit what you want and don't want from your marriage. I like hearing you're moving toward holding the strings and seeing through "guy b.s."! Good luck! Thank you so much for answering my post I really appreciate it!
OpenBook Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 My advice: Go shopping!! When all else fails, the answer lies at the mall.
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 My advice: Go shopping!! When all else fails, the answer lies at the mall. Day at the Spa. Sit in a hottub, have a sauna, then get a massage, facial (not that kind of facial:laugh:), manicure and pedicure. And, get your haircut. Do something to spoil yourself!
LadyDi Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I'm sorry your in such pain. NC is brutal. Look at it this way: V-Day is just another day on the calender. Ignor it. Good Luck!
Author Elena62 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 Note to self: Get radical haircut! Have Mani/pedicure Get my sorry international *ass* back into the gym! (Thanks for the advice girls) And on Valentines Day - I'll give my children valentines cards and presents because I love them more than anything and anyone! (another day NC!)
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