lambda Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) My experience in courting is not so wide Anyway, there's a shy girl at the university that i like. I think that she might be interested in me from the signals i get (staring, flirting on a distance etc). We talk everytime we meet at school, but she is pretty shy. She always walks with a friend, and when the friend is with her she is nervous, but OK to talk with. But recently i met her alone. She said hi to me and asked me a question, but when i asked her a few questions back she totally clammed up and eventually just left! Maybe it was my fault by being a little eager and asking too many questions.. Anyway i think that the fact that she initiates conversations with me despite being nervous might be a sign of interest on her side(?). I have a feeling that i need to move really slow with her. I asked her out before christmas through a text message. She declined, but i probably messed up by doing it through a text message, by forgetting to write who the message was from, and the timing was really bad as it was in between two exams for her. She's a hard-studying girl. Being shy she probably is intimidated by dating too. The problem is, that I haven't seen her for a week. I don't text her or call her because i am unsure if our "relationship" is so that i should start pursuing her in this medium. Of course i fear rejection too. I prefer getting to know her better face to face. When i see her at school i try to make it shine trough that i'm interested, but sometimes i end up talking more with her friend. I also sometimes contact her friend when i see them. I think that being shy she probably need more confirmation that i am interested than "normal" girls. Does it sound like i show my interest good enough?? Will she think that i'm not interested if i don't start contacting her on the phone? Or is it nothing to worry about? Edited February 1, 2008 by lambda spelling
THE THRONE Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Being fearful isn't going to get you laid. Call her up, schedule plans for a day or two out, stay away until an hour or two before the time to meet. Call again to confirm. If she cancels but counters with a SPECIFIC time tell her you'll get back to her (but DO accept it), if she doesn't offer anything, tell her no problem and forget you ever knew her.
Balthazar Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I agree with THE THRONE. You shouldn't spend so much time chasing one girl. Just set up plans with her. if she is interested, she will come, shy or not. Just be courteous and understanding. Her nervousness is probably a good thing, a lot of women who like a certain man are nervous around him, especially if they are younger and less experienced.
dreamergrl Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I wouldn't move on so quick. Yeah I do agree, though don't exclude other options either. I used to be EXTREMELY shy - no confidence, insecure, and what not. A guy used to have to straight up say hey I like you for me to even consider that was true. Even at that, I was shocked that someone was really showing interest in me, I got all nervous and sh*t. I don't think it would hurt to ask her in person the next time you see her, but don't rule out other girls either.
Author lambda Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I agree to what dreamergrl says because i know how shy people think. I used to be shy myself and still am (because i'm inexperienced), and i did never believe that a girl could be interested in me unless she told me directly. It's because of this i write here, maybe i don't make it clear enough for her that i am interested? My options now are: 1. i could call her soon 2. in two weeks there will be a party for our class and probably i will see her there Personally i think two weeks is very long, especially if she IS interested. What ya think?
dreamergrl Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Give it a little time, and call her and ask if she wants to go to the party with you? Or you could make it less awkward and make it a group thing. Perhaps her friend and another male?
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 No, do not call and ask if she wants to go to the party with you. Chapter 2 verse 66 of the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb reads: 66. Do not bring sand to a beach. What this verse is telling you is women are like sand and the party is the beach-there is no use bringing one to this function. Why? Because it limits your chances to get more chicks and numbers. If you are into this girl, you need to call her soon. Stop beating around the bush, because she isn't going to wait forever,
Author lambda Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) I agree on not inviting her to the party because she is already invited. But damn, i'm so unsure if i should call or not. How could she possibly handle a date alone with me if she's too scared to talk to me alone? I have a feeling i'm doomed to get a decline from her. Would it not be better to get her a little bit more comfortable with me first? When i met her recently alone it kind of told me that she's not ready for a date. You have to agree with this, "the throne"..? What if i called her and talked for a while, then if the conversation is going fine, i could ask her to a group date or something. If it's not going fine and she seems stand-offish, or nervous, i could call her later and maybe ask her out then? Sigh, if i only met her regularly, or if i only knew what she was thinking :/ Edited February 4, 2008 by lambda Added something
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Have you ever heard the saying, "actions speak louder than words"? Until you get to know her, the phone is your enemy and should only be used to call her up and make dates (or an occasional hi how are you doing.) You don't need to spend hours on the phone with her. Just call her up, chat for 15 minutes and go. How could she possibly handle a date alone with me if she's too scared to talk to me alone? She might be the shy type and going out just might be the thing to get her out of her shell. Would it not be better to get her a little bit more comfortable with me first? NO! What you need to do is put her in a situation that forces her to overcome her fears and shyness. You have to agree with this, "the throne"..? No, THE THRONE doesn't have to agree with anything accept the doctrine of the Seven-Legged Lamb. i could ask her to a group date or something. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! No group dates man. You are into her not the group. if i only knew what she was thinking Think positive. Think "she likes me and wants me to ask her out."
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Either way, stay away from "shy" types. "Shy" = "Control freak" Not in all cases. I know many shy people that are door mats and very submissive.
Author lambda Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 It's usually the extroverts that are control freaks. I've met a few of those. This girl tends to be submissive, at least when it comes to her friend. Unfortunately that might be one of the reason why i don't see them at school. Her friend decides where they sit and work, and that is, for whatever reason, not at their usual spots.
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 It's usually the extroverts that are control freaks. I've met a few of those. This girl tends to be submissive, at least when it comes to her friend. Unfortunately that might be one of the reason why i don't see them at school. Her friend decides where they sit and work, and that is, for whatever reason, not at their usual spots. THE THRONE is putting you on notice. You have exactly five days to ask her out on a date. Five days from now I want to read the results, and if you don't do it, THE THRONE will come to the obvious conclusion that you're not fit to be a disciple of the Seven-Legged Lamb.
boo121 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 but i probably messed up by doing it through a text message, by forgetting to write who the message was from, and the timing was really bad as it was in between two exams for her. She's a hard-studying girl. Being shy she probably is intimidated by dating too. Exactly, i expect she was thinking. "oh my god, this guy didnt leave his name... hes screwed up his chances with me. next! oh and my eyes were averted away from my work for 2 seconds... how DARE he text me when i might be working. Thats it, im intimidated. if he calls me up i will blow him off" ... or not. what THE THRONE said actually, dont need to repeat advice here.
Recommended Posts