Any suggestions, Im crushed! my heart and bestfriend broke it off with me

[micahmo77]

Im glad I found this site, so many others are going through the same misery of being the dumpee. Its an awful feeling that I wish would just go away, all I want is her.

So im absolutely devastated, crushed and heart is broken. My girlfriend of four years broke it off with me, well then said she needed time and a break after I cried and pleaded for her to not break it off. I feel like such a pathetic loser, was begging and looking like a complete weiner.

We had been together for four years and lived together for two. She means the world to me because I met her at an intense part of my life which made her special, of course for other reasons as well.

She moved in with me leaving her family and friends to start a life with me in a completely different city she knew nothing about. Basically she wanted a commitment out of me and for me to show her how much I wanted her in my life. For the two years I never asked her to marry me and took over a year to introduce her to my family and son. To me thats a big step and I didnt know if I was ready at the time. However I eventually did all those things but maybe alittle to late in her mind. I loved her dearly but im the type of guy that maybe didnt show it as much as she thought I should have. I think I might have pushed her away because she was always very clingy and wanted my every step. I told her not to be so needy and that she was pushing me away. I did love her dearly though, cooked for her everynight, trips, cleaned, fun times did most of the grocery shopping etc. We have done so much together, many memories and pictures. Of course we had our rough times as well, but made it through all of them which to some would show how strong our love was for each other.

To make a long story short she ended moving out and back up to where she came from which is about 2 hours from where I live. I actually told her months back that she needed to move because my religious mom didnt aprove of the living situation, plus I had to go away to a military school for about a year. At that point I believe is when she decided to move on with her life without me, shutting me out in her heart but still being present in our house. I remember when she layed on the bed crying her eyes out during this time, probably because that was her decision to move on in her heart. Guess because she made all her sacrifices to move in with me to just kick her to the curb when things that I needed to do had to be done. I did however tell her to go with me to North Carolina to the school with me but she didnt want to.

So to make it short we had some falling out periods before she moved out and when she moved out. Found out she was cheating on me during this time of me telling her to move, etc. Its been about a month since she moved out and I know she has been messing with another guy. I did call her out on it and she cried and admitted to everything. We tried to make a new start and we flew to Hawaii for a trip to bring back our love. Came back and the next day she said she was not in love with me but still loved me. She said her feelings werent the same anymore and that she needed time and a break to find out if its me she really misses. She still would call me once a day or me to her. Then I found out she went to go visit that guy again, I caught her at his house but didnt make a scene. I just told him everything and that she had been lying to him as well. She just kept telling me to leave etc. so I did and havent had any contact since, that was 3 days ago.

I know what everyone will say, just get rid of her and that she moved on. But why would she still go on the trip with me and admit to me everything, telling me she needed space etc. I know shes confused and I know I can still forgive the cheating because this isnt her. Im so sad right now, cant eat or sleep. All I see is her and her face, her laugh and smile, her playing with her cat that I still have here at the house. I miss this girl with all my heart and I feel I cant even function, this crap sucks. She has destroyed me and all I want to do is call her or go to her house to talk things over. I know she sees how much I love her. I even proposed to her a while back and she said yes, but being confused she shut herself off from me and things got worse.

Im assuming I should do the NC thing at all until she realizes she misses what she had. Is that the best thing, because I just cant let her go, I love her with all my heart. Does the NC thing work like how everyone swears by it on this site? does it make them wonder what your doing and make them miss you more to where they contact you. We were supposed to do something for valentines day but now???? I have a bunch of pictures from our trip and her mail I want to give her but should I wait awhile to give them to her. Maybe even write her a letter along with giving her the stuff. Im so freakin confused right now, I feel like this is consuming me. Sorry for being so long with the story but just would like some advice.

Edited February 2, 2008 by micahmo77

[prisonbreak]

I know I keep replying to you, but I didn't notice this thread til just now and it sounds like my situation a little. He left Dec 1st. and we've had a little bit of contact. We booked a trip back in Nov (when we were still together, engaged, and trying to work things out) to go to Mx. When he left it was obvious we were not going on the trip. Well, to make a long story short, we ended up going. It was Jan 20-27. We had fun, talked, cried, relaxed...over all it was good. But since the return of the trip he hasn't called or anything. It's so hurtful. How can you go on a trip with someone for 7 days and never talk to them again. Was I that bad to be around? My self-esteem is shot right now. I even wondered found myself thinking, I must have really looked disgusting in my bikini. I've been a wreck over this and I'm not going to break down and call him. During the trip he sent me so many mixed signals it's crazy. I just don't get it.

 

I know your dealing with your own heartache and I'm sorry to burden you with my problem when your in so much pain right now too.

 

NC is the way to go!

[micahmo77]

I appreciate the reply prisonbreak. Sounds like our stories our quite similar. Seriously, how can they do that to us after going on a trip having a great time just to treat us like trash when its over. Im pretty postive it had nothing to do with how you looked in a bikini so dont even stress yourself out on that one. I know what your going through though, I felt the same way. Is she comparing me to this other guy, am I not goodlooking enough to her anymore. WTF, I mean we even made love on our trip dosent that mean anything to her. I have gone over every scenerio in my head over and over, what if this or that, what did I do, it sucks. Hopefully our NC rule will bring us answers and a happy ending.

[micahmo77]

I noticed the time you went on your trip with your ex. We went on our trip almost the same time. Except we went to Hawaii, what a waste!! I mean seriously dont you think that they would get convicted about how they dogged us after an experince like that. They have to see that their making a mistake. Guess thats where the NC comes in so they will realize.

[prisonbreak]

Your right! If someone can spend 24/7 with someone, they have to have some feelings, right? I know I would never spend 7 days with some man I didn't have feelings for, would you? So, eventually their feelings will catch up with them once they stop running from them. They stop running from those feelings once we stop chasing them (through NC). When there is NC, only then can they process their feelings. So, they need this time as much as we do. Keep strong. And if they don't ever realize, then there is nothing we can do. That's the hard part, being so powerless. But we can have power of our own lives...lets focus on that!