brokenhearteddad Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 My wife leftme for a mand who lives 170 miles away. She works for a company that is contracted by a big computer manufacturer here in Nashville. He drives a truck and comes in every day from Knoxville (170 miles away) to pick up a load of computers and takes them back to Knoxville where he lives and his company is based out of. My wife has to talk to truck drivers to make sure they know the guidelines for not stopping with the high dollar loads. She sometimes has to follow them without them knowing to make sure they do not stop for 200 miles. My wife and I have been married less than a year and when our daughter was born 11 months ago, we started working opposite shifts (me on days her on nights). We saw eachother 5 minutes a day before she left for work. She would see thi driver each day at work and started talking to him and of course she started to pull away from me. He is twice her age, twice divorced with three kids and she has our daughter. A few weeks ago she said she may be falling for him, she said "I', not saying I am, I'm not saying I'm not". I know what that means! So, the see each other everyday when he comes to get his load and they usually get something to eat and talk. Either she drives to Knoxville for a day when I have our daughter or he drives here to Nashville (about a 3 hour drive). She complains to me that she doesn't have much money to spare, but she will drive 340 miles for a day. I am looking for objective, honest thoughts on this. My wife and I have been separated for about a month. Here is a link to the post of my story. Please read my post to get an idea of my sitaution, it is pretty crappy. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142912/
a_torn_novagirl Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) I read your link, and it sounds like she's been messing with this guy for quite awhile. How could she ask for a separation, then start dating someone a week later? Not to stir up any trouble, but the letters DNA are floating around my head. She says things have changed since you guys have had your daughter, maybe things have changed because your daughter might not be yours. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but stop and think for a second. Things like this happen everyday around the world, you might be one of those people who thinks it's not going to happen to you....it's possible. Your wife can't see that you're the best thing that has happened to her. Most women are blind when it comes to a good man, and when your gone she'll realize what she missed out on. To her this guy might be mysterious, because he's so far away, and she may feel that it's romantic the way him and her met. If I were you, I wouldn't be talking to her about anything but your daughter. I understand that you might want to know about this man (he is with your wife), but let it go. I'm not saying let the relationship go, but give her some space. Don't become a third wheel in her relationship, only call her when you want to check on her daughter, and don't help her out. Let her new man help her, if your daughter isn't included into a conversation....cut it real short. I like to be honest with people, and I hope I was honest with you. I hope you don't take this information the wrong way; I might be totally wrong, but I've seen relationships like this before. (Please don't start accusing her of cheating, get your facts straight before you jump to conclusions.) Good luck!! Edited February 3, 2008 by a_torn_novagirl
TMichaels Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I read your post on the other thread, and though you did provide more details, what sort of advice were you hoping to receive here in the LDR forum? Best, TMichaels
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I was hoping to get an objective third party input on whether you might think their relationship is one that may work since it is long distance. She is my wife and we have a new child. I know she has emotional issues and is laying alot of anger and blame on me and I will accept it for the sake of the big picture. I am leaving her be to let her do her thing with him, but it is tough of course. I am not at all in their business but do love my wife and will accept her back if she is willing to go to couselling and address some issues. But first I am not sure how or if her long distance relationship is one that may work.
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I read your link, and it sounds like she's been messing with this guy for quite awhile. How could she ask for a separation, then start dating someone a week later? Not to stir up any trouble, but the letters DNA are floating around my head. She says things have changed since you guys have had your daughter, maybe things have changed because your daughter might not be yours. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but stop and think for a second. Things like this happen everyday around the world, you might be one of those people who thinks it's not going to happen to you....it's possible. Your wife can't see that you're the best thing that has happened to her. Most women are blind when it comes to a good man, and when your gone she'll realize what she missed out on. To her this guy might be mysterious, because he's so far away, and she may feel that it's romantic the way him and her met. If I were you, I wouldn't be talking to her about anything but your daughter. I understand that you might want to know about this man (he is with your wife), but let it go. I'm not saying let the relationship go, but give her some space. Don't become a third wheel in her relationship, only call her when you want to check on her daughter, and don't help her out. Let her new man help her, if your daughter isn't included into a conversation....cut it real short. I like to be honest with people, and I hope I was honest with you. I hope you don't take this information the wrong way; I might be totally wrong, but I've seen relationships like this before. (Please don't start accusing her of cheating, get your facts straight before you jump to conclusions.) Good luck!! Thank you for the honesty, I do appreciate it greatly. Fortunately, my daughter looks exactly like me in just about every way. There is no doubt that she is mine. Looking back it has been about 5 or so months a go, she said that I called her and texted her too much at work, which was never a problem at all. I think that is when she started to see him. Just my thought.
TMichaels Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) I was hoping to get an objective third party input on whether you might think their relationship is one that may work since it is long distance. She is my wife and we have a new child. I know she has emotional issues and is laying alot of anger and blame on me and I will accept it for the sake of the big picture. I am leaving her be to let her do her thing with him, but it is tough of course. I am not at all in their business but do love my wife and will accept her back if she is willing to go to couselling and address some issues. But first I am not sure how or if her long distance relationship is one that may work. Impossible to say. Some LDRs work, others do not, just like those where the two parties live close by. To be honest, it sounds like you are hoping for affirmation that odds are her LDR will fall apart and she'll then come running back to you. I wouldn't put my eggs in that basket were I you. She just as easily could dump her current love interest for someone else -- and by that, I don't necessarily mean you. From what you posted on the other thread, I suspect there's something more going on between you two. It just doesn't make sense that all of a sudden you're the devil incarnate. She is only 24 -- perhaps that could be part of it. She may be looking for a father figure -- you and the LDR guy could be filling that role, solely based on the age difference, so that could be contributing to the problem, too. Perhaps she found being married, a young mother and trying to juggle a job too overwhelming. Or, maybe she was pining for her foot-loose and fancy-free days before she had to deal with "all this grown-up stuff," who knows? Yes, she is the mother of your child, but she's not the only fish in the sea. There are plenty out there that are much more deserving and stable, which is what you and your daughter need in your lives -- not a drama queen. If I were you, I'd do everything possible to ensure your daughter's safety and well-being, go ahead with filing for divorce, quit hoping one day she'll come to her senses, and get on with your own life instead of messing with what sounds like someone who's got a lot of growing up to do. Best, TMichaels Edited February 3, 2008 by TMichaels
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 That is great advice thank you. I appreciate the honesty as well. It is sometimes tough to hear, but good to hear as well. There actually was not a whole lot more going on in our relationship that was bad. We bought a house and worked on it a lot. We both did a lot of work on it together. We did not fight or argue much at all. I sent flowers to her for no reason about twice a month, left her notes and letters every day telling her I loved her, etc. It was all around, pretty good, but apparently there was something not so good that caused her to leave. Anyway, thanks for the help. Aaron
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