micahmo77 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) I am so greatful I found this site, you all are such wonderful people. Its so theraputic to just read that others are going through the exact same thing. I posted another post earlier today, pretty lengthy but describes exactly how things went. Its been about 3 days now since I caught her at another guys house and busted her out in front of him. Told the guy everything also, he didnt know anything about the fact she had a boyfriend for four years which is me. I showed up at his house as they were leaving together. I was absolutely crushed and destroyed. How could do this to me after we went on a trip together 3 days prior. The whole trip we talked about working things out and that she loved me. Even talked about getting married and where we wanted the wedding. I knew before the trip she cheated on me with the same guy, but me being blinded by love forgave her and took her back to try and make things work, a fresh start. The next day we get back she tells me she dosent feel the same way toward me and that she loves me but not in love. That she needs a break and time to figure out what she wants, whether it be me or she didnt say it but probably if she wants her new guy shes only known for two months. How can she throw 4 years down the drain for some new guy. We were best friends and she was a part of me. I know her so well that I could feel what she felt it seems. She even said yes when I proposed to her a few weeks ago, just to take off her ring and say shes confused and still went out with this guy. I feel like I dont even know her anymore, I cant believe she could be this heartless and cruel. I love and loved her with all my heart, I wanted to marry this girl and start a family. I am so confused and hurt, I just lie in bed listening to songs that remind me of her. All I want to do is sleep and pull myself from not calling her. Even after all this I would still give her another chance. I just want her to come back and say how sorry she is and how she screwed up. To say how much she misses me and that she realizes I was the one for her. This sucks so bad, another night of misery without my babe. Should I just not call and leave her be to do her thing, hoping she will contact me? Any advice would be great, thanks guys. Edited February 2, 2008 by micahmo77
sedgwick Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 The very best thing you can possibly do right now is not contact her. You really do have to give her time to miss you. She knows how you feel and she knows where to find you if she wants to come back. It sucks, I know, but it really does get easier. After a while, like a few months, of NC, you don't want to wreck your progress. I've also been faithful about not looking at his website or myspace or anything. I just don't want to know. Of course I get curious, but given the circumstances, the best thing I can do is stay away. You have the strength to do it. Post here every day if you need to. I PROMISE NC is the right thing to do!
Author micahmo77 Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 Thank you so much, I needed that boost of NC confidence. It sucks and I can just hope she will start to miss me.
mistie03 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 The worst thing you can do right now is call her. I have been through this and I know that it is awful. My ex-husband cheated while I was pregnant. I thought I would die of a broken heart. The more I called him, the more he rejected me. He thought that he was God's gift to the world because 2 women wanted him. The only time that he acted like he cared about me was when I stuck with NC. If I wouldn't answer the phone, he would come and find me. After the baby was born, it took some time to actually get the creep out of my life.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Im sorry you are going through this micahmo. I definately feel your pain. I am going through something that is a little similar to you. in the beginning it is very hard , but trust me it will get better, a lot better.. I find myself thinking about my ex at work, on the train, in the car, just wherever, and I will start to get very teary eyed. Everyday I place my phone in eye view when im at work , and everyday i hope that he would call. So i know exactly what your going through. Dont contact her at all. I know its hard but do everything you can to get your mind off of her. And if you get that sutton urge to contact her, think about it first. and think about her actions. If you keep letting her do things and you take her back then she is going to play on that. She will have the mentality that she can treat you like dirt , and you will forgive her and come running back. Dont let her have you on the verge on an emotional roller coaster. Dont call her , stand strong on NC!
prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 You only want her because she is chosing the other guy right now. Because your in so much pain. Lets say she came back and cried and said how sorry she was. For a while you'd be so happy. Then over the next few months or years, you'd start to doubt your decision. You'd look at her differently. Things wouldn't be the same between you to. The trust has been broken, the purity gone. I could be wrong, but really think about it. Does this make sence? Do you really think things could be ever be the same between you two? I would love to get your honest response, because I kind of know what your going through. I was the one who made the terrible act. We were engaged. I freaked out over the engagement and cheated. It was a one night thing. I felt horrible, but knew the right thing was to tell him. So I did, immediately. We fought, cried...we continued on with the engagement. I went to therapy, he joined me. We went separate and together. We journaled, talked, did the hard work. Months past and I thought we would really make it past this. He knows how sorry I am. He knows I'd never do that again. I learned from my mistake. Then he came home one night after work, 3 months later and said, he just can't do it. He left. I was devestated. The next week he came back. Said he couldn't live without me. I was so happy. We kept going to counseling. Then he did it again, he left. Said he just doesn't see me the same way as before. I have been crushed ever since. That was 2 months ago. I still go to counseling. I'm a new person now and want to give him my new heart. He just can't do it. We did talk every once in a while, until 5 days ago, now there's NC. I am so broken hearted. I know I deserve this pain and what I did was horrible and if I could take it back I would. I've never done such a thing in all my life. I know if he could forgive me, we would be stronger in the end. But he can't. Now, that's my story and maybe you are different than he is. I just wonder if it really is possible for someone to really forgive this kind of act. We were best friends and we were madly in love. Now, I know people would say, if you were really in love you would have never done that, but all I can say is, I'm human and I made a mistake. I know that doesn't make it right, but I still can't believe I did it. Oh, the pain I've caused. One moment I'm planning my life and future with this great man and the next I'm on LS crying out in pain all alone on a Friday night. But this is my consequence for my actions.
Author micahmo77 Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 I really appreciate the help to you all who responded. Its nice to know there are others out there going through exactly the same thing where we are able to talk and lift each other up. It sucks so bad, I woke up at 4 in the morning just wanting to call her so bad and tell her how much I miss her and love her. I feel like a frigin train wreck and she dosent even know the pain shes putting me through. I understand the NC is suppossed to help you in the long run and make you get over everything. The thing is for what if my bestfriend is not there with me, I feel like she just died or something. To prisonbreak, I know what your saying that can someone really forgive someone else for doing those things. I believe it would be so hard at first but eventually if you love enough and communicate I think it could be worked out. I have a religious background and I know that god can heal any wounds if you both let him. I just want her to give me one more chance to show her how I can forgive and move on together. Thanks again all, your great
Belkin Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) I know this is helping me out right now, so I thought I'd share it with you. A great way to prevent you from calling or instant messenging your ex-gf/bf is simply to delete them from your contact list. That way, if you feel the need to call or txt, you will have to conciously add their number/address again, and hopefully that will make you realize that it's maybe not such a good idea after all. I know before I did that I called and txted a few times, to later deeply regret it. Now that I don't have her cell # or MSN address anymore, when I want to contact her badly, I know I will have to add her again to my contacts list first, and that simple delay has so far prevented me from contacting her again... I know that if I truely needed to contact her, I could always get her # from our our common friends again, and I know her MSN by heart. So it's just a small obstacle, but it's served it's purpose for me so far. Edited February 2, 2008 by Belkin
prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 micahmo77, I've always thought the same thing; that if you love someone enough and communicate you can make it through. I guess he just wasn't the one for me. I have to let it go. Your a strong man. I agree, that with God's help you can forgive, as he has forgiven us. Your right on target there. As for you, NC is in your best interest. For a few reasons, time away from you will be the only way she'll come to realize she messed up. If you contact her, it delays her processing. 2nd, she needs to be remorseful. If you contact her, your saying it's ok what she did. I thought I was sorry immediately (and I was), but as time without him went by, I dug deeper into my behavior and was more remorseful than before (even though I didnt know that was possible to feel even worse). But, if you want a chance for this to work out, you can't contact her at all what so ever! One day with NC could be one day sooner you 2 are together. I don't want to give you false hope, but I do know they usually don't come back when you're contacting.
Author micahmo77 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 Prisonbreak and Belkin Thanks for the advice, I thought about doing the deleting the number thing but for some reason I cant bring myself to do it quite yet. As far as giving her space, Im attempting that now but just wonder if my previous begging, crying, pleading behavior has ruined my chances completely. NC is what I have to keep saying to myself. Thanks guys
prisonbreak Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Personally, I don't think the previous pleading, crying and begging did too much damage. To me (as a girl) it showed you cared and were willing to give it all you had and were willing to put yourself out there. Now, by NC you send the message, "hey I care, but I also put myself 1st". Your actions from here on out are what matter.
Audg1964 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Wow man! I cannot even imagine how awful that must have been for you. That really sucks. However, think about it. If you did get married, would she always be a cheater? You know what girls say? Once a cheater, always a cheater. She doesn't deserve you. She will come running back to you when this guy drops her and she will majorly regret what she did and realize that there's no way she can fix it. So long as you keep your NC going, because, in a month from now, you'll realize you're better off. Be kind and gentle to yourself right now. Do things you enjoy and try to stay happy. Spoil yourself! You deserve it!
Author micahmo77 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 Just want to say thank you to all you guys who replied. Your really great people remember that. Happy Sunday!
prisonbreak Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Micahmo, any updates? For some reason Im still hung up on the trip we just got back from. Is it still bothering you? He dropped me off from the airport Last Sunday night (27th) and that's the last I've heard from him. I don't get it...how can u spend 7 days together and then never hear from them again. Is it me, or is that just rude? Mixed in with immaturity? What the heck.
Author micahmo77 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Posted February 6, 2008 Hey Prisonbreak, hope your doing better than me. I am on day 7 of the NC and still havent heard anything from my ex. I know what you mean about the trip. We went a week as well on a trip like I told you, then to just be shot down the day after we get back. Im so stinking down still, I alomst broke down and called her today. I cant handle spending 4 years with someone and a great vacation together, plus being engaged. Now to just not even call me, WTF, how can someone be so callous. Well stay strong prisonbreak, thats what I keep telling myself.
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