4givrnt4gtr Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 So, im putting this controversy out there to see if im being right a situation my friend has. She is dating this guy, who, in my eyes, adores her. They've been together for a year, have talked about getting married and are practically living together. So anyhow, she calls me this morning in tears. Apparently her boyfriend, while playing, was holding her hands in her back. So she tells him to let her go. His response to her was "not yet". After she told me this she started bawling....and then said that she felt he meant that he was gonna "let her go" eventually....as in...in the relationship. I was a bit baffled...cuz...even to me, being the insecured little girl i can be, it was obvious that he literally meant "not yet" as in not gonna let her arms go yet...but somehow she translated into her relationship. It was odd cuz Ive never seen her insecured... I insisted that he didnt mean it that way, that he adored her, but she just wouldnt budge. I told her i would put the situation out to you guys since u guys have helped me so much with my own insecurities and see what you all thought. So...what do you guys think? Am i right or is she right? Are guys really that complicated that they would say subliminal messages like that? Ive never seen them fight, and she assures me everything seemed ok, until he said that. She mentioned that once before he said something about him not being tired of her and then added "yet", but playfully. But now she sees that as another clue that he is going to leave her eventually. What do you guys think???
gemmab2020 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 it is sounding to me like she is jsut being a little bit insecure ... perhaps something else has happened within the relationship recently to make her feel this way that she hasn't told you about??
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Ya thats what i thought too. I asked her if they had gotten into a fight or if he had been acting strange. She said no. I then calmly and nicely told her she was being insecured. She accused me of being overly optimistic and that i liked her bf (as a friend) too much and she needed someone with hard cold and objective point of view (hence this post). Therefore...do tell. Insecure girl? or guy who is letting her know ahead of time that its not gonna happen in the long run thru little "between the lines" messages . **** Added note of the situation. Apparently the "not yet" was not guaranteed with what was happening at the moment. "it was out of context" (Again, he was holding her hands behind her back, she asked him to let her go, and he said "not yet") Edited February 3, 2008 by 4givrnt4gtr
Instinctive Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 She is way off. We guys are not that way at all. If he was going to leave her, he would leave, he wouldn't try to plant an idea that he would be leaving eventually and wait a while. He obviously was referring to her hands... I hope that helps, and as I read over it it sounds condescending, but it isn't. I just don't know how else to say that we guys are nowhere near that complicated.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) She is way off. We guys are not that way at all. If he was going to leave her, he would leave, he wouldn't try to plant an idea that he would be leaving eventually and wait a while. He obviously was referring to her hands... I hope that helps, and as I read over it it sounds condescending, but it isn't. I just don't know how else to say that we guys are nowhere near that complicated. LOL! this is a perfect answer! Thats what ive been trying to tell her, but she says that im not a guy and that you creatures are more complicated than what i give u credit for (ofcourse she doesnt know about my constant questioning...but this one is too obvious, even for me!). So how about it tell her "Guys dont PLAN to leave, they just LEAVE".... Any more guys who want to chime in? Girls too Edited February 3, 2008 by 4givrnt4gtr
BareGoddess Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I think if she continues acting that insecure she will drive him away...self-fulfilling prophecy.
Citizen Erased Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I certainly don't envy her. She wouldn't have come to that conclusion if she wasn't paranoid it was going to happen one day. She needs to talk to her boyfriend about her fears IMO. If he runs the other way when she releases the crazy then well maybe she was right
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 I think if she continues acting that insecure she will drive him away...self-fulfilling prophecy. Thats true although ive never seen her likes this. I wonder if she's just getting nervous and trying to get out somehow....hm...
Recommended Posts