brokenhearteddad Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Here is my story, I am sure there is going to be plenty that are very similar. I need some advice. I know the easy thing to do is to leave and find someone who is going to treat me better and actually love me as I deserve, but this is my wife and she is young and needs some help. I don't want to be a savior but I think if I can help her get through this, we can have a successful marriage, maybe. First she needs to realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. Any advice here would be great, thanks. My story: My wife & I have been married 1 year, together 2. After our daughter was born (11mo ago), I worked days, she worked nights & we only saw each other 5 min/day. I told her that we should rearrange work schedules to work on our marriage. I know that you all do not know the dynamics of my situation and every relationship is different. I actually told her I would quit my job and would work at McDonals if I needed to to work on our marriage. She was willing to leave her job and stay at home and spend more time with our daughter and myself until we could get back on the same page in our marriage. She put in her notice and a week before she was to leave, she told me that she wasn't ready to quit. I said no problem, but we really should try & make time to see each other more even if it were one more day or night for ourselves. Everything went down hill from there. She started getting angry & mean to me & about a month or so later she said we need to separate. Well, a week after we separated she started seeing a guy that drives in from Knoxville to Nashville 170 miles away each day to pick up a load of computers (where she works) to take to back to Knoxville (where he also lives). She is 24, he's 42 twice divorced, with a few kids, Im a 35, devoted, loving husband, a good father and provider. I am by no means perfect or saying I am a great catch, but I was a good husband who treated her great, lovingly, listened, sent flowers, told her I loved her ten times a day, etc, and likely an upgrade from what she left me for. I know you only have one side of the story here, but I will admit that this is pretty accurate even coming from my hurt point of view. She blames me for everything and anything & says that she doesnt love me like she did and when our daughter was born she changed. I always treated her well, dont cheat, yell, abuse her. I told her I loved her at least 10 times a day. I send flowers and I am responsible. Asked her to go to counselling and she said no. It has been 2 months since I moved out and she says that she may be falling in love with this guy, which kills me. She talks to me like she hates me now and has so much anger towards me for no reason. I am sure the blame and the anger towards me is a way for her to feel better about what she is doing. I tried everything and cried while litterally begging her to work on our marriage and she sighed and got angry that I told her that I loved her and missed her. I am not a pushover and don't cry often, but I do believe that marriage and commitment are forever and not easy. Again, I am not saying at all that I am a perfect husband, but I was very good to her and treated her well. Is the blame she is puting on me normal? She has no friends at all and has had only bad relationships in the past until she and I met. Her mother conditioned her poorly by preaching to her growing up that her and her fathers marriage was miserable and that she should never stay in a marriage if it is not perfect, which is unrealsitic for sure. I imagine that she will have to realize that the "Grass is not greener on the other side". I believe she took the easy way out by pushing marriage issues aside to be with someone that tells her great things. I do accept responsibility, but she is laying the blame on heavier every day which she is trying to keep herself angry at me I guess. It would be easier without a child in the picture, so I have to speak with her. I try to keep the topic on our daughter but it somehow turns into her getting angry over absolutely nothing. I miss her and love her completely and I am devastated and lost. I am trying to find strength to move on but I have had many tear filled nights missing her and my daughter. Any advice would be great. I did file for divorce last week. Sorry for the lengthy post. Any advice would be great, thanks.
tikigods Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I'm guessing a lot of her anger stems from the fact that you guys didn't get a lot of time to be together before she got pregnant and then got married. At this point there is only so much you can do, and if she is unwilling to work things out with you then its time to look into cutting your losses and find someone that wants to be with you.
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 As much as I am affraid that is where things are headed, I believe you are right. Sad and painful, but it is life and there are a lot of more appreciative fish in the sea. Thanks
tikigods Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I feel bad for you, you have tried just over and over again and she just isn't willing to get help. Plus with her and the other guy getting together I wouldn't wait around to pick her up when she is let down (cause chances are she iwll try to keep you on the sidelines) get out now and find someone that wants to have a real relationship with you
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