1bee Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 i had been going out with my boyfriend for three years and had been friends with him for two years prior. About two months ago he broke up with me stating that he had to "find himself" and figure some things out. He also said he wasn't in love with me anymore. And that completely destroyed me for a good while. I've come to terms with it though and i don't miss his presence anymore, but fast forward to present day and he's cut off contact with me completely and when i checked his myspace, he has a picture of himself and some blonde girl standing next to each other casually. And it made me lose sleep all over again. WTF. First of all, i absolutely abhor myspace because it is a breeding ground for infidelity and makes the deed that much easier, second of all, he told me that this blonde was just a friend and that he had no interest in her because she wasn't attractive to him. But through a mutual friend that neither he nor she knows about, I've found out that they've been hanging out a lot. I think the biggest slap in the face is, that he's been taking her on "little adventures" to find cool places to snap pictures since he's interested in photography and i originally gave him that idea when i was still with him! Throughout the whole relationship, i tried getting him to come out of his shell and go places and when he dumps me, he follows my advice but does it with some BLONDE girl he doesn't know as long as me! I am SO hurt and angry right now and i hate him so much like you wouldn't believe. And i feel like such a bad person for feeling that way!!! I wake up a lot with a pain and emptiness in my chest because i just know he's getting closer to that girl. i've already been told that he's not worth it and to move on, etc. etc. Which i am. I've been getting out more and talking to people but it doesn't take away the pain and the feeling of INADEQUACY. I guess a lot of time will eventually heal my heart. But what does this girl have that I don't have? Why is she so awesome to him? He's getting his bachelors in April and I'd be finishing up my second year in college. He didn't even tell me what I did wrong or provide any closure. He just left me for a happy and hyper blue eyed party girl, so i feel that he UPGRADED because I must be boring as sh*t or something that's what kills me MOST OF ALL. it never feels good to be replaced by someone that appears more cute and fun then you are. i really don't want to feel this way, but am i a bad person for feeling so much anger toward this whole thing?
Snap22 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Hi hun! Just read your story and you have no idea how much I can relate to you and everything your going through, its almost spooky. I was freinds with my ex for fours years before we spent four years as a couple, he started a new job, met a 'hyper blonde' and then left me for her with no warning! This happended six weeks ago. We've spoken briefly since the split and he has felt the need to tell me how they get on great and are spending loadsa time together ect ect... The hurt is slowly healing but like you, I cant shake the feeling of inadequacy. It's horrible to know that you have been left for someone who they deem 'better' than you. It's knocked my confidence massively and right now i'm not sure if I will be able to trust another guy with my heart incase he just suddenly decides to upgrade. We had planned a great 2008, we were gonna travel and see a bit of the world but now he will be planning that with somone else, it sucks. He hasn't contacted me for three weeks now, the NC has helped me get my life togther and encouraged me to make plans for the new year but I think about him every day and know that as each day passes he grows closer to her and his memories of me fade. We both need to understand that anyone who can disregard someone so easily is really not worth our time or love. Just like you, I go crazy with the anger sometimes. There are times when I just wanna call him to shout and scream but I know he wouldn't listen and he certainly would'nt care. We should both try and channel the anger into something positive, when I feel really p*ssed off, I work out for a few hours or treat myself to a new outfit. Try not to look at his Myspace (I know its really hard) but it's only gonna make you more upset and angry. During my last online chat with my ex, he very kindly decided to send me a selection of photographs of him and his new GF out with thier new mutual friends. It hurt bad for 5mins and then I realised I should feel quite sorry for her, she soon will see his true colours and have to contend with the pig. He is no longer my problem. So...You are most definately not a bad person or crazy for that matter. Everything you are feeling is normal but try not to let it consume you.
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