mspikes Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I made a few posts here in the past about my last relationship while it was coming to a close. Nearly 5 months later, I'm still having sleepless nights over it... The best way to describe why we broke up could be summed up in my last post... ....I think that my last breakup may qualify to the "ending for...'personal' issues". I dated a guy for close to 9 months, and thought that things were going along just fine when it turned out that we just didn't want the same thing. I wanted a serious relationship with him, and he just wanted to be by himself.... The break up itself was pretty cordial, and I found myself suprizingly, not taking it all that hard. Although I couldn't understand the situation fully, I didn't feel slighted or betrayed at all. I think it was just a case where we had just met each other at the wrong time. Now, at the time we broke up, I didn't take it all that hard... but in the months following the break up, every idle moment I get (be it just driving in the car, or more times than not, when getting into bed) he pops right back into the spot he used to occupy in my brain. At this point, I almost wish I had a reason to hate him, so I could hurry up and get him off of my mind... and the worst part of it is... I CANT find one. Like I said previously, our breakup was cordial, and it was only because of the fact that we didn't want the same things... but months later, I still wish that I had him around. Do I want to get back together, you might ask... ABSOLUTLEY.. but, everytime I think about reaching out to him, I realize that it has to be HIM that wants to do it, not just me. I know I would take him and all his problems back in a minute... however, I know that I want more for myself than a guy who didn't really seem to like himself enough to pull away from a relationship (one before me) that he KNEW was over, to give himself fully over to me. How does one cope with this? Have you been in the same situation? How did you finally get over it?
Scorpio13c Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I made a few posts here in the past about my last relationship while it was coming to a close. Nearly 5 months later, I'm still having sleepless nights over it... The best way to describe why we broke up could be summed up in my last post... ....I think that my last breakup may qualify to the "ending for...'personal' issues". I dated a guy for close to 9 months, and thought that things were going along just fine when it turned out that we just didn't want the same thing. I wanted a serious relationship with him, and he just wanted to be by himself.... The break up itself was pretty cordial, and I found myself suprizingly, not taking it all that hard. Although I couldn't understand the situation fully, I didn't feel slighted or betrayed at all. I think it was just a case where we had just met each other at the wrong time. Now, at the time we broke up, I didn't take it all that hard... but in the months following the break up, every idle moment I get (be it just driving in the car, or more times than not, when getting into bed) he pops right back into the spot he used to occupy in my brain. At this point, I almost wish I had a reason to hate him, so I could hurry up and get him off of my mind... and the worst part of it is... I CANT find one. Like I said previously, our breakup was cordial, and it was only because of the fact that we didn't want the same things... but months later, I still wish that I had him around. Do I want to get back together, you might ask... ABSOLUTLEY.. but, everytime I think about reaching out to him, I realize that it has to be HIM that wants to do it, not just me. I know I would take him and all his problems back in a minute... however, I know that I want more for myself than a guy who didn't really seem to like himself enough to pull away from a relationship (one before me) that he KNEW was over, to give himself fully over to me. How does one cope with this? Have you been in the same situation? How did you finally get over it? Hi Mspikes, It sounds like he was never over his ex when you were with him. Maybe try & use that as good reason to let go of him, as he probably never gave you as much of his heart as he did his ex. You deserve better. Have you tried dating again? That too might help boost your ego & also help with forgetting him. Scorp
NiceGirlcomeslast Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 my situation was very similar to yours. We just met at the wrong place and wrong time, he had issues (i suspect in part because he never got over his ex) and couldn't be in a relationship despite "loving me". Its hard because you can't hate someone for not being in the right place to have a relationship, without betrayal or hatred it's hard to understand why you need to be apart because there wasn't anything WRONG with the relationship! I am not making much sense at the moment as I am in the middle going to bed, need to go to bed to avoid texting the ex back. I don't know if you ever get over thinking about how it could have been, when a relationship ends for "personal" issues you don't really get the therapy of hating his guts. Maybe they will always be the ones who got away, but at the end of the day they cut themselves loose by not getting over those "personal" issues!
Author mspikes Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 IN re: Nicegirl... I've been back out there seeing others but, none have been all that great. I've been trying to not get hung up on the fact that the new guys aren't the last guy I really dated but, I feel like I'm hitting the bottom of the barrel. :-(
NiceGirlcomeslast Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 It's a terrible cliche but you have to kiss a hell of a lot of frogs before you find a prince even an emotionally crippled prince It's hard going out there looking for someone new or even giving people a chance, probably your ex wasn't perfect but you loved him so to you he was. These guys have a massive disadvantage in that you don't love them so their imperfections can't be ignored. Trust me it's bloody hard! There have been times when I have gone out and the only guys to ask me out have been old fat ugly men, and I have felt despair like at 23 I have peaked and now it's a slippery slope to the life of a cat lady! But I think when you have healed properly you will meet someone and even though they say the best way to get over a man is to get under one it probably not best you meet Mr Right whilst you are still dealing with the aftermath of Mr Wrong. ( I hate to call him that because if you feel anything like me you don't feel like he wasn't Mr Wrong you think he was Mr Right but just everything else was wrong... that still makes him wrong for your right now though... ) Dating should be fun, I am trying not to over analyse it, think about it like a night out, you will probably get a free drink and a good laugh out of it and even if it's terrible you will have a story to tell your mates. I think there are a lot more frogs out there than princes so don't be surprised if they aren't all that great, but there is more than one prince in the world and you need to do everything you can to make sure that you don't treat him like your ex treated you, you need to have your heart free and available.
Jackieboy Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 How to cope? Read 'No Foolin' who has been placed back on the list. Sounds as though you need to move on not for your ex's sake but for yours. Read what he has to say, the man kept (and keeps) me strong and sane!
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