mark982 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 i'm lost a confused.been married almost 24 yrs.and this marriage sure hasn't become what i thought it would.she has slowly over the yrs. to become possesive,mean,anti-social. i can't figure out why i stay! she's slowly over the yrs. ran off all my friends,hell i'm lucky if i get a phone call 1 time a month. fought with my sister till even if i visit her i catch hell.but it's ok to spend all our tome w/ her mom and dad.i'm expected to come directly home after work,if not i get the 3rd degree.only friends i have is "her" friends,and if i talk to them,she bitched i'm tring to pick them up!(not true) i just want some conversation.all she talks about is her job(nurse)and talks to me like i'm dumb cause i don't understand medical words.i'm only 47. i just want to have some fun,laugh,go out do something. not be miserable.lifes too short
Tony T Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 You need to get away from this. It sounds like your wife has acquired narcissistic personality disorder. Google that term and read about it. She is obviously very selfish, controlling and self centered. You can never be happy around her at this point. I've heard of people who were once sweet and generous changing into this type of personality. It's very sad when it happens. You probably ought to get some counseling for yourself before you make your final decision. Of course, there are only two decisions you can make, stay or leave. My bet is also that you are a very generous, giving and passive person who has worked very hard to make this lady happy for the many years you've been with her. If I'm right, I must tell you that you have to take some of the responsibility for creating the monster she is now. She's used to being treated like a princess and she's taking it to the limit. My guess is also that she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer so she uses this controlling behavior to compensate for her lack upstairs. You are in a terrible situation and don't think it will change. I am so sorry.
padder83 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 what about a holiday away together, if fun is what your after its nice to just get away together and put some spice back into things, if shes a nurse she mite get a week off here or there, book something and dont tell her(if it dosent happen u havent lost much), make it a surprize maybe jus hint at it to see what the vibe is like, life can be serious sometimes ehhh?! i know id love to be whisked away myself on a little break and i like being romantic too so tryin someting like that it will give u a lift also,....then when ur away you can talk properly and be relaxed when you chat& make some progress..good luck friend.
Gunny376 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 PM me your address and next time your out cutting the grass? I'll jump the curb and run your azz over with my 4X4 "Larrymobile" Hell! I'll even back over you once or twice to put you out of your misery! I know you'd do it for me, so I would do it for you!
Author mark982 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 tony t, yes at 1 time she was very sweet,and loving,what happened,who knows,she's stolen large amounts out of our accounts,she's always w/me so bf is out of the question,unless it's someone at work.she said i needed a hobby as i seemed depressed,so i got one. well that lasted a couple days as it involved a friend,and she could not have that.i guess i've let her walk all over me.now she's complaining about that there's women who go to the gym,well she don't like that 1 bit.that's where the line in the sand begins. gunny,lawnmower is too painful,take my 9mm and just shoot my sorry butt.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 tony t, yes at 1 time she was very sweet,and loving,what happened,who knows,she's stolen large amounts out of our accounts,she's always w/me so bf is out of the question,unless it's someone at work.she said i needed a hobby as i seemed depressed,so i got one. well that lasted a couple days as it involved a friend,and she could not have that.i guess i've let her walk all over me.now she's complaining about that there's women who go to the gym,well she don't like that 1 bit.that's where the line in the sand begins. gunny,lawnmower is too painful,take my 9mm and just shoot my sorry butt. So let her complain, why are you putting up with her bull****???!!? Tell her you make your own rules and she's not your owner!!!
BlueHaiku Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Of course it is hard to "diagnose" with only hearing one side of the story. But one of two things is probably going on here: 1. She is suffering from some sort of mental instability and has in some sense really "lost it" - please note I'm not trying to say she's necessarily downright insane: there are many gradations. If so, you might want to try to encourage her to seek help - you can choose to stay with her or not, but either way, it would be good to try to encourage her to seek help. 2. She may be reacting to something she perceives you are doing or not doing. She could, perhaps, be feeling neglected and abandoned by you, and therefore be becoming more possessive as a way to try to get her needs met. In this case, you ought to talk to her to try to discover what her needs and fears are, discuss & come to an agreement on ways in which you could meet them better, and then explain your needs (in a nonthreatening way) and try to come to an agreement on ways in which she could help/allow you to meet them better. A couples' counselor might help. I do agree that you have helped to create this situation, if only that you haven't put your foot down before now. So start putting that foot down now - do it firmly and with confidence, but not with emotion or anger. Do it with a clear understanding of your needs, and also with a willingness and openness to listen to and assist her in obtaining her needs, too.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 OP - you are in a tough bind. You, unfortunately have cultivated this bad behavior and therefore will be hard to break. BUT YOU MUST. I am going through something similar and now I am putting my foot down and telling H that I will not be held hostage in my own life. H looks at me like I'm crazy because I've allowed him to direct me. NO MORE, not this chicky. I'm outta here in a heart beat if H so much as looks at me the wrong way.....
Author mark982 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 i will admit that alot of it is my fault.i've always been the type to open doors,help with her coat even after 24 yrs.but it's now i do all the laundry,wash dishes,windows. you name it,i do it.i just finished painting all the rooms,plus ceilings(damn cig smoke)didn't even get a thanks,just bitched about the cost of paint.it's too the point i feel more like a slave than her husband.and the sex--- a very distant memory.i thought at first i was being a loving husband as i was married b/4,and wanted to give it a best shot.i miss the wife i had the first 5 yrs. we were married.this is gonna be like retraining a kid.
NotMyselfNEmore Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 I do agree that you have helped to create this situation, if only that you haven't put your foot down before now. So start putting that foot down now - do it firmly and with confidence, but not with emotion or anger. Do it with a clear understanding of your needs, and also with a willingness and openness to listen to and assist her in obtaining her needs, too. I agree with BlueHaiku (and all the others), you must put your foot down if this is making you miserable. Now, she might come back refuting that it didn't make you miserable before "Why now?". This will be an attempt to practice that old saying If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But remember, this is HER opinion of the marriage. Remain strong. Tell her that it's not working anymore and that you are too young to live like this for the rest of your marriage. What's the worst thing that could happen? That she will leave you? Will you feel lonely? What gives? You are already miserable! And you are already lonely! Her leaving you might actually be a relief!
ZEN357 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Get rid of her butt! You are 47, is this how you want to die? Miserable? You know I read all these posting from you guys and you guys make me sick. Grow a set, and stop taking the crap that women dish out! Having a vagina does not make them superior! Divorce her ass and don't look back!
imagonnacry Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Mark There are PLENTY of women out there who would really appreciate you. Move out now. Tell her it is a trial seperation, see how things go. You couldn't feel any worse, could you? PLEASE don't joke about shooting yourself. For HER? Please, no. Too few good men out there, don't let her rob us of one more. Hang in there....
Author mark982 Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 no,no,no. shooting was only a joke,about which was less painful. i respect life to much(plus i'd miss grandson).i've started,changing my ways alittle bit.slow but sure.i no longer am doing everything,maybe 75%. it's giving me some nasty coments,i took up my hobby(cars)down at my friends house.she didn't bi$ch,just the quiet treatment.it's really hard to put into words exactly.what i thought was being a loving husband,i see now that she is using me(unpaid maid).in a way i feel guilty,i'm so used too doing these things
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