bigmanpayne Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 new category same old me, same old problems i guess. my daughter told me that my wife told her about a week before she left that she was going to be leaving and that she got back with her old boyfriend. my daughter is 10. my wife has a second job cleaning a lady's house. my daughter goes with her whenever there is no school and a few weeks ago there was no school for whatever reason. i had never been there before and my wife made my daughter promise to never take me there. she told her that if she told me where the house was that she (my wife) would never come to see them (my children) again. unbelieveable. we went to sleep on a friday night and woke up on a saturday morning and my wife was gone. she had already told my daughter that this would happen and how it would happen. after my wife left i did ask my daughter to take me out there and she took us all over the place, we almost were on the path to another state! Finally i stopped the car and yelled at her to tell me why she was intentionally getting us lost and she told me. i felt like crap. she eventually showed me the correct house and i asked my wife why she would tell my child something like that. my wife denied it but finally apologized to me and my daughter. but my daughter came to me 10 min. after that and said she made it all up, so i then believed that, but tonight she confessed that she just didn't want to see her mom in trouble and that she wanted to see her mother again so she said she made it all up even though it was the truth. i hope whoever is reading this is following. basically i feel like crap and i feel like i married someone who isn't worth the time it would take for me to spit on her. i love my kids and would never put them in the middle of anything between me and their mother, let alone tell them that i am leaving their mother for another woman in that manner. this talk with my daughter has made me feel even worse, and even more alone and feel just plain stupid. why does my wife get to do these things and get away with it? what type of person must i be that she feels the need to act in this manner just to get away from me? i keep asking the same questions because i cant seem to find any answers. why do my children deserve this? how am i supposed to deal with everything? has my wife found her one true love on earth and if so does that make all of the things that she is doing ok? i mean (as i have written in other posts) i feel as if i am doing something wrong, or as if my way of thinking is wrong. i don't think any relationship is worth my children. her family allows this behavior and doesn't seem to care if my kids are upset or not. they don't seem to care if she sees them or not. her boyfriend doesn't care. it seems as if i am totally crazy. i am very upset that my daughter had to go through this. she knew for a week that her mom was going to tear up this family and had to hold on to that and keep it to herself out of fear of never seeing her mother again. i am mad but feel as if i am the one to blame and somehow if i were to just disappear or die everyone would be happy. i am just in the dark and totally lost. i feel like the last 11 years of my life were wasted and thus i am a complete failure. i only pray that my kids make it through this, but i doubt very much that they will.
Zolie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I have no advice about your wife. But I would strongly advise you to get your daughter into therapy asap. Your wife may or may not have very valid reasons for leaving you, but she has absolutely no right to involve that poor child this way. Your daughter is going to suffer some major anguish and long term trauma from this if she doesn't get help to put it in perspective. I'm so sorry you are reeling from this. I know it is crazy making.
Author bigmanpayne Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I have no advice about your wife. But I would strongly advise you to get your daughter into therapy asap. Your wife may or may not have very valid reasons for leaving you, but she has absolutely no right to involve that poor child this way. Your daughter is going to suffer some major anguish and long term trauma from this if she doesn't get help to put it in perspective. I'm so sorry you are reeling from this. I know it is crazy making. i am going to get her some counseling asap. i didnt know how bad things really were. both of my kids are having a hard time coping with this. they try to act tough, but they are really having a rough go of it. i feel so bad for them. my daughter must have been going through hell and i start to cry every time i even think about it. my wife honestly doesn't have a real reason for any of this, but whether she does or not i am disappointed that my daughter had to be involved. hurts like hell.
Zolie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I just read your other thread about your wife's history of doing this. It really sounds like she is troubled. I urge you to please seek counseling for you and your children. And you sound like you are suffering from situational depression, and there are anti-deps that can help you with that. This doesn't mean you would have to be on them forever, just long enough to reset your chemical imbalance and help you cope better. Trust me, it does help. Bless you.
Author bigmanpayne Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I just read your other thread about your wife's history of doing this. It really sounds like she is troubled. I urge you to please seek counseling for you and your children. And you sound like you are suffering from situational depression, and there are anti-deps that can help you with that. This doesn't mean you would have to be on them forever, just long enough to reset your chemical imbalance and help you cope better. Trust me, it does help. Bless you. my kids will definitely be in counseling starting this Tuesday, i dont know if i can move that quickly. i just pray that everything works out for them. i dont do drugs, even prescriptions. i dont even take aspirin, so i doubt i will be on any anti-deps. i am just going to keep talking, keep posting, and try to keep myself occupied. i am just deeply concerned for my children.
Zolie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 i dont do drugs, even prescriptions. i dont even take aspirin, so i doubt i will be on any anti-deps. I felt the same way. I resisted anti-deps for 3 years before I would accept the truth of the diagnosis. I finally realized I absolutely had to do something or I was going to be a babbling idiot before long, and taking my family down with me. The anti-deps worked wonders. I am a FIRM believer in them, now. And I didn't have to stay on them forever. Just long enough to fix the chemical imbalance. You may be able to do it without the meds, but it might take longer. I wish you luck.
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