alcorns Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 This morning, I have decided to hate the internet. I woke up after a restful night of 12-13 hours of sleep, excited that it is finally payday (this means I get to choose a restaurant for the evening). I got on my boyfriend's laptop, and started scoping out places to eat. I pulled up the history menu to redirect myself through a maze of websites, and noticed that his history last night is filled with porn. I don't know if I should be mad. I've thought about it a lot... I'm trying to be reasonable, but I am just being insecure.
ElvenPriestess Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Check out the many threads on the issues of women dealing with men and their porn obsession. You may find some interesting views there, but I can tell you what most people will tell you on this thread. "It's normal, it's not like he's cheating on you, it has nothing to do with you, don't feel jealous, he loves you remember? All men do it." Yes, all men decide they are going to lust after other women, beat off to them, pretend they are having sex with other women, and take away everything that is sacred of the intimate world between two people, including the naked body. There you have it, the LS opinion, and my point of view. Men will give you 1000 excuses to look at the crap. What nobody on here ever realizes is that it is filth and garbage. I will probably be the only one saying this. But there, I've said it. You don't know why you're mad? Because lusting is a sin, it's hurtful, and it's betrayal in its own form. You have every reason to be hurt. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
sandflea Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Ahh, yes. The same tired old subject. I will tell you this - Porn will, eventually adversely affect your intimate relationship. He'll always be spent. You just got a quick peek into what makes his mojo morph - use it to your advantage. Turn up the kink, face the issue head on. At some point, you may want to let him catch you looking at something arousing - you both get turned on, and skip off towards the bedroom. ALL guys do this. Channel it into something that will make you two closer. I know EP, I know.... SF
KittenMoon Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Humans lust after what it taboo. Doesn't matter what it is. If your relationship is otherwise good, be thankful that your bf constrains his taboo lust for images online, not the real thing. You can't get STDS, pregnant, etc from a picture. Porn addiction, like any addiction, can be damaging to a relationship. But it doesn't sound like it's anything like that. Maybe you two could try watching it together- there is some good "relationship" oriented porn out there, for people who aren't into the trashy hardcore stuff.
JackJack Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Are you planning on telling him of your findings?
ElvenPriestess Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I know the OP isn't married, but in the grand scheme of things, am I the only one who understands or thinks of "forsaking all others?" Sigh. Never mind. The world is do open minded their brains fall out. Especially on this subject. I'll leave it be this time, as I have hit the topic in many other threads.
JackJack Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I know the OP isn't married, but in the grand scheme of things, am I the only one who understands or thinks of "forsaking all others?" Sigh. Never mind. The world is do open minded their brains fall out. Especially on this subject. I'll leave it be this time, as I have hit the topic in many other threads. Well I agree. Have I watched porn before? Yep. Do I induldge in it now that I'm married? Maybe once in a blue moon, but my wife knows this and we look together, and even then its never a whole lot. Do men look and are we visual creatures? Sure, but that doesn't mean peopl need to justify it by keeping it from our spouse or g/f and sure doesn't need to be something done ALL the time. If so, theres a deeper problem. To the OP, you could always do a google search on porn and the effects on a relationship, if it bothers you and you feel its something you can't handle ,or that the both of you can't come to a compromise on.
ElvenPriestess Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Well I agree. Have I watched porn before? Yep. Do I induldge in it now that I'm married? Maybe once in a blue moon, but my wife knows this and we look together, and even then its never a whole lot. Do men look and are we visual creatures? Sure, but that doesn't mean peopl need to justify it by keeping it from our spouse or g/f and sure doesn't need to be something done ALL the time. If so, theres a deeper problem. To the OP, you could always do a google search on porn and the effects on a relationship, if it bothers you and you feel its something you can't handle ,or that the both of you can't come to a compromise on. Quite a good suggestion here. Just wanted to second this idea.
KittenMoon Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I know the OP isn't married, but in the grand scheme of things, am I the only one who understands or thinks of "forsaking all others?": Tell this to the millions of wives out there who read romance novels by the scores. Same thing w/o pics- except for the inclusion of "true love" in most cases. And yet, romance is the #1 novel-selling genre by leaps and bound. A great relationship can have room for porn, and it's not about being open minded, it's about accepting we all have fantasies, and very rarely are they confined to one person.
Art_Critic Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 and noticed that his history last night is filled with porn. You ought to see my history .. or my wife's I think by reading your post that you are feeling less loved by this finding.. you shouldn't.. no matter what another does try and remember that you are a good person and they can't change that.. Your BF has/is doing what most guys do.. look at porn.. It think you need to speak with him about this and find out how he feels about it.. If my wife would feel hurt by it then I wouldn't do it.. but she would need to convey the message to me.. because after all I am a guy and will look at porn but I don't need to look at porn to live.
ElvenPriestess Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Tell this to the millions of wives out there who read romance novels by the scores. Same thing w/o pics- except for the inclusion of "true love" in most cases. And yet, romance is the #1 novel-selling genre by leaps and bound. A great relationship can have room for porn, and it's not about being open minded, it's about accepting we all have fantasies, and very rarely are they confined to one person. I guess I would rather believe that a man or woman can truly only want to have sex and look at their partner, that that one person is enough. But that's just me.
KittenMoon Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I guess I would rather believe that a man or woman can truly only want to have sex and look at their partner, that that one person is enough. But that's just me. That's fine for you, in fact, great. All I'm saying is that there can be worse results from trying to "force" our feelings onto other, than there would be from accepting certain things and living with them. Not sweating the "small stuff" as it were.
spookie Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I watch porn every night. It's entertaining, educational, and has NOTHING to do with how much I care about my SO. In fact, I've noticed the HAPPIER I am in my R, the more porn I will watch. After my breakup, I found anything but really soft-core stuff hard to stomach, but now that I'm in a satisfying relationship again, I'm constantly horny thinking about my bf; so, my xtube cache is filled with key phrases such as "black gang-bang". Do I want to be gang-banged? Not at all. Really. But it's entertaining to think about and something about that kind of sexual power dynamic turns me on. (Just like my bf turns me on when he chains me to the bed.) For three years I dated a guy who really never watched porn. Well, guess what? He never wanted to have sex, either. And that was a whole lot harder for me to handle than knowing my new bf beats off to vids of some nameless plastic blonde.
spookie Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Oh and... Porn can make you a better lover. My bf, who's indulged heavily for years, was a virgin before me, and he's the best in bed I've ever had, by FARRR, completely thanks to the skills he aqcuired from some of the more educational pronos (how to turn a woman on etc.) AND IMO it's far preferable that your SO get his jollies off to a faceless piece of meat online rather than to elaborate fantasies about his hot co-workers, for example. Think about the perks before you judge.
JerseyShortie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 I tend to think the men of today are overly porn dependent.
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 If he views porn once in a while, then yes, you're overreacting and you need to not take it personally. It's not about him, it's about him and fantasy and masterbation. BUT, if he is looking at porn alot, enough that you're noticing it and it's inteferring with your sex life, then yes, it is a problem. Have you spoken to him about it yet?
Lovelybird Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 think about the rape rate, children molest rate grow madly today, aren't each person's responsibility to fight the bad influence? it's like a lust filled world now, you cannot trust anyone who pass your house when your young kids playing outside, you cannot trust teachers in school who probably is a child predetor, how many people grew up with the wounds that was caused by sexual molest? what make the society become this way? it is because people's so called "open mind". it is a curse Lust is a bottomless hole, the more you feed it, the more it grows deeper. No, it is not a normal thing. Normal thing is 'sex should be a bond between lovers and within marriage'. sex is a noble thing when love and commitment involves, otherwise they abuse the gift from God, and trample it under feet, it becomes less value, becomes merely lust OP maybe you should communicate with your bf about your true feelings about porn with respect, not beat-him-down-tone, never compromise with the porn issue. It will cause big problems later, you will find out by check many threads about porn, what porn brought issues to them. and many sexual pervertion become that way because they watched too many those pervertion porns. If you feed a person a whole month with all kinds porns, they would come out become a different person full of lust, probably would see each bread as breasts too
JerseyShortie Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 If he views porn once in a while, then yes, you're overreacting and you need to not take it personally. You can disagree with a person. You can even disagree with how they react in the context that you know *you* wouldn't feel the same way. But it's not fair to tell someone else how they should feel. Such as telling them they are overreacting or that they shouldn't take it personally. If those are their feelings, those are their feelings.
ButtHead Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 If you feed a person a whole month with all kinds porns, they would come out become a different person full of lust, probably would see each bread as breasts too The reason I don't take your argument seriously is because there is too much instigation and too much assumption. Perhaps if you told me more potential sexual predators become predators because of porn, I would believe you. Otherwise, you can't tell me that me or many others are evil or will become predators because of porn. That kind of stuff makes me sick to my stomach and I'd do what I can to stop it. I agree about getting rid of violent porn and child porn.
norajane Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 This morning, I have decided to hate the internet. I woke up after a restful night of 12-13 hours of sleep, excited that it is finally payday (this means I get to choose a restaurant for the evening). I got on my boyfriend's laptop, and started scoping out places to eat. I pulled up the history menu to redirect myself through a maze of websites, and noticed that his history last night is filled with porn. I don't know if I should be mad. I've thought about it a lot... I'm trying to be reasonable, but I am just being insecure. Well, are you mad? It's not about should be mad or not. Everyone works out the porn issue for themselves in their relationship. Some women don't care if their guys look at porn, and others do. If you talk to him about it, try and listen to what he's telling you about why he looks at it and what it means to him without making assumptions or judgments about it. It helps to understand his point of you, as it might reassure you that he thinks you're hot and loves having sex with you, which I suspect are what's making you feel, as you said, insecure. Guys have been masturbating to porn since they were teens. It's a habit, and it's the way they've gotten used to masturbating. It's not necessarily a sign of anything other than he wanted to give himself an orgasm.
Arch Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 meh, the only reason to look at porn is if your partner wont do something your interested in, so you have to get it someplace else. I doubt anyone would choose pornography over physical contact if they had a choice.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 While I don't completely agree that porn turns people *ALL* into rapist and child molesters, the poster does make a valid point in the context that porn does change your mindframe chemicaly. And a statisitic about rapists and murderers find they all had a prolictivity to watch porn. Lets take something more benign like advertising. Advertising works. Why does it work? Because it plays on people's emotions and feelings and it is shown repeatidly. Porn is no different. If you think you haven't been influenced by porn, by some degree, you are kidding yourself. Does that mean every man that wathces it is a rapist? Of course not. But you got to admit there is a HUGE amount of disrsepect towards women in porn. On a personal level, it makes me question how much men really value women, if at all.
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