brokenhearteddad Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 My wife & I have been married 1 year, together 2. After our daughter was born (11mo ago), I worked days, she worked nights & we only saw each other 5 min/day. I told her that we should rearrange work schedules to work on our marriage. I know that you all do not know the dynamics of my situation and every relationship is different. I actually told her I would quit my job and would work at McDonals if I needed to to work on our marriage. She was willing to leave her job and stay at home and spend more time with our daughter and myself until we could get back on the same page in our marriage. She put in her notice and a week before she was to leave, she told me that she wasn't ready to quit. I said no problem, but we really should try & make time to see each other more even if it were one more day or night for ourselves. Everything went down hill from there. She started getting angry & mean to me & about a month or so later she said we need to separate. Well, a week after we separated she started seeing a guy that drives in from Knoxville to Nashville 170 miles away each day to pick up a load of computers (where she works) to take to back to Knoxville (where he also lives). She is 24, he's 42 twice divorced, with a few kids, Im a 35, devoted, loving husband, a good father and provider. I am by no means perfect or saying I am a great catch, but I was a good husband who treated her great, lovingly, listened, sent flowers, told her I loved her ten times a day, etc, and likely an upgrade from what she left me for. I know you only have one side of the story here, but I will admit that this is pretty accurate even coming from my hurt point of view. She blames me for everything and anything & says that she doesnt love me like she did and when our daughter was born she changed. I always treated her well, dont cheat, yell, abuse her. I told her I loved her at least 10 times a day. I send flowers and I am responsible. Asked her to go to counselling and she said no. It has been 2 months since I moved out and she says that she may be falling in love with this guy, which kills me. She talks to me like she hates me now and has so much anger towards me for no reason. I am sure the blame and the anger towards me is a way for her to feel better about what she is doing. I tried everything and cried while litterally begging her to work on our marriage and she sighed and got angry that I told her that I loved her and missed her. I am not a pushover and don't cry often, but I do believe that marriage and commitment are forever and not easy. Again, I am not saying at all that I am a perfect husband, but I was very good to her and treated her well. Is the blame she is puting on me normal? She has no friends at all and has had only bad relationships in the past until she and I met. Her mother conditioned her poorly by preaching to her growing up that her and her fathers marriage was miserable and that she should never stay in a marriage if it is not perfect, which is unrealsitic for sure. I imagine that she will have to realize that the "Grass is not greener on the other side". I believe she took the easy way out by pushing marriage issues aside to be with someone that tells her great things. I do accept responsibility, but she is laying the blame on heavier every day which she is trying to keep herself angry at me I guess. It would be easier without a child in the picture, so I have to speak with her. I try to keep the topic on our daughter but it somehow turns into her getting angry over absolutely nothing. I miss her and love her completely and I am devastated and lost. I am trying to find strength to move on but I have had many tear filled nights missing her and my daughter. Any advice would be great. I did file for divorce last week. Sorry for the lengthy post. Any advice would be great, thanks.
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Some follow up. I am just venting here and need to let out some emotions before I get too emotional. I feel better with each day including today, but with a child, we have to see each other every few days or so. I went and picked up my daughter today and played it very cool and I was extremely positive and happy. I said a pleasant and fun hello to my wife and went straight to my daughter who was excited to see me. It was weird, my wife (soon to be ex) only looked at me maybe once and had her head down most of the time and her answers were very short. I didn't let it bug me, I just laughed and played with my daughter while my wife got our daughters things together. She did show me some video that she took of our daughter last night and it was great. We send a video camera back and forth in the bag so we can continue to film her. To be honest I think it was bothering my wife that I appeared happy. It did not look as if she was all that happy (with herself). I am sure she has plans with the other guy tonight and tomorrow and that does bug me a lot, but I am trying not to think about it and know there is nothing I can do to stop it or change her feelings. I have to be honest and say that I just don't see their situation working out, nor do I believe that she honestly thinks it will work out. I may be completely wrong and she may think he is the best thing since sliced bread. I think she is going with it now because it is safe and convenient and there are no responsibilities to address with the newness of it. On a good note, I am starting to get my confidence back and it is showing. I have lost weight and looking as good as I have in many years. Not so much to look good, but just to feel good and get energized. Your confidence takes a nice boost up when you get noticed and smiled at when you walk around and women take a double take at you, which is now happening again. I know I deserve much better than I have been treated and loved (unloved), but part of me is hoping that she will "get it" and realize what she has lost before it is gone. I may be an idiot for part of me wanting to hang on a little after all that she has done, but she is my wife and the mother of my child, allbeit, young, immature and with emotional issues Oh yeah and she is seeing another man to boot! Maybe I am just too in love to realize that she is long gone and I have no shot, but I don't truly believe that. Maybe I could use a smack from some of you and let me know what you think. Aaron
SunnyLady Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Some follow up. I am just venting here and need to let out some emotions before I get too emotional. I feel better with each day including today, but with a child, we have to see each other every few days or so. I went and picked up my daughter today and played it very cool and I was extremely positive and happy. I said a pleasant and fun hello to my wife and went straight to my daughter who was excited to see me. It was weird, my wife (soon to be ex) only looked at me maybe once and had her head down most of the time and her answers were very short. I didn't let it bug me, I just laughed and played with my daughter while my wife got our daughters things together. She did show me some video that she took of our daughter last night and it was great. We send a video camera back and forth in the bag so we can continue to film her. To be honest I think it was bothering my wife that I appeared happy. It did not look as if she was all that happy (with herself). I am sure she has plans with the other guy tonight and tomorrow and that does bug me a lot, but I am trying not to think about it and know there is nothing I can do to stop it or change her feelings. I have to be honest and say that I just don't see their situation working out, nor do I believe that she honestly thinks it will work out. I may be completely wrong and she may think he is the best thing since sliced bread. I think she is going with it now because it is safe and convenient and there are no responsibilities to address with the newness of it. On a good note, I am starting to get my confidence back and it is showing. I have lost weight and looking as good as I have in many years. Not so much to look good, but just to feel good and get energized. Your confidence takes a nice boost up when you get noticed and smiled at when you walk around and women take a double take at you, which is now happening again. I know I deserve much better than I have been treated and loved (unloved), but part of me is hoping that she will "get it" and realize what she has lost before it is gone. I may be an idiot for part of me wanting to hang on a little after all that she has done, but she is my wife and the mother of my child, allbeit, young, immature and with emotional issues Oh yeah and she is seeing another man to boot! Maybe I am just too in love to realize that she is long gone and I have no shot, but I don't truly believe that. Maybe I could use a smack from some of you and let me know what you think. Aaron Hi Aaron, I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Life can be very harsh atimes. Loving someone is no gurantee that you will be loved in return. Hrahs but true. From what you've said, it seems like you did all you could...nohting more you can do. You know, its funny that she would leave you for a man who is 2ce divorced? I mean, what are the chances that they will last. She is quite young as well. Perhaps she is too childish to see that marriage isn't all about walking out when its not as tilitating as it once was. Please be strong. She may or may not come back, but if she doesn't I'm sure you will find someone who will reciprocate your love, devotion and affection. Think about it. you mentioned that you've been togther for two years in total? Imagine if she left you after say 8-10 years together? And ran off with someone. If this lady isnt for you, as hard as that may be to accept, then it's best that you have gained an insight into the kind of woman she is. Very callous and selfish. You don't want to spend your life with someone like this, cos it will be a no-win situation. Sooner or later her real personality would have re-surfaced. I can respect if someone wants to violate her wedding vows (something I frown on btw). But to treat you with such disdain and flaunt her new squeeze is just not fair. And someday she will realise her wrong. Even if she does come back you need to ask yourself if you will be happy spending your life with someone who has the tendency to walk out of you anytime. You need to trust your partner and from what I see, that trust has been violated. And I know it hurst so badly, when you love someone but if she is for you, she will come back for you. And then you will be able to decide what you want. But if she isn;t for you, then she may never come back. Which of the two is it? That we will not know...till the future tells. So for now, you need to live your life resignining to the idea that she may never return. I personally feel that in cases like yours taking into account her emotional instability, young age and unstable person she is, you will be hearing more from her than you imagine now. But for now, just focus on your daughter. She is the most important one now and I am sure she will proivde you with so much joy. And yeah keep your head up, your wife will be shocked to see hoe well you are doing. Please don't contact her unles its necessary. Maintain your pride and believe always that you WILL BE FINE. Somedays you will feel very sad and depressed but its part of it. Stay strong and keep us posted.xxx
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Thank you so much for the post. It is tough, but I am not contacting her other than for our our daughter. I went to pick up our daughter yesterday and I don't think she looked at me more than once in 15 minutes. She almost looked ashamed and had her head down most of the time. I gave her a pleasant and fun hello then went right for my daughter. I just kept happy and excited to see my daughter. I don't think she liked seeing me happy. I was dying inside but didn't let her see it. I said we were going to have a great weekend and I hoped she did too and would see her on Sunday. It was the simplest and best thing I thought to do. Of course I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked and that I missed her and loved her but I did not and found enough strength not to. Our house was off of a main street and I had to drive by it today and of course the other guy's truck was in my spot on what used to be the driveway of my house. Sure hurt like heck to see that. I do know that I need to move on and not let the thought of her consume me. She has treated me so poorly and has been selfish. She has put her wants and needs about that of a marriage and our family, and that kills me. She is young, immature and lacking character. Edited February 3, 2008 by brokenhearteddad
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