Ziahnamarillo Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I started dating this guy (who is now my "EX") in 1999. I always liked him but we were always in relationships so nothing ever took place between us until this time. He had just separated from his girlfriend of 8 years (whom he lived with) and I ended my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. I moved to Florida in 2000 and he said he was going to move also but I really didn't think he was going to do it. I started college and I met a lot of guys and I had a one night stand with this guy that I liked. A few months later, the guy I was dating back home shows up at my door...he really did move just to be with me (or so he said). Anyway, he decided that he would live with his brother because I lived in the student housing facility and I figured that eventually we would move in together but we never did. Things were sort of strained between us. He lived and worked pretty far away from where I lived, worked and went to school...but he would make the drive to my place or I would take a taxi or train up to his place. Within a year, we were married (nothing spectacular -just a courthourse ceremony) - he told me not to let the "marriage get to my head!!!!" I was shocked. WTF was THAT supposed to mean? BTW, this marriage was not something that I sat down and thought about and planned. It was more like this: if we didn't get married ASAP and file papers for him to become a US resident, he would have to go back home. I had no wedding ring, we never lived together, anytime his sister's or his parents came to town I had to become non-existent...basically the whole thing just seemed like a big joke... I started losing feelings for him. I just didn't love him as much as I used to. To make matters worse, things got really violent between us sometimes also and I got to the point where I would just feel so drained and empty and sick of him that I started looking to other guys to get my mind off him. I never intended to cheat on him. I would tell him point blank that I don't want to be with him but it seemed like he couldn't accept that. He would show up at my place, hang around my bedroom window, come to my job...all sorts of stuff. He would then accuse me of cheating on him. We had separated and then got back together (FOOLISH OF ME) quite a few times. In 2005 I decided I would make a real effort and try to make things work between me and him. The previous year (2004), his father had been diagnosed with cancer. He had shut me out, he would only talk to his friends and other family members about his dad's illness because (as he said) when he got the news about his dad, I wasn't there for him. Still, I hung in there. He was dating and sleeping with other women but I stuck it out because I wanted to show him that I was there for him and I wanted to make things work between us again. Things got back to usual between us after a few months and it seemed like it would work out this time. He was the only man in my life - the only one I wanted to be with and I thought he felt the same way about me. Throughout all that crap, we never ended our marriage. One day he starts a ridiculous argument with me out of the blue and then tells me he has the divorce papers and he's bringing them for me to sign. I signed them and I figured that would be the end of him but it wasn't. The divorce was final in September of 2006 but we were still having a "relationship" as though nothing ever changed. He gave me some lame excuse about us having to get divorced because of some business reasons....WHATEVER! His father passed away in May of 2007. I did not go home to attend the funeral and he did not ask me to go with him - I thought THAT was odd. 2 days after he left for the funeral, my mom calls me and asks me if I knew my "EX" was married. OMG...I felt like I was going to just throw up and die. I told my mom that she must have read the obituary wrong or something...I asked her what was the name of the person that he is supposed to be married to and the name she called is the name of the woman he was with for 8 years before we got together!!! I immediately started emailing him and calling him. He would not take my calls and the only thing he would tell me in the emails is that I'm wrong and I just don't understand. Well what was there for me to understand? He told me we would talk when he returned after the funeral. He came back and even though I knew there was no way he could justify this, I was still hoping he would say something that would make it all better but he didn't - he couldn't. All he did was point the finger at me and say it's MY fault. So it's MY fault that HE went and married someone else behind my back? He says his dad wanted to die knowing that he was married and with a person who loves him etc....he told me that he wanted to see his dad smile one last time before he passed away...what a load of bull! He told me that the marriage was "just on paper" and that nothing was really going on between him and "his wife." (It never dawned on me that when he was making trips home every other week that he was going to see his damn wife and possible kids for all I know) The sad part about it is that he begged me not to leave alone him in the "fragile" state he was in. I understood that he was distraught about his dad's death so I stayed with him, I made sure he ate, I dried his tears...I did what I could. I stuck it out with him until November of last year. I decided to leave. He had the nerve to tell ME that I am making a big mistake for leaving him....can you believe this guy??? Has anyone else had a situation similar to this? Was he just using me all along? My friends say we had a marriage of convenience...what do you think?
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