No interest or a test of wills?

[Balthazar]

Greeting to everybody!

I need some advice with a young lady that I have recently been re-acquainted with.

I first met Susan in October 2005, when we were both in an amateur theater group. During the course of the year, we would do all sorts of exercises and I got to know her a bit(although not very well).In January 2006, I invited her to a party which I usually throw annually and she said she would come with her boyfriend but later called to cancel. Towards the end of the year, Susan started to show a bit more interest in me, asking questions like if I was in a relationship(I wasn't), my age etc.

She was about 25 at the time, while I was 35. Our age difference never came up as topic, although I remember her commenting that she now likes older men, which she didn't in the past.

Anyway, the theater group activities winded down to a close in June 2006, and we all decided to go to a local bar and have a few drinks to celebrate the end of the year. Susan offered to give me a ride to the bar in her car but I replied that I had wheels of my own. Later at the bar I hooked up with her and everybody else in the group, but as the night progressed, Susan just seemed to be hanging out with me and nobody else. During this time she kept using positive body language with lots of touching and frequent rubs of her body against mine. Our discussion touched many subjects but I remember her telling me about her relationship. She said she had met her BF when she was 18 and that they have been together up to now(remember this is June 2006). She said that he wanted to get married, but she felt she wasn't ready. She also mentioned that she had split up with him at the age of 23 because she "wanted to meet other men" in her own words.

I didn't know how to interpret this. It seemed like she was clearly flirting with me and showing interest, yet kept speaking about her BF too. So, I did nothing. We said goodbye for the evening and she asked me to call her if the theater group got together during summer for a party or something.

Later that summer I someone and started a relationship which lasted for about a year and a half so I sort of forgot about her.

I gave her a call in September 2006 to tell her some news and then I just sent an SMS on New years that December wishing her the best. In November 2007 I split up with my girlfriend and in December 2007, I sent Susan another SMS wishing her ,again, a Happy New year for 2008.

In mid January I decided to have a party to celebrate my birthday, and I called Susan up to invite her.I assumed she would still be with her BF, but as I was now single and wanted to see her, I thought why not?

My only real communication with her was 2 SMS messages but I felt there was an attraction there. When I called her, Susan seemed glad to hear from me, and said she would come to the party. I got the distinct impression from the way she spoke that she would not be bringing her BF. She called just before the party, which was on January 26, to say she would bring a female friend with her.

She shows up at the party last Saturday, and she looked just as good as ever. Her friend is OK too, and I introduce her to people at the party. She knows only a few of them though, mostly those who used to be in the theater group with her. During the party, I socialize with all my guests and try to be a good host, put I keep returning to Susan and we talk a bit. She is a whip smart and very sociable, but also a bit stuck up and possibly, demanding. During the party, I notice her socializing with 2-3 men, and she and her friend(whose name is Martha), seem to be enjoying themselves. We converse a bit, and I joke about being a few years younger than her. She replies that she is quite a bit younger than I am9she is now 27, i am 37), but also gives other positive signs like compliments on my looks and height(I am quite taller than she is).At some point, an older guy at the party(about 45) makes a move and asks her to dance but she refuses. I also ask her to dance later but she demurely replies that she is too shy to dance in front of people she doesn't know. I opt not to press her on this. However, a pretty 20 year old friend of mine(Leia) is also at this party, and I started talking with her quite a bit. It seemed that Susan was checking me out peripherally all night, and at some point, something significant happens. I was sitting with Leia on the couch, and Susan passes us on her way to the bathroom. When she came back, I was still talking with Leia and Susan just walks past, stops, smiles at me and strokes my arm tenderly and smiles. Leia was not pleased at all, and I think Susan was giving out some sort of message to me(Jealousy perhaps?). Anyway, Susan and her friend left at around 2 o'clock, explaining that she had a baptism to go to on Sunday morning. As she was leaving, I told her that I'd call and that we should go out to dinner. She seemed OK with this and then left.

A few days pass and I call her last Thursday(January 31). I call at 8:30 and she seems happy to hear from me. However, we were speaking via cell phone and her signal was breaking up. I told her I'd call in 10 minutes.

I call 15 minutes later but no reply.

I call her again at 9:30 and she picks up. She apologizes for not picking up and "swears" that she was about to call me but that I had beat her to it. I let it slide and ask her out to dinner on Saturday(which is tomorrow). She says she would like to go, but is not certain if she can because a friend is visiting her from out of town and she doesn't know if the friend will come on Monday or Saturday. If her friend comes on Saturday, she can't go out with me because she will have to show her friend around town(her friend is female). She said she will know for certain tomorrow(Friday-the day I am writing this post on) and will call me by late afternoon. Well, Friday has come and gone, and Susan has not called. She may call tomorrow(Saturday), but I have already made other plans and don't intend on changing them, even if she can and wants to go to dinner.

My question for the community is what their make is on all of this and if Susan seems actually interested in me?

She is very positive when speaking to me, yet her actions do not match her words. In any case, my opinion is that she should have called me on Friday to tell me where we stand concerning Saturday night.On the other hand, she is an attractive woman, and she does get attention from men. Could she be playing hard to get? Did she expect me to call her yet again on Friday, even though she was supposed to?

And wouldn't that be a mistake on my part if I did so?

A friend told me that I erred when asking her out on a Saturday night, but Susan knows that I am single, she saw this at the party. She also knows that there are women who are interested in me(Leia from the party for one), and she saw me socializing at the party with a significant number of attractive women.

As you can see, I like Susan and am attracted to her, but I feel a relationship has to begin properly, and I want to make sure she appreciates what I have to offer. At the moment I am not sure if she just has low to no interest or is simply playing hard to get? Should I call her on Saturday, or just forget about her and call next week? Should I just not call back ever?

I would appreciate all feedback on this topic. Thanks for reading this lengthy post!

Edited February 1, 2008 by Balthazar

[Balthazar]

Update: Susan SMSed me today(saturday) about one day late. Explains that she has had a fever since yesterday and that her BF is cooking her soup and applying compresses. I replied that I have the effect of raising women's temperatures and expressed my sincere hope that the compresses her BF is applying will do the trick for her fever.

[Florida]

Update: Susan SMSed me today(saturday) about one day late. Explains that she has had a fever since yesterday and that her BF is cooking her soup and applying compresses. I replied that I have the effect of raising women's temperatures and expressed my sincere hope that the compresses her BF is applying will do the trick for her fever.

 

So she does have a BF?

Move on, mate. What a waste of your writing skills and effort.

Why do you need to pursue a person in a relationship?

Sounds like you are certainly good at keeping your options open at any rate.

 

In other words, she turned down a guy who asked her to dance, you ask her to dance, she demures. A moment later you are snuggling on the couch with "leia". If I was interested in a guy, and he invited me to a party and played the field, I would lose interest.

 

People like people who show consistent interest in them.

That doesn't matter in her case though, move on to someone available.

[Balthazar]

Florida, I appreciate your points, but I would like to clarify certain issues. First, Susan was playing the field at the party like a pro. Second, I was just having a simple conversation with "leia"(it's her real name by the way), which is what any sociable person would have done. There was nothing ungentlemanly in my actions. I did not know that Susan had a BF, otherwise I would not have propesed dinner on a Saturday night. My comments centered more on the fact that she did not reveal her BF until a very late stage(late Satuday afternoon). Still, you are certainly correct about going after taken people. I have put her behind already and am looking forwards. Thanks for your reply!

[Florida]

Florida, I appreciate your points, but I would like to clarify certain issues. First, Susan was playing the field at the party like a pro. Second, I was just having a simple conversation with "leia"(it's her real name by the way), which is what any sociable person would have done. There was nothing ungentlemanly in my actions. I did not know that Susan had a BF, otherwise I would not have propesed dinner on a Saturday night. My comments centered more on the fact that she did not reveal her BF until a very late stage(late Satuday afternoon). Still, you are certainly correct about going after taken people. I have put her behind already and am looking forwards. Thanks for your reply!

 

Sorry, my mistake. I admit I breezed over some of the details to absorb the whole picture.

 

Well good for you that you are putting her behind you.

For her to show up and work the party and not reveal her BF until a very late stage does not speak of a person who shows good values.

 

You sound very level headed, too. Good luck Balth!

[THE THRONE]

THE THRONE read it all, so THE THRONE will now give you advice from the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb. Make sure you pay attention, or else you will miss it all.

 

You said:

 

My question for the community is what their make is on all of this and if Susan seems actually interested in me?

 

Yet in the very next sentence you say:

 

She is very positive when speaking to me, yet her actions do not match her words.

 

Now open your soul to the doctrine of the Seven-Legged Lamb. Chapter 99 verse 287-288 of the Seven-Legged Lamb says:

 

287. "The voice of a beautiful woman bringeth joy, and her words flow as milk and honey. 288. But woe when that womans heart is torn and the works of her hand causeth contravention."

 

What these verses are telling you is you can listen to her words all you want, but what about her actions? Is her heart with you or with her BF? THE THRONE is pleased that you have put her behind you, and THE THRONE knows you shouldn't even waste your time with her. Toss her number in the trash and date the 20 year old babe.

[Balthazar]

Thanks Throne! That seven legged lamb sure does know its stuff. Clear as sunshine on a summer's day.Thanks to all posters for some good advice!