JerseyShortie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Are men turned off when you are the one that asks them out? I never done this and am always afriad that although a man might be flattered to be asked out, he won't take me seriously for long-term possibilities. I might be shy to even do this but who knows. I think men generally like to be the aggressors so they don't have has much fun when the woman is asking him out bein gthe aggressor. Have any of the ladies here asked a guy out? Did it work out? Have any of the guys here been asked out by a woman that the took seriously? Thoughts and oppinions please.
Lights Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Hasn't happened to me yet, but I wouldn't mind it at all.
Never_Sure Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Well, I asked out one guy, and he laughed at me. LOL, but that was when I was in Middle School. I asked out another guy when I was older and it worked, he thought it was hot as hell. He told me that he would have asked me out, but he didn't think I would be interested. He was extremely glad to say "yes." Haha, course, it didn't work out in the long run, but such is life! Out of curiousity, is this just a general, random question? Or is there someone particular who you are interested in? If the latter, I think it depends on the guy. If he is an aggressive type, then no, he isn't going to be thrilled to be asked out. If he is an insecure/shy type, then he very well may be. It really all depends on the kind of guy you are interested in. If you are interested in the aggressor type: make him interested, and then make HIM chase YOU. LOL, course, this all seems very "game-like" and it is. I suggest you read the book "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. It is insaine and slightly manipulative, but it's an interesting read. You can at least know the kind of person you're dealing with, regardless of whether or not you wish to employ any of the tactics.
Author JerseyShortie Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 Yeah, there is a certain guy I would like to ask but I don't know. I seem to get alot of men who turn out to be jerks ask me out, but the guys I like that I really want to ask me out, don't. I don't know if I am sending out "stay away from me signs" because I tend to be shy with men or what. But I don't really know how to get a man that I am intersted in and don't know, chase me.
OpenBook Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Have any of the ladies here asked a guy out? Did it work out? Have any of the guys here been asked out by a woman that the took seriously? Thoughts and oppinions please. Yes I have. And we fell madly in love with each other. But you have to choose him carefully. He must have already shown or expressed interest in you; otherwise it won't work. I knew he was attracted to me, and when I ran into him in the grocery store, we chatted for a couple minutes, and then to wrap it up I vaguely suggested that we go out for a drink sometime. (This leaves it wide open, and lets him choose which approach to take - casual friend thing, or more.) He followed up on the offer, and the rest was history.:love: Of course, we broke up a few months later. But it had nothing to do with how we got together. Or maybe it did! Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut that night in the grocery store. Who knows??
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Until I was about 33 or so I had only gone out with women that had asked me out.. I really didn't have to start asking out women until I got a bit older....38 or so... It was nice.... and when I was single, women that took the initiative to ask me out really turned me on...
LoveLace Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Most men I know love to be asked out by women. Can't say I've ever formally done it myself, though. I think it's only fair if women do it sometimes, because men don't wanna be the only ones to experience that feeling of anxiety due to a possible rejection. Chances are what your feeling is similar to what a guy feels before asking you out...nervous and not sure if you should do it. It takes some guts for either sex, so weather it's the man or the woman, it's an immediate compliment to be asked out and everybody loves a compliment. If you ask out a guy and he says no, it's probably not because your a woman doing a "man's job", but because his reasons for saying no are no different than a woman's reasons for saying no - just not interested. However, there are men who still prefer to do the duty of asking a girl out. The only way to find out is to try; if he's the type that's not turned on by it, he at least knows your into him and it could lead him to asking you out later.
Politico Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Have any of the guys here been asked out by a woman that the took seriously? Thoughts and oppinions please. I've only ever been asked out by one woman. The first time was subtle and I avoided. The second time, a year or two after I accepted. We were married two months later.
garnet Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Politico, what did she do that was subtle and why did you avoid? And then she asked you out again after you avoided? Please elaborate.
StillSame Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) If it's a total stranger (a girl) who ask me out, most likely, it will not look favorably on her. If we've known each other, it will not work against her. A guy will probably say "yes" to a date if the girl ask first even if the guy would have never ask the girl out. Since she ask, he will probably give her a chance. Once again, it will not work agains her, unless she's a total stranger. The good thing (for the girl) is that even if he said no, there is a chance that he will "wonder" in the future. By the way, if you know him and you know for sure that he will probably say "no," don't do it. If he is a decent guy at all, he will feel bad for rejecting you. It happened to me, and I felt horrible for saying "no." Edited February 4, 2008 by StillSame
Politico Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Politico, what did she do that was subtle and why did you avoid? And then she asked you out again after you avoided? Please elaborate. We'd been work friends for three years. I was involved in what was proving to be a nasty divorce, most unfortunately. During one of our conversations, she intimated that it had been a decade since she'd dated and a movie or shared meal might be nice. She didn't, however, personalize it and I didn't choose to respond to it which let us both off the hook. I was still legally married and regardless, wasn't ready to date. Well over a year later, and two years after my separation and divorce, I decided it was time for a bit of social life and asked her out. After living like a monk for over two years I had decided that a bit of an adult social life might be nice. Since we no longer worked directly together but had stayed in touch I asked her. We spent all of a Saturday together on a day trip. We then spent Sunday afternoon together on a shorter day trip. Tuesday she asked if I wanted to join her for lunch which I did and for which I paid. We then met for lunch Wed. thru Fri. and for drinks and/or dinner after work as well. I always insisted on picking up the tab. Saturday she invited me out to breakfast. I accepted.
Fettman Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I wouldn't mind with a female asking me out. Atleast that way I would know for sure that she was interested in me, but even so I would question it at first (a habit to always expect the worse ).
Jersey Shortie Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 By the way, if you know him and you know for sure that he will probably say "no," don't do it. If he is a decent guy at all, he will feel bad for rejecting you. It happened to me, and I felt horrible for saying "no." Errr, if I know for sure a guy is going to say no, I wouldn't as him out. It's not like I am LOOKING to be rejected. Also, you might have felt horrible for saying no but think of the girl that got the "no"! Your bad feelings where probably nothing compared to hers!
EYECANDY000 Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Ive asked a couple of guys out before. But I didnt propse it as a date. I guess I was to nervous to get turned down , if it seemed like an actual romantic date. I asked if they would like to hang out and if we had an emotinal conncetion then even better. I guess to me by asking to hang out it was more of a casual thing without all the stress. I dont think men get intimidated or turned off by women asking them out. Most men would like for women to take more initiative
Saxis Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Nearly every girlfriend or date that I've actually been on was initiated by the girl. That's only 2 girlfriends, my XW and 2 dates though. Every girl I've asked has turned me down, except the blind date I went on, but that was more arranged. I've turned down a couple girls also. They've mostly been not-so-subtle hints that they were interested though, not actually asking for a date. It's nice that way. I don't have to worry about continuous rejection because I already know if she's interested.
Florida Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) All men say they like to asked out, it's an ego booster! Doesn't mean it will benefit you, though. The best answer I ever saw was on another advice forum. By the way-I had asked out a guy, and it was the worst relationship of my life! We wouldn't have met dated otherwise, and I believe I should not have, in retrospect. The advice was: -Never ever walk up to a man and talk to him. If at a party, make eye contact, give body language, just never approach him. -The man has to be the one to take the risk. It makes him value her more. If she takes that away from him, no matter how good she looks, physically and on paper, he will wonder what is wrong with her. It diminshes her in his eyes. He will see her as a wounded animal, that had to jump tradition. He will wonder if she does this with all guys, and what is wrong with her. He will value a woman of less qualities who waited to be approached because she was confident that she was worth it, rather than the woman with clearly more qualities who made it easy for him. -If he approaches you first, and offers his contact info, it is okay to contact him because he made the initial leap. (personal note: he should still be the one to contact first. Not a fan of the "call me" line) -If it is a friend/acquaintance, he will ask you for coffee or more if he is interested. Then again, life is short, the idea of being picked by a man leaves a small dating pool indeed. But you can certainly send enough signals to the man *you* pick that he would take the next step with your encouragement. A guy will take what is put out to him on a platter, but it does not mean he will value it!!! Edited February 4, 2008 by Florida
Saxis Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Must be why mostly women run from their marriages these days. The men have to ask them out, and they just don't value it.
Florida Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Must be why mostly women run from their marriages these days. The men have to ask them out, and they just don't value it. Aww Saxis But women aren't wired like men. Men like the chase, they need to have that, where they don't know if they will get her or not. I agree with that advice, as it gives the guy time to strengthen his resolve that he really wants that particular lady. Take that away, and you never gave him the chance to have that. When the going gets tough, he will have no moment to remember about how bad he wanted her, therefore appreciating her more. I don't think women are like that! In fact, the ones I know who asked the guy out initially usually ended up feeling unsure regarding the strength of his feelings for her. Do you really think that women do that too?
nicki Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I'm a big fan of throwing a guy lots of hints, giving him a big green light, and basically throwing myself at him so he will take the chance and ask me out. You wouldn't believe how many guys need obvious signs over subtle ones. And I understand that. Who wants to risk rejection? I've actually had guys say later that they asked me out because they THOUGHT I might say yes. Thought? It felt to me like I was THROWING myself at the guy. That's how obvious my behavior felt to me. BUt to them, it just made them think they were in the game. It was a big eye opener for me. That said, I don't much like asking guys out anymore. While they would usually say yes, it just didn't seem work out in the long run. Of course, it's a crap shoot anyway you meet. It's just that the guys I had to ask out were not initiators in general, and that was a relationship killer. I prefer a more take charge kind of guy. The kind of guy who can see an opportunity right in front of him is the kind of guy who can see things in a relationship, too, and will take a more active role in life and in partnerships(IMHO.) So, I usually flirt, then in conversation mention an upcoming movie or event and see if a guy takes the bait. If he doesn't, then I understand he might not be interested....or he might be very dense.
Florida Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 That said, I don't much like asking guys out anymore. While they would usually say yes, it just didn't seem work out in the long run. Absolutely! Same here. If he doesn't, then I understand he might not be interested....or he might be very dense. :laugh: not so good either way! Great advice Nicki!
BUENG1 Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Aww Saxis But women aren't wired like men. Men like the chase, they need to have that, where they don't know if they will get her or not. I agree with that advice, as it gives the guy time to strengthen his resolve that he really wants that particular lady. Take that away, and you never gave him the chance to have that. When the going gets tough, he will have no moment to remember about how bad he wanted her, therefore appreciating her more. I don't think women are like that! In fact, the ones I know who asked the guy out initially usually ended up feeling unsure regarding the strength of his feelings for her. Do you really think that women do that too? I think that in all cases the person who is asked out versus asking out is more sure of the others feelings. There's always the possibility that the other person will accept a date even though they aren't that interested but if this is the case then what does it really matter. The two people wouldn't have dated. But I don't agree that if a girl asks a guy out they'll lose value or whatever. I mean if a person is interested in someone and the person they are interested asks him out, I doubt the guy will suddenly change his mind into thinking he never liked the girl anyways. Most people aren't that wishy washy.
norajane Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I'm a big fan of throwing a guy lots of hints, giving him a big green light, and basically throwing myself at him so he will take the chance and ask me out. You wouldn't believe how many guys need obvious signs over subtle ones. And I understand that. Who wants to risk rejection? I've actually had guys say later that they asked me out because they THOUGHT I might say yes. Thought? It felt to me like I was THROWING myself at the guy. That's how obvious my behavior felt to me. BUt to them, it just made them think they were in the game. It was a big eye opener for me. That said, I don't much like asking guys out anymore. While they would usually say yes, it just didn't seem work out in the long run. Of course, it's a crap shoot anyway you meet. It's just that the guys I had to ask out were not initiators in general, and that was a relationship killer. I prefer a more take charge kind of guy. The kind of guy who can see an opportunity right in front of him is the kind of guy who can see things in a relationship, too, and will take a more active role in life and in partnerships(IMHO.) So, I usually flirt, then in conversation mention an upcoming movie or event and see if a guy takes the bait. If he doesn't, then I understand he might not be interested....or he might be very dense. I totally agree with everything you said. If a guy isn't asking me out even if I throw all kinds of hints at him, he's either not interested or he's not the kind of guy I would be compatible with, so there's no point in asking him out.
Florida Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I think that in all cases the person who is asked out versus asking out is more sure of the others feelings. There's always the possibility that the other person will accept a date even though they aren't that interested but if this is the case then what does it really matter. The two people wouldn't have dated. But I don't agree that if a girl asks a guy out they'll lose value or whatever. I mean if a person is interested in someone and the person they are interested asks him out, I doubt the guy will suddenly change his mind into thinking he never liked the girl anyways. Most people aren't that wishy washy. That's a good point, maybe not to that extreme then, but the fear is that maybe the guy is just taking what is offered to him. Nothing special. I don't mean to undermine anyone who met and got married this way, obviously this wouldn't apply there. No, more like: guy: well here I am at the buffet, I was offered free onion soup. I don't really love onion soup, I would have preferred the filet mignon special, but since it is being offered and I'm hungry, guess I'll take it. Kind of like that.
Saxis Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Do you really think that women do that too? Yep. They like the challenge just as much as men do. I'd say they're even better at it. Kinda like nicki said; Maybe not actually asking for the dates, but playing the game nonetheless. Just an indirect way of going about it. If you weren't into chasing the guy, why would you bother leaving obvious hints in hopes that he responds? Happened to me last night. My buddy's girlfriend's friend pretty much came right out with it. She had him tell me she thought I was cute and asked if I thought she was too young for me. OOOOK... I get the hint!
Florida Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Yep. They like the challenge just as much as men do. I'd say they're even better at it. Kinda like nicki said; Maybe not actually asking for the dates, but playing the game nonetheless. Just an indirect way of going about it. If you weren't into chasing the guy, why would you bother leaving obvious hints in hopes that he responds? Because we feel using the intuition that he has potential and leaving hints is the only way to see if he returns the feeling! Happened to me last night. My buddy's girlfriend's friend pretty much came right out with it. She had him tell me she thought I was cute and asked if I thought she was too young for me. OOOOK... I get the hint! This is a good example, so you probably weren't interested in her in the first place then. If she had to be so obvious, in some way she had already picked up you weren't into her. But her ego wanted to make sure that wasn't the case. When clearly it was, right?
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