richardcruz Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Here is my thread for those of you unfamiliar with my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141...t=dying+inside Guys I need support badly. I have been 8 days NC now. The past few days weren't to bad add I've been trying to focus as hard as I can on other things like my job, finances, gym, etc. but yesterday and today have been so far the hardest. I would think that the more time that passes the easier it would get. I keep thinking to myself that she is probably seeing someone now (all though I have absolutely no indication whatsoever that she is) and that really hurts deeply. Sometimes I imagine her being "intimate" with another person and it makes my stomach turn. It seems like the more time that goes by, the stronger these type of thoughts become. Also it seems that the deeper I go into NC, the more I wish that she would call me or text me. Time to me means the person is moving on and leaving the past behind. Each day that goes by hurts more and more and it seems that the hurt is just adding up. I see every passing day as confirmation that see didn't care about me at all and that she doesn't want to look back at the relationship she once had. The more time that goes by, the more I look at my phone with hopes that maybe she'll call. I know I can't call her or text her or make any contact withe her, but for some reason I still have that urge to and I have to keep fighting myself. The urge is growing with each day now. Shouldn't things be getting easier? Please help. I"m starting to get restless and that impulsive feeling is coming back..
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 NC is like climbing a mountaint. It gets harder and harder for a while, and escalates to a crescendo of difficulty, and then once you get past the point of no return...it's smooth sailing. How long it takes to get to smooth sailing differs from every person. It depends on the length and type of relationship you had, and on how determined you are to get better after the end. I didn't read your back story - the link didn't work.
serendip Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I"m starting to get restless and that impulsive feeling is coming back.. Dude...after what happen last time...there's no other option except NC or else she's gonna get a restraining order You can't fix it dude...you have to get it out of your head Have you tried couselling?
sandflea Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Ups and downs and lots of sideways. After a while you start to understand that every down has an up, and visa versa. Let it go. Breathe deep, and imagine your future as happy, and with someone who loves you dearly. After all - that IS your future. Try to be at peace with it.... SF
RainyGirl Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Richard, my experience was similiar. The first few days of NC were hard, but somewhat tolerable. By day 14 it was almost unbearable. I broke NC on day 16 after I thought I would go crazy. That was a HUGE mistake. I had a few days of negative and tense contact (by phone and text) before I realized that I dug myself a deeper hole. I felt worse than ever. I ended up telling him yesterday to "have a nice life" through text. I am now back to the drawing board and on Day 1 ALL OVER AGAIN. I blew it because I couldn't handle those terrible feelings that you are experiencing now. Looking back, I am sure that had I just waited one or two more days, the torture would have passed on its own and I never would have contacted him to ONCE AGAIN SWALLOW MY DIGINITY. I feel your pain, Richard. But, you do have something going for you. You know that contact is no longer a choice. You CAN'T contact her unless you want the police involved. The only choices that are still yours is whether you stew in your pain, or take steps to move on. What helped me get to 16 days of NC was the little "promises" that I made to myself. When I felt overwhelmed and on the verge of calling, I would stop myself and say, "If you show strength right now and don't call, I promise to allow you to call him tomorrow night". That promise helped to get me to the next day. On the next night, I would make the same promise along with the same reward. Stringing myself along like that is what got me to 16 days of NC. By the 16th day, my little lies to myself didn't work anymore and I ruined things by texting him. This time, I'll just have to come up with better lies to myself now that I know that things GET HARDER as time goes on. Richard, keep posting here and get out all of your feelings and frustrations. It's the only way. We are here for you
Author richardcruz Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 So I'm here posting because this weekend has been really f**ked up. I found my self crying on Saturday as I was driving. I don't know but lately I've really been feeling it. I just feel so damn lonely and it hurts. I am on day 10 of NC. I felt like I needed to post to get the bad impulsive thoughts that I have out of my system. I was thinking about shooting her off a text that says "why do you hate me so much" but then I decided to log in to love shack. Deep down I know its a mistake to contact her and doing so would just take me back to square one. Anyways I know my real underlying motive in contacting her is really to somehow someway get her back but I made the same mistake last time when I tried contacting her and I just dug myself deeper into a whole so I guess I have to learn from my mistakes. I'm trying as hard as I can to realize that calling her is not an option. As hard and as painfull as it is, I have to realize that I have to heal myself becuase she doesnt l_ve me anymore and really doesnt care that I'm hurting.
Author richardcruz Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 I am posting again because I was reading alot of these threads on LS and it started making me feel like I have to do something. One of the was about whether or not anyone had any stories of NC working (i.e. the ex coming back). Most of the people that posted said that it was very unlikely for that to happen. One person went as far to say that if a woman was the one that broke the relationship, it was almost a sure thing that she wouldn't come back. As soon as I read that, my heart dropped and I started feeling like I have to text her or forever lose her (even though I already did). I know all of the people that posted are being honest but it really hurts me to hear this and sometimes I don't know if LS is doing me in.. I want to text her now more than ever..
norajane Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) I am posting again because I was reading alot of these threads on LS and it started making me feel like I have to do something. One of the was about whether or not anyone had any stories of NC working (i.e. the ex coming back). Most of the people that posted said that it was very unlikely for that to happen. One person went as far to say that if a woman was the one that broke the relationship, it was almost a sure thing that she wouldn't come back. As soon as I read that, my heart dropped and I started feeling like I have to text her or forever lose her (even though I already did). I know all of the people that posted are being honest but it really hurts me to hear this and sometimes I don't know if LS is doing me in.. I want to text her now more than ever.. If she wanted to talk to you, you'd be hearing from her. NC is to help you heal, so you don't add fresh hurts on top of the ones you already have, and fresh hurts are a guarantee each time you text or talk to her again. It sets you back, because each time you contact her, you are hoping to get her back, and then are newly disappointed and hurt when you realize she doesn't want you. Not having contact eventually helps you get that person out of your mind, because you work through the break-up painful thoughts and start living your life again without her as you start to accept that she's not coming back. If you keep trying to talk to her and get her back, you never work through that pain and stay upset for much longer. Edited February 4, 2008 by norajane
RainyGirl Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Please don't text her. Throw your phone away or drop it in the toilet. Seriously, just having your phone handy is causing too much temptation. Do yourself a favor....get rid of that damn phone. You can always buy another one in a few days. Hang in there, Richard. You have 10 days of success that proves that you CAN DO THIS. I am on day 4 of NC and it is killing me. This comes after breaking 16 days of NC. Don't make the mistake that I did. You don't want to start all over again like I am now. THROW YOUR PHONE AWAY. If I feel my fingers dialing his number, I will drop my phone in the toilet. That is my plan.
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