eagle5 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I've been seperated from my wife for a year now, even though it's felt like we've been apart for several years. I left after it seemed there was nothing left to do, I tried talking, went to see a councellor and prayed things could be sorted out..... Then after I lost 2 stone in weight and became ill, and seeing my first sons face (where he was picking up on the atmosphere), I knew there was only one answer.. to leave. I must add that when I left my wife was pregnant again, this came about because we talked for 2 DAYS about making things better between us, I was desperate to get our relationship back on track and had been for a couple of years, she wanted another child and I did protest because of our situation, she said things WILL change after trying for another baby. I stupidly believed her but was desperate too. She became pregnant after the first attempt and I thought it could be ok now, I believed her. I had thought about what to do for months, it killed me to think the only solution left was to leave my son and an unborn child, but it was the only way I could see to make things ok. It killed me that I left her when she was pregnant but like I said it was after trying EVERYTHING to make us two work as a couple again. Our problems were - She told me I was wrong for wanting an intimate relationship with her, this built up over a period of time, God knows where this came from, I asked and asked but got no answer. It started even before our forst son was conceived. She went as far as to call me a pervert for looking forward to jumping into bed with her after not seeing her for 6 days. She told me I was second best to her job (a temp position), and she really made me feel like it, I didn't try to get in the way of her job, all I wanted was for us to be close. I tried to bring new things into the relationship like going out occasionally or having a night playing silly board games instead of always watching tv, but got no response. She was a total control freak, like planning next weeks meal today and always living her life (and trying to make everyone else) live to a set routine. I was made to feel bad about us visiting my family too, even though it happened or rare occasions. I wasn't mr perfect but I could see this huge gap growing between us, it did need ti be sorted out for our and our kids future. So when I finally left I felt lost but knew it was the right thing to do. About a month after I met a girl and had a 9 month relationship, it was brilliant, it was the most loving relationship I'd ever felt, I did think it could have been rebound but I'd fallen out of love with my wife a fair while before so I had felt single for a long while and I knew it was much more than that, I was ready to give my life to her. I did still have great contact with my boys which was fantastic. I felt a great deal of guilt for leaving my wife, like I said it was the right thing to do but I think I am a decent human being with feelings and it was never going to be an easy thing, the guilt ate me up alot. Anyway my gf then decided to leave me in Dec and it killed me, I mean literally devistated me. I don't know maybe I deserved it but I've been through hell since. My wife (soon to be ex as we are divorcing) and I have talked alot and I know we could never make another go of it, she would try but she hasn't changed and it would be like going back to the same problems. Tonight though we had a big row on the phone, she has got a live in aupere to look after the boys so she can go back to work, (we both work away from home for several days a week), but she has told me when I shn ould see the boys like I don't have a say in it even though my work roster is completely randon (ie i can't ever say every Saturday or whatever is free), but she is still trying to control me. I want to see my boys of course but she's just giving me the days that are good for her only. So I'm getting over 2 break ups, one of them may be construed as wrong but that's just what happened, now I'm battling the ex wife because she wants to STILL control me and she's using the kids too.... The end result tonight was she said my timing to see the boys was not good what she construed as 'good' time so I didn't get to see them at all!!!!!! Sorry for a big story but I had to vent... Don't know where I am at the moment or what to do...
Recommended Posts