prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Has anyone else done this? I keep writing an email and save it in my drafts folder of what I'm going to say to him if he contacts me. I feel like I'm crazy. I hope it's part of my therapy, but is it really? I get new feelings throughout the day and go back to the letter and revise it over and over. I've been doing this for 4 days now. I fear he'll never contact me and I won't be able to send it. The email just states that I'm done and to not contact me anymore. Isn't that rediculous? I'm writing a letter to someone, telling him not to contact me, when he isn't!!!! I'm loosing it big time...or am I? Obviously, I really do want him to contact me and i don't want the relationship to be over. But if it's really over and he's never going to come back, then I want to go out with a little dignity.
wizer Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Nope. Nothing wrong with it at all. That's why many relationship forums have an "unsent letters" section, where members can write down what they want to say to their ex. It gets it out of your head and onto paper, so it isn't circulating around your head with quite so much intensity. Keep right on doing it, but don't send it.
eagle5 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I agree Wizer, I've read alot of books on the subject and they all say to write a letter to your ex BUT never send it, it is good therapy and don't think you are loosing it prisonbreak, you are doing the right thing.... Good luck...
EYECANDY000 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Theres nothing wrong with that. Its best if you write out your emotions that way you dont leave anything out. But why send the email stating that you dont want them to contact you, but you really do? If thats the case you need to revise your email again, and tell them you would still love to be friends. Dont tell him that you dont want him to contact you any more because guess what ? thats what hes going to do!!!!!
wizer Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 If thats the case you need to revise your email again, and tell them you would still love to be friends. Not quite sure what you mean in your post, but being friends with an ex rarely if ever works out. In the short run it might fill part of the void, in the long run it causes a whole lot of unnecessary pain.
Lonestar Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 The best way you can go out with dignity is to not send the email. Ignore him. It's over. Let it be.
Lee725 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Has anyone else done this? Isn't that rediculous? I'm writing a letter to someone, telling him not to contact me, when he isn't!!!! I'm loosing it big time...or am I? Obviously, I really do want him to contact me and i don't want the relationship to be over. But if it's really over and he's never going to come back, then I want to go out with a little dignity. Yep I've done it. I found it to be good therapy. Once i stopped the "unsent" letters, i found a journal to help immensely.
Author prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 eye candy, ur right I want to send an email telling him not to contact me, even though I really want him to. He's had me on an emotional roller coaster for 6 mos now and the past 2 mos have been worse. Tons of mixed signals. He doesn't want to be with me, but can't commit to No either. I've been a puppy dog wallowing at his feet. I want him to contact so I can tell him to take a hike. Obviously he has effected my self esteem and knows it....look at me, I'm a mess! But I definately don't want to be his friend.
Author prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 And btw, thanks for all the feedback. I thought I was going insane...lol Especially since the email starts off saying, "I can't believe you have the nerve to contact me"...I laugh everytime I read that, cause HE HASN'T CONTACTED ME. I can't wait to come back to these threads in 6 mos with a glass of wine and laugh my *ss off reading my posts. Thanks everyone.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 And btw, thanks for all the feedback. I thought I was going insane...lol Especially since the email starts off saying, "I can't believe you have the nerve to contact me"...I laugh everytime I read that, cause HE HASN'T CONTACTED ME. I can't wait to come back to these threads in 6 mos with a glass of wine and laugh my *ss off reading my posts. Thanks everyone. Glad you can laugh about it. Stay on top of that NC!!! heres a hug especially for you prisobreak........... \:lmao:/
Author prisonbreak Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) I decided to post my current email to him on here. I couldn't find a thread on here to put unsent emails/letters. So, this is me releasing this letter. To clear up details; my children are not his, they are from my previous marriage (their dad past away 4 yrs ago). John left me 2 months ago, because of what I did. I'm at fault here, my mistake was 6 months ago. So when I say "you cant commit to yes and cant commit to no", I talking about wanting to say "yes, lets try to make this work" or "No, I can't, I'm done". He just left, but keeps me stringing along. Giving me mixed signals. like going weeks without contact, then calling me crying and wanting me to console him. Telling me how strong we are going to be, then not calling for weeks. Saying he bought me a b-day present then never giving it to me. Telling me maybe this time next year we'll be married and then the next day, telling me to date other people. Btw, we were engaged. Jon- I can't even believe you are contacting me. Please, if you loved me at all, just leave me alone. I wish you nothing but the best in your future and hope you find your blessing in all of this. Thank you for being a soul mate to me. I do believe in soul mates and I know you were one to me. You touched a place in my heart deeper than I thought I was capable of reaching, but that love I felt was just the beginning, it was just a taste. You were a mirror and showed me everything that was holding me back and brought things to my attention so I could change. A soul mate is probably the most important person you can ever meet, because they tear down walls and wake you up. Soul mates comes into your life to reveal another layer of yourself. Unfortunately, not all soul mates stay together. So, please just leave me and the boys alone. We'll be fine and I know you will be too. I want to take with me the good memories we shared. I don't want to end up hating you, so let's just end it where it's at. Unfortunately we can never be friends. I don't want to have anymore contact and I hope you understand. Everyday that goes by without contact, is one day closer to getting over you and the memory of you fades. I can't keep having set backs. It's been hard, but it's making me a stronger person. It's a shame that you couldn't decide to make this work, but that's not within my control. I've realized a lot about you thru the way you've been handling things the past few months and if this continues I'm going to have a permanent lasting impression of you. Lately I've been viewing you as insensitive, a liar, selfish, immature, etc...And those are not your qualities. I want things to end on a note of who I remember, not as an ugly person, a person who is bitter and sits around licking his wounds. If we keep communicating that’s what's going to come of it. Character is determined by what you do in crisis, not what you do in comfort. I can't be a part of who you are anymore. So, let me just keep the memories of who you were when times were good between us; loving, kind, gentle, forgiving, giving, selfless, sensitive, mature, good role model for the boys and full of character. Let me take those things with me and try to forget the past characteristics you've revealed to me. The bottom line is, you can't commit to "No" and you can't commit to "yes". I hope I made this a lot easier for you. Hopefully one day you'll know what you really really want. I hope God blesses you beyond your dreams, Sarah Edited February 2, 2008 by prisonbreak
dropdeadlegs Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I write letters (the pen and paper sort) even during relationships, but more when the y end. I write when I am hurt or confused because it allows me to get my thoughts together and not go ape**** emotional on an actual person. I rarely send the letters but definitely find them therapeutic. You're not at all insane.
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