abraham2011 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 an introduction.....I'm 24...run a successful business...am in the process of getting an MBA...tall... built( well having solid abs should count)...handsome(yes...)...am a good public speaker........ BUT............suck when it comes to speaking to girls ..........and as a result haven't ever had a girl friend........forget sleeping with someone; i haven't even come close to kissing one......... so here's my problem.......i need help....all these holidays and stuff like valentine's day and new year's eve is driving me crazy when i have to say...oh i'm just going to be home watching Jurassic park... these should help you guys figure me out a bit better... i have a few friends...5 or 6 actually...one of whom is a chic( i had a crush on her but we are too good friends for me to make a move)..but cant get their help 'cause ive kinda built this image over the years of being absolutely happy with the way my life is proceeding..without women that is.... i'm not a good dancer to make a move in the clubs... funniest part is people approach me for dating advice and lovelife problems and to understand what actually their partner meant.....AND....i'm really good with this stuff and it works for them....BUT when it comes to my own life.....I SUCK..............BIG TIME........ the few times i do go out....(im not a club hopper)...and chics approach me i blow them off with my nice sweet guy approach.....friends ask me to act an ass( the reverse psych crap) but i just cant... and it is probably true ..well more likely maybe..cause all my friends say this...that i have a very high standard when it comes to hitting on women...they say i only go for superhot women who might not be out of my league if only looks mattered but definitely way out of my league when it came to my bank balance...... so what's the advice.........
dreamergrl Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I hated attempting to talk to guys.. I was horrible. Then I tried online dating, which worked great for me because there wasn't that face to face pressure. Eventually I came out of my shell, and things got easier. I liked it because I could take the time to think about what I wanted to say, instead of being put on the spot.
Lucky555 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 "I'm 24...run a successful business...am in the process of getting an MBA...tall... built( well having solid abs should count)...handsome(yes...)...am a good public speaker." Really impressive that you think this way about yourself and you have accomplished a lot. However, what are you thinking when you talk to a girl? Just once if an attractive girl asks you to dance, dance with her. At least once just to be more open...you can't dance well it does not take much. You will find your own way and no one cares how you dance. Being with your friends well they might watch you but who cares your the one having a good time. It sounds like you have very clear goals for yourself but lighten up when it comes to girls. If your not approachable then they won't waste their time. Find out what your looking for in a person and what type of relationship you desire. Clubs are good for having fun and you might be surprised at what type of girl you might meet. I have also heard of online dating such as cupid does this thing where a group of people meet for coffee and see if there are people that click with each other. I think this is a no pressure idea and a good way to meet girls. I don't know about this but it sounds nice. Smiles can go a long long way! See an attractive girl in the supermarket looking at something? Make up something like, oh how is that product? make small talk and then say nice meeting you. But don't ask her out just begin small talk with girls that are strangers that u may be interested in. Soon i believe it would be easier to talk to girls. Your friends may know someone for you! Their girlfriends my have friends that are single! USE YOUR CONNECTIONS! Considering they probably know you best. Why waste your time making them believe you are happy the way you are when you are not? To keep up appearances? You don't need to act like you can have any girl you want just to satisfy your ego because girls can detect that and you may just appear like a jerk to them. Also, if you cannot be more open then they can also detect that. Just be yourself and don't expect anything to happen. Its a process to go through and the right girl may or may not land in your lap so easily. Yes, a girl could reject you, but wouldn't you be glad they did if they were not interested and you can move on to find someone who does. This happens with girls and guys so its inevitable. GOOD LUCK! Hope this helps.
Author abraham2011 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 "However, what are you thinking when you talk to a girl?" this is the problem....i am too sweet to be saying nasty stuff or be more provocative should i say...let me give an example...i was at a bar a couple of months back and i just dont know but my conversation with a pretty chic took off towards academics and MBAs in general..and she went on to say how an adcom rep offered to get her into London Bussiness school...that was total bull****...at least from what i had known of her, there was just no way....and i said ok...thats good....though i was tempted to be rough and call her bluff... the roblem is i advice my friends to call the bluff..but when it comes to me...i just dont...maybe i guess i should "Just once if an attractive girl asks you to dance, dance with her." great advice my friend..will do this the next time.... "It sounds like you have very clear goals for yourself but lighten up when it comes to girls. If your not approachable then they won't waste their time." again very true...i need to make a conscious effort. "Your friends may know someone for you! Their girlfriends my have friends that are single! USE YOUR CONNECTIONS! Considering they probably know you best. Why waste your time making them believe you are happy the way you are when you are not? To keep up appearances?" sort of yeah..i have put up this appearance for too long..."i'm the guy people come to for help...i dont go to them"...is essentially what i have been doing....maybe it time to change and be more human... "You don't need to act like you can have any girl you want just to satisfy your ego because girls can detect that and you may just appear like a jerk to them. Also, if you cannot be more open then they can also detect that. Just be yourself and don't expect anything to happen. Its a process to go through and the right girl may or may not land in your lap so easily." this i dont do....it is just that i have already eliminated a whole host of girls cause i dont find them attractive...that is all i meant in my first post...maybe i have to be flexible...
Lucky555 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 "BUT............suck when it comes to speaking to girls ..........and as a result haven't ever had a girl friend........forget sleeping with someone; i haven't even come close to kissing one..." Another thing is this part right here listed above. This explains a lot. First of all I don't think you suck at talking with girls, It sounds like you have intelligent conversations which is great to start with. if you are like every other guy and start macking on them then they won't like it very much. Do you think you feel inexperienced with girls and therefore its awkward for you? I think you have a lot of confidence in yourself. Now if only you portray that in a nice way to the ladies. First to get you on the right track i think you should date a girl that you have some interest in or if you meet someone you think you could have a connection with,then ask them for their number and follow up with a date. Don't think about kissing or getting near them unless they allow you to or touch your arm or something. Just start dating people and you will get more experience and there is bound to be a girl that wants to kiss you. If there is something there then the rest will follow. If they ask about your past relationships.... well you have been busy with work and have not had a serious relationship. but now your are hoping to find someone to spend some time with. What are you looking for? Dating right now and see what develops. thats a good answer. You don't even have to start out looking for a girlfriend just a date! Just one date and if it does not work then it doesn't and on to someone else. very important pretend like you have are experienced with girls, like even if you have not been kissed then you don't have to say you have not, just go with the flow. Remember you have a lot to offer, your a great guy, be interested in the other person and try to talk some about yourself and them, you are great with the ladies just talk them up. Girls love to talk. There is bound to be someone that is interested or that your interested in.
boo121 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 This is my first post, so im gona rant at the admins! Sort out the advertisements on this site, they are all over the place. What i think you need is to try to understand women a bit better. The girls who you are hitting on in the clubs have guys approach them all the time. You can't do the same approach as everybody else, unless you are brad pit. Is there anything specific you want to know? A good place to start is just approching girls you don't know in clubs, and get confident at doing that. You could join a club / society and meet women there. And get advice off your female friend! Im sure she will be more than happy helping you out. If you really want to get over this, you need to accept the fact that you can't get the 10s and the hot babes yet! you're attitude isnt quite there yet.
Maxi Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Mate... it sounds like you have a lack of confidence and perhaps some self-esteem issues! All of your accomplishments mean nothing (especially to women) if you dont have any confidence and are not comfortable within yourself! Your friends are giving you horrible advise.. acting "an ass" is so wrong its not funny! It shows a complete lack of confidence and maturity - and no decent girl will go for it! I think you should focus on meeting people and expanding your friendhips (particularly with women) and not focusing on trying to spark up a relationship with every girl you meet! Also... it seems like your focusing quite a bit on this perception you have of yourself... Just from reading your post it seemed as though people could percieve you to be arrogant. Maybe this has contributed to your problem. Basically I think you need to work on yourself... I dont mean to be overly forward or tell you how it is, but If your attractive and confident - with all your accomplishments, then you really shouldnt have any problem with getting a girl...
BlueHaiku Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 To the above good advice I'll add this: Go out one night and set a goal for yourself. Your goal should be this: I'm going to approach some girls get get rejected by at least 2 girls tonight. Yes, I said "rejected" - think of that as your goal, instead of getting a date or getting a kiss or getting a girlfriend or meeting the love of your life. It will take the pressure off. You've just got to get yourself out there. Worry about success later. Good luck! BlueHaiku
Author abraham2011 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 This is my first post, so im gona rant at the admins! Sort out the advertisements on this site, they are all over the place. The girls who you are hitting on in the clubs have guys approach them all the time. You can't do the same approach as everybody else, unless you are brad pit. hey...this is the prob...i generally dont hit on the girls....i said there r women who approach me..drunk.. not so drunk...quite a few i know for sure looking to get laid...sorry to the women out here, no intention of insulting...everybody makes a choice....see this is what i meant when i said too sweet...i would rather take it slow than just jump into bed... yeah we all cant be brad pitts...but hey it is guys like me namely the image consultants and other asses who build the brad pitts and clooneys of the world... If you really want to get over this, you need to accept the fact that you can't get the 10s and the hot babes yet! you're attitude isnt quite there yet. yeah i know... but will get there in a couple of years...trust me...but even then i would pbobably face the same problem...not of getting good women but the right woman who is both the 10 and has brains( i still haven't found the right combo....)
Author abraham2011 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Mate... it sounds like you have a lack of confidence and perhaps some self-esteem issues! All of your accomplishments mean nothing (especially to women) if you dont have any confidence and are not comfortable within yourself! confidence issues...maybe a bit...that i accept...but not really again...just check my above post...it is probably that i am one of those "nice" guys to have a grt conversation with and end up going to the wrong places .. acting "an ass" is so wrong and not focusing on trying to spark up a relationship with every girl you meet! that i dont try....it is that i dont even try to foster friendships.... percieve you to be arrogant. this i think contributes a lot.... i end up rejecting the women who hit on me and whine about the women i dont get....seriously...i got to change.... And all of you... thanks for your advice...
D-Lish Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 ...not of getting good women but the right woman who is both the 10 and has brains( i still haven't found the right combo....) I have met quite a few really hot women with brains... I saw someone else listed the online dating suggestion. I have a high standard for dating- and I have been sucessful meeting people online. It's hit and miss, but I don't get a chance to go out much, so that makes it hard to meet men. Online dating allows you to see pictures and read profiles before contact. At the very least- it's practice. Sending mail back and forth gives you a chance to interact with possible dating prospects. I used to scoff at the idea- but I now see it as a great way of meeting guys. And if you begin my mailing women- this allows you to think about what you're going to say first- even edit it if you wish. Are you against the notion of on-line dating?
oppath Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 the best thing you can do is acknowledge to your friends "I haven't dated much and want to improve that part of my life" and to ask them for help. Seriously. Guy friends are great role models to emulate. I've taken my guy friends in that situation out to meet women and flirt. It's a blast. However, meeting women in clubs is not the goal. Bars and clubs are great because you can approach lots of people for small talk in one evening. You can enter a half dozen sets, as the PUA's call them. So it is great to go to those venues, but really all you are doing is making small talk with strangers. You can do that any place, any time, and that should be your goal. For me, my problem was closing. Even if I got a number, I would hold the phone in my hand for an hour trembling. How did I get over it? I'd ask out guys. Not on dates. But a guy buddy who I was not close with, an acquaintance from work...I'd invited them out for a beer. It's the same thing as asking out a woman on a date, and since I was nervous taking those risks with male friends, I started there. Counterintuitive? Not really. I've been my most successful at dating when I've had a vibrant social life. The skills are the same until you want a sexual vibe. So ask out guys you'd like to become better friends with. Tell your friends about your dating problems. Emulate the ones who are good with women. Get a wingman. Look into online dating. It will get a few dates under your belt which is great for confidence.
Recommended Posts