Replicant Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Problem is, she lives across the country. It's an LDR. When she left she was talking as though she might move here, but now she's probably not. If things are still questionable and there is no set time frame for getting together geographically in the future. To many things are left uncertain with LDR's. Where as this girl is physically there, and making it known she's interested. Not an opportunity to be wasted compared to a drawn out LDR.
Author amerikajin Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 Friend With Long Distance Benefits? Like the benefit of jerking off over Skype messages? I don't know either. First thing, on your comment "I haven't even told this new girl that I have a girlfriend, not because I'm hiding anything but because it just never came up." Are you being totally honest with yourself on that? You have noticed that she is attracted to you, you have noticed your own attraction to her, and you have failed to mention that you're seeing someone. The reason I ask is because I had a similar situation where I was in your shoes (hot guy flirting with me while my SO wasn't there), and I discussed it with my SO, and at first I wouldn't admit to him that I'd been flirting (if only passively), that I'd done anything to contribute to being flirted with, I kept framing it as just something that happened to me. He zeroed in on the fact that I hadn't mentioned that I had a SO, and I kept insisting "it just didn't come up" or "I didn't want to just blurt it out and make things uncomfortable" -- but eventually I came to realize those were just excuses. I liked the attention and didn't want it to stop, whereas with other guys I wasn't attracted to, I had no problems casually mentioning my attached status. Other things.. you describe your LD girl as "cute, smart, sweet and I respect her in a lot of ways". And the other girl as "extraordinarily attractive", "really smart", "breathtakingly beautiful", etc. Just from your use of adjectives I'd say you already know which one you're more into... Based on how long you've known your LD girlfriend, and that you sound more like you simply like her than you're really into her, I'd say break things off and test the waters with the new girl... if not with her, I would bet you will with someone else in the future, unless your LD relationship changes dramatically and becomes more intense. Honestly, the fact that I have been seeing someone else just hasn't come up in conversation. For one thing, I really don't ever feel the need to just blurt out that I'm dating someone unless there's a reason to. To give you a little added background, the local girl and I are both grad students and we cross paths a lot but it has only literally been in the past week that I have felt like it was more than just casual flirting coming my way. That's why I didn't bother to mention anything about the girl I've been seeing/chatting with. But you nailed it about the levels of attraction. I must confess that in some ways, I find the newer girl more attractive. I know the inevitable question is, why did you hook up with someone you're only kinda interested in? Well, I wasn't kinda interested in her at first, and I still do like her. I guess another thing is that, I just did not see any of this coming. I thought the whole dating scene here was dead anyway (I live in a small town). I never really got into any of the women I was meeting and working with on a regular basis except for one, but she was a tad too young for me in the end. I know I can't be the first person who's hooked up with one girl, only to find someone else who comes around just a little bit later who really gets inside your head. And jeez, not to toot my own horn but it seems like lately girls have been coming out of the woodwork. I couldn't get a sniff of interest a few months ago. What's with that? Are girls just hornier in Winter?
Nemo Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 And jeez, not to toot my own horn but it seems like lately girls have been coming out of the woodwork. I couldn't get a sniff of interest a few months ago. What's with that? You're just coming across as a whole lot less desperate. Women can sniff that like a shark can smell blood.
Author amerikajin Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 You're just coming across as a whole lot less desperate. Women can sniff that like a shark can smell blood. Actually, I didn't really try to hook up with anyone in and around my campus. Was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me, in fact. Whatever. Even if I don't get caught, I don't feel good about misleading someone about our status when I'm out trolling for other girls. I don't know, but I think I'm just going to wait and see what happens with the first girl. I want to be sure that there's no chance of anything happening before I write her off.
Mary3 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Honestly if it were me.... I would go for the sure thing.. break up with the LDR and start dating the girl who is geographically closer to you.. You did mention that your LDR isn't going to move closer to you.. problem solved.. she solved it for you I could not have said it better than Art
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